ALL DRESSED UP—AND SOME WHERE TO GO

New Zealand Times, Volume LIII, Issue 12643, 31 December 1926, Page 11

ALL DRESSED UP —AND SOME WHERE TO GO

Suppose Spinelly Rode to Work in Her Stage Clothes !

By

RING LARDNER

The attitude towards modern life of a bluff, but shrewd, cow-puncher, who has settled down in the respectable London suburb oi Palmer's Green, is revealed in this intriguing series of articles from the pen of the great humourist, Mr Ring Lardner. •THE managing director of a promi- * nent building concern in the Midlands has just said that the hoys in the building trades felt inferior to the bays and girls in other walks of life because the first-named had to go to work in their working clothes, which nren’t what you could call

pretty, and that they would do a whole lot better work when they gob to their jobs if they wasn’t so downcast over their trip from - home to work, during which ' they, had to sit alongside of decently-dressed citizens in tramcars, ’buses, etc. He suggested that ,tbe .thing to do is to supply these bgys», with plaoes to change their clothes- and'wash up in the buildings or whatever it is they are working in and then when they rode to and front work they could hold their heads high and feel as important as their neighbours. Wells it sounds like's-good.idea on the surface, but when you come to think it over there’s one or two kind of serious objections. A BETTER SCHEME I don’t know how many people is employed at once on a construction job like the Bush building in Kingsway, for instance, but let us say

Some doctors have gone so far as to declare that people who dance the Charleston are running serious risks of injuring themselves permanently, and even of shortening their lives. Several West End hotels have banned it because of its appearance and the fact that it is impossible to move.ten yards in as many minutes without the whole floor becoming congested. A further objection raised by some is that the Charleston is vulgar. | VULGARITY run riot * Charleston mad couples wriggling their bodies and waggling their feet like crazy negroes; blatant young men and u'omen talking in loud voices; vulgar sallies which pass for wit; slapdash, casual manners, and a deplorable lack of restraint and good taste. ... That is a picture of the phase of modern life which •is in danger of earning us the .reputation of a vulgar and frivolous np.tion. As we are going on I am not so sure that such a label wouldn’t be justified. There is an excessive amount of vulgarity about to-day. Not only do we find it in the ballroom; it manifests itself in a score of ways at almost every gathering at which “modern” joung men and women are present. "QUAINtNESS” There was a time, no" so very long ago, when the Englishman was noted throughout the world for his courtliness and cultnre; his hatred of vulgarity, ostentation, and boasting; his dread of making a fool of himself. The national character seems to bo Undergoing something like a revolution—and the change is not for the bettor. What used to be looked upon as undignified is now “quite the thing.” Vulgarities which a few years ago would not have been tolerated in decent society are now committed with impunity, and the persons who commit them are labelled “quaint.” or “interesting.” Nobody ever thinks of calling them

there’s 100, and they all go to work at the same time in the a.m. and leave at the same time in the p.m. Well, if you didn’t want to start a riot you would half to have at least ■SO dressing rooms. 50 shower baths, 50 wash basins with running hot and cold water, to say nothing about hangers and shaving mirrors. These would run into money, and when the building was completed the most of the above accessories would have to be destroyed, as it would be almost impossible to move them to another building, especially the shower bath. It looks to me like there’s a whole lot better scheme than the above which wouldn’t cost nothing, and would save time and trouble for everybody besides furnishing a good deal of entertainment, namely, to compel everybody in all lines of Work to go to and from their work in their working clothes. SPINELLY ON THE UNDERGROUND The plasterers and bricklayers, etc.,

would still look just as soiled as ever, but who would pay any attention to how they looked if Betty Blythe or Annette Kellerinan in their working clothes was up in the front end of the car hanging on to a strap? And I don’t believe there’s a paperhanger in the world that would object to riding on the Underground to his job in his labouring Costume provided he happened to get jon the same 'car as Spinelly in hers. Whereas there couldn’t be ho mason feel very downcast after a twenty minutes’ ’bus trip with one of Epstein’s models or the girl that posed for September Morn. However, the costumes that would make the boys in' the building trades feel like they weren’t so bad off after all is the working costumes worn by some of their fellowmen of the masculine sex. Amongst a few I might mention is, firemen on an engine, stokers on a-ship,-mechanics in a garage, and maybe professional divers in full regalia.

what they are. And if they did it would probably only be tal.en as another sign of “quaintness.” ROMPS OF DEATH When I look round a modern ballroom I cannot help wondering what our great-grandmothers would have thought of the romp of death we call the Charleston. I don’t think they would have enjoyed the exhibition. I am not suggesting for a moment that we should look at life through Victorian spectacles, but I do suggest it is high time we returned to something more like sanity, and killed these jungle dances with ridicule. For me, at any rate, the sight cf perspiring couples " tying themselves into knots and performing acrobatics is merely disgusting. - I can’t see any fun in it. And I certainly can’t admire it. There is no doubt that the Charleston is responsible for a good deal of vulgarity quite, apart from its vulgar self. Its very nature breaks down the barriers of reserve, and the dancers seem to lose, themselves in an obscure orgy of movement. RUDENESS AT THE THEATRE I have notioed it time and again. When. the Charleston is played the atmosphere becomes electric. People get excited and restraint goes by the board. Very often they are so carried away by the mad fandango that their antics become offensive. How different it was when the waltz and the tangos were popular? There was more dignity, ancf infinitely more grace. But dancers nowadays will have none of them. They, live restless lives, and they demand restless amusements. , If only ono could koo themselves enjoying them I’m sure the Charleston would be stone dead in a week! Almost everywhere one goes, however, one meets evidences of the decay of good manners. At the theatre there is always a . number of people who turn round and stare rudely at the playgoers behind them, or who talk in conversational tones the whole time the action is going on,

The plasterers and masons, etc., 'would mount a ’bus or a car, and so* some of these■birds on their way home from their daily toil and say to themself, “I am glad I don’t'have to look like them poor chaps.” WAITERS ON A ’BUS In a good many restaurants the head-waiters wears evening • clothes day and night both, while the common waiters is attired in dress pants and a dinner jacket and a.dicky. There couldn’t be anything more fascinating than the; sight of these gents riding on top of a .Piccadilly ’bus dressed for action, and no painter or plumber’s assistant would need to be afraid of Being stared at in' that kind of company. Chefs and bakers would be another sight for sore eyes to say nothing about surgeons and other butchers. In addition to those mentioned, spectacles worth more than a passing glance would be Tunney and Phil Scott or Firpo and Elkv Clarke in fighting togs riding through the streets to keep an engagement with one another, or athletic club swim-

ming instructors on their way to the club, or Steve Donoghue on his way to the course, or male Russian ballet dancers on their way to the theatre, or barbers on their way to the shop, or chimney sweeps on their way home from the chimney, or Chelsea football club on the wayito.Stamford Bridge. MY FAVOURITE UNIFORM I might also point out the sensation that would' bo -caused by circus clowns or Billy -Merscin or Geo. Robey' or Gladys Cooper' all in'their makeups, walking or' riding to. or from business. . . Personally 1 do the most of what I laughingly call my work right, here at home in Palmers Green, but if I did have to go into town to do it the other folk would forget some of the hardships sometimes encountered on suburban trains .in the thrill I would give them, as my favourite uniform while at the typewriter is slippers, seeks, u-d-rw—r and a kimona.

It is nothing unusual after the first . act of a not very interesting play to find a girl turning to her companion with the remark; ‘ ‘Oh, I say, that is a frightful bore; Let’s talk about ’something.” And’when somebody murmurs, “Hush!” the offenders actually look hurt! -e The* trouble with a large number of young men and women'to-day is their extraordinary casual attitude.' towards life and its obligations.' Almost every society hostess has suffered from it. When she sends out invitations many of them are never answered, and sho doesn’t 'know whether the invited guests are coming, or not until tlie eleventh hour. A lot of it is a pose; it is considered fashionable by some people to affect the attitude that everything is’too much trouble, and that the line of least resistance is one to be taken. 1 But there is a danger of it becoming a habit. • THE REAL VULGARIANS The vulgar tone of to-day- is not limited to any one branch - of society; All clashes, are more or less guilty < f it. You will find it as much'in evidence in Manchester as in Brighton. But the real vulgarians are undoubtedly young men and women of tha type usually called "modern.” For some extraordinary reason a good many of them seem to look upon court- ’ esy and good manners as superfluities, and vulgarity as a social asset. | Their voices are often so emasculated and affected that they are almost unintelligible; their manner is frequently noisy, boisterous, and lacking in selfcontrol. When a group of them is together there is rarely any opportunity for intelligent conversation; everybody chatters at once like a flock of magpies. Some of the worst offenders are young men from Oxford and Cambridge who at least ought to know better. But a good deal is also the fault of tlie women. If women would demand courtesy they would get it. The trouble is that they are very often worse than the men.

I hare a horror of seeming to preach, and I view the present type of vulgarity more in sorrow than in anger. But I do think a good of it could be weeded out if women would only take a firm stand and refuse to be treated as “good fellows” by slapdash casual young men. When the War came along and chaperones went to the shelf, women gloried in their emancipation frpm the atmosphere of cotton wool and the flavour of lavender, and old lace. Naturally, they don’t want to go hack to it. But there is a danger of going to the other extreme. At the present time women have lost a good deal of their charm because they aro not sufficiently dignified and feminine. But there will always he the, swing of tlie pendulum. Some day it may swing back, nnd we shall strike the happy medium.