THE CRITIC.

NZ Truth, Issue 91, 16 March 1907, Page 1

THE CRITIC.

Who can undaunted brave tie Critic's rage ? OrnotouninoveaiiißmentionmthoCntio'spage? Parade his error m the public eye ? , And Mother Grundy's rage defy? I J.R.S. writes to say. that Kate Kelly married a man named Skillion. • * • Whoever heard of a Chinaman being dragged before a court for wife maintenance ? • « • Does ally inspector ever inspect the milk that is delivered to boardinghouses, restaurants, etc., as late as 9 p.m. ? • « • Among the many side shows at the reoent Orepuki races was a gaming table on which the public, we're invited to bet on the red, green, and blue. Many young fellows tried their luck and lost considerably, and to vent their feeiings smashed up the table at the termination of the races. So like fly flats ! • • • One of the barracking for boodle daily, sheets at Ohristchurch wails thusly : "At the rates being paid the men could earn as much as £1 per day, but they don't do it." No, the lazy cutthroats don't do it ; they want a few "hours for sleep and other luxuries like that, Really, such idlers deserve no sympathy ! ' >. „->■;.■ -f -'■• "; $ : ;,,-> --i *?<£; •:? . The Chow has his uses^in gaolT" Two Chows, the pair convicted of carnally knowing young females at an Adelaide Road fruit shop, arrived at Taranaki last Friday evening. Being gardners it is the intention of Gaoler Millington to put them to work on the prison garden. Even m gaol one cannot get away from Chow grown vegetables. • * * Some reverend josser down at Ohristchurch recently told of a boy who, when asked who were the Twelve Apostles, replied : ''SPeter, the Virgin fctary, Pontius Pil-ate, Timothy. Matthew, Mark, George, Moses, John, and Barr&bas." Well, the bright and promising youth ought to have, given Beelzebub a chance ; but what price the spreading of the "Word" m New Zealand. • • o At Waimata, Poverty Bay, m the hollow of a large, tree human remains were recently found, with a rifle alongside them and the remnants of a handbag. There is nothing to identify the deceased, and death must have occurred many years ago. Th? supposition is that the man was wounded during the native trouble many years ago, and that he took refuge m the tree, where he died. • • * Someone has invented a cowcatcher for motors -with pneumatic cushions, which gently hoists the unwary pedestrian Avlicn the automobile comes im contract with him, and t softly deposits him oh the muddy ! road m the rear of the vehicle. What I a cheerful penius ! The fondest hope J is expressed' that the "great inven- ; .tor" will be the first deposited oa to the muddy road. As for being "softly deposited," that is a different matter ; it will all depend on what he is hoisted into. - The Christclnireh- postal service is something to marvel at. A letter posted, with an extra stamp, on the boat at Wellington last Saturday niphf, dribbled into "Truth's" Cliristchurch office nt 3.15 on Monday afternoon. That it was no fault jof the postman is proved by the stamp showing-.' 1.45 p.m,-, March nth. But this is. only one of many | complaints of similar inexplicable de(lay m the Cliristcburch P.O.', which 'seems to be suffering from Exhibition paralysis m aggravated form. • « . t There is nothing like being up-to--date m business, notwithstanding | what (hat business may be. The. othIcr day an Assryian hawker was to jbe observed m the Otautau district With his usual boxes and bundles de- : posited m a roomy perambulator, ■which he leisurely wheeled from one residence to another in-soliciting custom. It is not uulikelv that he may . prove the pioneer of his calling m this respect,, and m a short time! the whole hawking profession may | safely be said to be on wheels. And ; the Syrian, not Assyrian, for that race is extinct, is almost as un- ! desirable an alien as the Chinaman, and already he lias a footing, m New Zealand, amd as a hawker, whether m city or suburb, the police v leave him ('severely alone. '

Lav/rence has a laundryman named Louis Waix. The "SigH of , the. Cress", surely. .^^

In civilised countries the average age which , women marry is 23$ years. However, m New Zealand", which isn't Christianised the women marry when they can.

The late.st fad oE going about hatless has got Hastings m its grip, and local hatters are going barmy over it. If the hot spell of Wellington shifts on to Hastings the hatless cranks will quickly come to their senses. -

Judging by recent reports the Salvation Army m Otaki is day by day gaining firmer ground, and on a recent Saturday the largest collection known for some years was taken, says the "Mail." The Army will stiick to Otaki , closer than ever now; but wait till collections peter out.

The first provincial anti-suicide bureau was opened tin Birmingham, and the second will be opened m Bristol. In London 238 lives have been saved up to the present. "Critic" thinks of forming a similar society.in Wellington if ' the demands to "save lives" every morning are continued.

The successful exponent of any game is liable to become elated with success— and beer, and it was beer no doubt, seeing that the individual had a pewter pot m his hand at the time, that made one successful trundler reckon himself the best bowler m the world, m a local bar the other evening. It was no wonder either that the corks m the bottled beer went off pop.

Strolling casually home t'other evening:, "Critic" was astonished at a crowd that had gathered m the Basin Reserve. There was one solitary cricket net, and one solitary batsman m all his grandeur, laying on the wood at every ball bowled him oran admiring crowd. , How prize pig or bull at an agricultural show was a mere circumstance to him.

When the Wairarapa cadets were embarked at Lyttelton for home, some who were s£ill solvent invested m a bottle of raspberry syrup and drank success to the next camp. By and by the same boys were very seasick, and the deck presented such a gory appearance that some of the officers feared the boys had burst several bloodvessels. This fear was allayed when a raspberry syrup bottle, empty, was seen reposing m the scuppers.

Says a Fijian paper: — "We hear that one of the recently arrived kanakas from Queensland is of an enterprising turn of mind, and intends, after his day's work to his employer is finished, to try and earn a few' extra pence. He proposes to vend ice-creams and also m the evening to have coffee and hot pies, etc. He is, having a "cart" built for the purpose, and so should soon be ready for business." More fruits of Christianity and civilisation !

The police pannot do their duty when dealing with the crafty Chow; of Wellington ; but no difficulty is ever experienced when a white man is to be dealt with. There is a family! mother and two daughters, who live at JohnsonviHe who are regular habitues of the Chinese dens m Haining-streofc, but 1112 police never see them. Perhaps the police have reasons, golden reasons, maybe, for this effected blindness. A ll3' thin'?: is possible m our police force.

Au unusual sight was' witnessed at Belvedere, Wnirarapa, recently. A stoat -(one .of the vicious vermin imported to kill rabbits— also poultry) was /sesn to ascend the branchless trunk' of a dead tree and creep up to starlings at. the top. The birds flew away m great agitation, to the evident disappointment of \the stoat which. remained on its lofty perch. ■Presently a blackbird alighted on the tree,, and after a short, sharp combat the animal scampered down the tree pursued by the infuriated blackbird. ; .., ■ .

If the police can spare time from harassing hard-workine. industrious street fruit-sellers, their efforts might with advantage be frequently directed to Ilaining-street and the other purlieus of that noisesome locality, and when those efforts are to be made they should not be heralded with trumpet-sounds, either. There is plenty of material for the "Vag" Act m those localities, and a fine haul of frail, but filthy femininity can 'be made mostly any night of the j week. There is no hope for some of these women ; but there are young ! girls trho frequent Chinese dens who | are surely not beyond all hope of re:£orm. The other night one respectable resident of Frederick-street was I approached by a girl not above the age of 11 years, who sought permission to climb over the back fence into a Chinaman's place. The girl was promptly sent about her busii ness.