AGNES'S AGONY.

NZ Truth, Issue 352, 23 March 1912, Page 5

AGNES'S AGONY.

A-DttNIEMM ECHO- « SIH^L

I he Barneys AeSa&pa^,

?A Wild Woman^-Leers atythe Beak ?and the^Lawyers— Was She Sweet on Sydenham?— Were You Ever Arrested m Dunedin? — Sent to for Seven Days — The^ Case Dismissed.

.. 'From Mornington, which is aTDanedin. suburb, to Sydney isn't very far when you say it quickly, but people do go scway, and Sydney "Truth" recently recorded the following Police Court case m Sydney. We fancy yro have heard of the Bannings before at Waikouaiti, or some such charming place.

The troubadours of old, who so gaily twanged .their guitars and serenaded a woman's cheek, had they been m the Sydney Water Police Court last Friday week,, would have been flabbergasted and .knocked completely ker.•wollop at the cheek of Agnes Banning. Aggie had issued a summons against her husband, Sylvester Horatio of the same name, for maintenance, and the case was listed for hearing before Mr Clarice.

| Agnes is a fine fat lump of a lydie, rosy- cheeked, and with big, bushy black eyebrows. .• Furthermore, Mrs Agnes Banning sported a blue itibbon bow, which fluttered from the breast of her bosker open-worked embroidered blouse, and on her napper she wore a big floral eady. For some little timo I Ijreceding the calling of the case, Mrs [Banning occupied a. seat m cOurt, castling googoo glims on to a gent whom i she sat next to,, and who 'was not . her {own Sylvester Horatio/ /the latter, by. tlie way, having squatted close to his little lawyer-man, .Mr E. R. When the case was called up, thefine fat feminine coughed, "tee-heed," and, with A-QinZZICAL SMILE, winked at thei gent from livhose side she had just darted iip, .sidled across., the floor of the- court,:.and bobbed bang into the witness-box with , a "HlcI scoose-me," as she apologeticallyiaoI bed' the -tips -of lier Teft fingers ! m front ■ 'of her dtirtkeree, and took up the i Book, to which she gave a slobbering "kiss." However, no sooner had the lydie heen. sworn, than tears welled up into those' big glims of hern, and coursed down her cheeks, rolling along bubblfe-like to. her blbuse, ' and: Jiondlylike on to» the bunch -of blue-ribbonr-on her -breast.. -

Magistrate (.soothingly): Come, come; we-don't want any-oCrthatinow. Stop crjartg. '

Agnes (knuckling her eyeballs)^ "800-hoo-oo^oh, boo-iioo-00-o?h;'"

Mr Clarke: Tears ar-e not wanted;here; we want facts. But, instead of stopping*, the te.aars. now fairly rained .fi-om the peepers off Mrs Banning, ploughing; '-. their way the. paint and ;pow der ph to 1 her blouse, as if _ these -tears . were a 'chasing the.-oiher 'uhs-^ni-aTMaiaiaiaai. •race. ' .

Tlie. eye-tide at <the Water going; fdow-n after a. little while, .the woman, through her tears, told the bench that; she was- the wife of the defendant, and, "Well, yer -worship One)— -scoose rae,. I had to cry. Yer carn't *elp _yer ieel*. ings, canyer?"

Magistrate? Oh,, please,- do a go* on,

The quizzical smile now returned- ta the dial of Mrs B.,as she said that: at present she. resided m Carringfconestreet, at Wynyard-square, and -wtas without means of support. "Yoar Worship," said she, "Tve only got two shillings,, and I'll show it 'to-35er:-if yer want to see it." •'■

The magistrate didn't.

•ISie witness-said thai during 'rtherlast. six: months she bad-only received' &T5-. from*ber husband, "who*had iheen

AWAY TO- SCOTLAND.

He was a shipis "butcher, and warkecfc on the Wanganui,. WiMch had only recently arrived at' Sy^dney. On coming into port, witness had gone down to the wharf, and/asked : Sylvester Horatio for some, money, and he gave Ther £1. There was no famfly, and her husband earned £7 a month, besrdes. the wee "perks" which, he told her himself, had came, to as much, as £5.

• Sergeant Drew: Well, what " amount 1 do you ask -for?

Witness (srteeringly).: Well, (hie), il he can keep another woman, I s'poso, he can keep .me. Tm his wife..

Magistrate (sternly).; 'What, do 3_att

-ask for?— Oil, what do I ask lor, elr?'---j Well £ 2 a weelc (with a grotesque.. i smirk). j Magistrate: You .must- conduct yonr.-* j self properly here, you know. — Ho, I must, eh? Yes, you must, and I'll see that you do, do you hear? — Oh, all right Gwith. an impudent swagger). ■ Mr Abigail: What is the name of ilie gentleman you were sitting m court i with? Witness (winking at a man seated, | m court, then turning- to Mr Abigail ii I You mind your o-wsn business, d^yei bear. "What's his name? — Oh (another . wink), that's Mr Sydenham, that is. | How long hare you been Irving with:, him? — What! How dare yer, how da_re yer. (Then, with a yell) Tm not living with him. You mind yer own affairs, d'ye hear. Mr Clarke again warningly looked al the witness, who heeded not Che: signal "danger/* Mr Abigail: Had you this man Sydenham working a fruit shop for you tr Mornington, New Zsaland? — My so-called husband left him as manager (another wink across the court). I'd ask that man sitting over there •be told to' leave the court, sour jbboe- .,; j shY v J_- you .pleases. __x_——

The man sitting over there took: tlie hint and his departure.

Mr Abigail: You sold the business, did 3 r ou not? How much did .you get for it? — How much — £35.

What did you do with the money? — I got a saloon ticket for Sydney from New Zealand. r

Oh, did you.? — Yes, "did I (this mimicking^ jllr ; Abigail's tone). Did stlioiahah come Tover' with'you m the same boat?-— He. had a saloon tic-

Iket alsos dn-xt-hat boat. How^pMt&esting^-^Yes.-'wsfen^ it, » just — quite (smiling and smirking now fin great' ■styVej';-

Magistrate :( to airs B.'J: Remember, I've warned you! — Oh, . that's all right (turning hejvback to the beak).

Mr ..Abigail: Where did you go to live when .you camer'to Sydney ?— Oh

(stamping her foot), dash it all, I forget No, I remember — with, a woman "m Arthur- street, North Sydney.

In Arthur-street? — No, m Walkerstreet (again imitating Mv Abigail's manner of speaking).

"What name did you go by? — By ray own, and we had separate rooms, doncherno (this m extra swaggery style), and then, we went to the Giobe. Haha!! ha-! - !::! •"'''■'.'

Mr Clarke: You'll get into troub.a ..if you don't behave yourself!— -Think "SO?

Mr Abigail: Did this man not.. say, "Agnes, take my arm," outside the 'court, to-day ?— No.

You've had a lew before the court opened th;is morhing, didn't you? — Nj, JL hawen't, have you? Mr Clarke: Look here, I tell you again that if.. you don't conduct yoarvself properly m court I'll adjourn tha case- -and SEND YOU .TO PRISON. Mr Abigail (to Mrs B.).: Did 3-ou'not. go- out night and day with this srrioon passenger^? — Never ' you mind about that After leaving the Glebe, I went to live -m Liverpool-street, m my own name. , And did. Sydenham go to live there also? — Yes, he went to live there also (laughing,). Wben Mr Sydenham was sitting m court a little while ago, whose bag and fan was he holding? — Mine, of course, whose else did yer think they were? After Liverpool- street, where did you go to reside ? — At Kensington. What street ? — Dunno. What -was the name of the house or . number? — No name and no number. At this stage a couple of police o.tticers glided nimbly up towards the . bench, having evidently received a •wireless message from Marconi Drew, and shafted a glass decanter, drinking tumbler, and big metal inkpot. •Ehe Woman m the Case (or, rather, the box): Ha, ha! (laughing). Magistrate: , I won't stand it much longer. Mt Abigail (continuing, to witness) :' Well, dnd where next did you go to live? — Oh, ask his Lordship there (ani „here she NODDED HER NAPPER at her Sylvester Horatio) &,bout when he-- wired me to get a room for Miss ; Mc'Nicholl. Go on, arsk him thu; "there's a good feller. . Did you not go arm-in-arm with Sydenham yesterday to the boat on. which youi* husband is employed? — ■ No, but I. went to meet his Lordship. Did you bring Sydenham to court with you to-day? — -You bet; he's a Ifriehd of mine. He is? — Certainly. Did he pay £1 Is expenses for you -on the day you moved to your last .place? — My so-called husband didn't, - ..anyhow. Were you ever arrested, m Dunedin, New Zealand? — Sir! I refuse to answer such a. question. Bah! "Were you, for indecent behavior? — . •Sir.!! And were you doing six months there? — Oh, sir! As for you, why — Mr Clarke: That'll do. Stand down and sign your depositions. — Sign? Will I! No, I won't; not me. Why?* Magistrate: Because everyone elsq • does it. Here she flopped out pf the witnessbox, and then Hopped back into it again, and addressed herself to the? magistrate :" "Here, I say — " _, Magistrates You must not get up there again. — I will!. Magistrate (tQ a constable): Place her around there (indicating the spot where accused persons usually stan-IX. This wais done, and Agnes novs; found nerself m FRONT OF THE .D OCE__, Magistrate: For you're having been. Insolent to me, and for your coming here m a Tialf -drunken state to-day. • I now sentence you to seven days' imprisonment for contempt. The maintenance case I accordingly adjourn* (Then, to the insolent Agnes): Perhaps when you next appear here you will know how to conduct yourself. Agnes: But, your worship, hie, Ulsscoose me. . „_» As she was being escorted out o£ ,-ourt she whispered m her vnJd de■_u__._ 11 - Pasties. You ILsnair to Constables easi«.i. look after nv. dear- at wHich -•'>*** cast, en the ivivlt-ut Agnes fl. _ :&0 ___ o__0 __ a.bi?oluto -terror. The case was ;.. - . rently heard '^U^X^& sa & X -