PAUL THE IMPOSTOR.

NZ Truth, Issue 180, 28 November 1908, Page 7

PAUL THE IMPOSTOR.

DuHedinites Diddled by a " Dummy."

Paul Henry Mercier is a very languid young gentleman. If getting born had required any effort of his own, he would have been too tired to make it, and the world would have been spared a lazy, loafing, skunking waster, who preys on the generous sympathies of honest toilers. Even m his roguery this parasite Paul is peculiar for his paralysing laziness. Not only too tired to ,toil, he is too tired to talk. The average professional cadger has at least energy enough to open his face, and wiune gut a. long, sobful maudlin . wail abbut the woe and desolation ol his starving wive and J.a orphan children dying of appendicitis or housemaid's knee. .'. Not >so Mountebank Mercier. He believes wiat silence is soothing as well as golden, and/has been putting his- precepts to profitable practice m Dunedin, Geraldine, and other places for some time past. His stunt, is to masquerade as a deaf and dumb man, also partly paralysed, and to play on the susceptibilities of .the kindly-dispos-ed; But the pestiferous impostor has been brought tp boot at last, after a very, good run for his money. A'oout a tnonth ago the counterfeit . dummy paid an afternoon call to spul-spatcher Gxigg, of South Dunedin, did the mute business and snowed . begging letters which expatiated on his alleged atuictions with harrowing, tear-compelling eloquence. Parson Grigg was quite touched, and never had the shadow of a suspicion that his reverend leg was being stretched. Still, as be didn't see his way to starting a private menagerie of destitute mutes m his saintly »tudy, he rang up South Dunedm police station to see if something could not be done for the afflicted unfortunate, Peeler Roach was duly sent along m response to the ting-a-ling, and hied miserable Mercier along to the lock-up. Pawl, the. perfidious, however is something of an artist, for he played the game so well that he hoaxed the whole bilin' oi blue-bottles.

THEY PELT SORRY FOR HIM, and instead of dropping him into the boob) -hatch, had him removed to the Benevolent Institution. But this haven of rest didn't please Paul a HVtle bit, and he hadn't been inside an hour when he seized the opportunity tto levant without; saying good-bye or leaving his addr ress. However, instead of making tracks for fresh fields, he had the hide-bound impudence to remain m, the same >u*strict—perhaps the claim was paying too well to abandon, although thjs paper wouldn't have accused the Scotchbyteriansol, being soft snaps. Anyhow, it was heard Fast week that the- Apostle was up to t.h« same old game m South Duriedin, and Peeler Murray chased him on a bike and nabbed him. Going to the lock-up, miserable "Dummy" suddenly recovered bis long-lost . power of

speech m a remarkable manner, and coolly asked the cop. for a cigarette, whicn, come to think of it, was very modest of Mercier. After such n Divine interposition of mercy, Mercier might at least have relieved his feelings by ie.juesiing a mellow Havana and a small bottle. But instead of getting a cig. or a small bottle be got the stone jug. When sear-i ched, Paul's pockets yielded up a church collection on a small scale— ls 8&d, mostly m tray bits and browns.

In the dock, .charged with being a rogue and a vagabond, the tired "kidder" proved to be a robust joung crook of- about 22, well able to sling a shovel or an axe for his tucker. He wagged his jaws all ..right, too, and claimed to have been born at Pictqn. Then Paul spoKe a piece about having been a sailor, and that he had sloped from his ship at Lyttelton, and' had peregrinated on Shanks' to Dunedin. Of course he tried the same old whining, miserable gag that serves all wasters char^e^l with anything from forgery to bigamy— he laid all the blame on the cursed der-rink. Sub-Inspector Norwood called that bluff m one act. In the cold voice of scorn, the Sub, observed that misbegotten Mercier coulfln t possibly have been under the influence when he hood-winked parson Griggs and the whole bally police foorce of South Dunedin. '

Widdowson, S.M., apparently thought ditto, and sent Paul lie impostor', to a place where he may be as dumb as a stewed oyster if he likes, but will have to blanky well work for three months "hard."