JIM THE MILKER.

NZ Truth, Issue 98, 4 May 1907, Page 6

JIM THE MILKER.

Me and the bosses wife (Madam! Sharkey were considering the othec night just before we went to sleep wot damned raskels the parson are. Here Madam got fair wild and full of fury. Parson ! my Gord one on them tried it on with me' when i. was quite a kid, but I gave him the back of the hand and the point of me fut, I lifted him clean off his feet., He came back and axed me not to tell his wife, and I did not not for the sake of his nibs but on account of his wife and kids. Well, as we are on the subject of parsons, I Jim the Milker make oath and sayeth as follows, to witt— When I was a young mahn long before I took to the trade of spook-raising I was on a small goldfields on the . coast close to the beach were yer must no that one of me mates died a hard death,; he died through love, drink and religion. He was a very fine cove. A parson used to come down to see us once a month, his name was McGruther, not a 'bad sort .but rather fond of women and drink he feared iGiord 'because he thought that the ,Lord would send him. to hell sooner of' later. Yer- must no .that to preach many a time when he was drunk, he would yell out. Wot are wei me bretheuing ? are we angels ? no ; then what 'are we ? v Well I'ljf'tell yet we are worms, worms of the' field, a wheen blagairds where are yer going? let me tell this vast congregation that yer are all going to hell clean and decent. "Well the funeral took place and McGruther read the service he was drunk and when he got to the point m, the service, blessed are v they that die m the Loard, when he fell head first into the grave, where he cursed i and damned something awful. Several hard cases fled fearing that ther would be an earth* . . quake, for bis yells and oaths' were something awful. Well the grave was m sand, and it was a 'difficult job to get him out, for when we tried to pull him up he stuck out his splay feet against the wall of the grave when down came the sand and kivered him up, then we reached down a longHhia'ndled shovel and cleared his mouth when he at once roared out, .* to hell with the hole push of yer,, for the time cometh when 'I will smite yer hip and thy, and curse yer with grevious sores. Take me up yer heathen out of ' this pit or when I get out I'll bash the best on yer. At last we got him out and a cove handed him a bottle of whisky, he put it into his mouth yer could hear, cluck, cluck, then he blew his nose, yer could have heard it at Kaiwarra^ "After inviting those present to join him m prayer, no one responding, he yelled out the hundreth salm and said that he was going for a swim, as John the baptist used to ,- caper m Ihe Jordan. .My ""oath they had great .times m them days. Three days after this an old woman passing along the beaoh saw this parson lyimgi on the teach stark naked he had been trying to walk on the waters but fell m. The . lady covered him up with a fish net and left him to the samd flies. One tame the same parson preached a sermon about Ohrist aneeting. a , hard case woman at the well. Wot would yer modren Obristi'an do now m suoh a case. Yer can bet yer. boots they would keep out of ths\ foray, or send fer the perlice— I%e bosses wife* says« yer are to hard on parsons and me as follows did yet ever see North drunk? no did yer ever se) Rev Jim G-i'bb» drunk? • ■■:-■•. , : - ...■ . v ;

'JIM THE MILKER.