HUMOUR

New Zealand Times, Volume LII, Issue 12042, 21 January 1925, Page 12

HUMOUR

ODDS AND ENDS. A.: "My halftbrother is engaged .to my wite's half-fsister." B. when will they be made one?" *■ Sho: "What do you mean by kissing me?" He; "I just couldn't help myself." "But you just didl" SwaggS: "Ho made .£IOOO a year as an .air pilot.' 1 Swiggs: "And then they say -you .can't live on air/'* Maggie: ,f How old are you " Nellie: "I've just turned twenty-threo." Maggie: * r Oh. I'see—thirty-two!" ’ "Joan went to the ball as -a pillarbox." "Yes. I expect she thought it would attract the mails!" x "I confined the secret of our engagement to three of my dearest friends." "Three all told?" "Yes, all told!" s Globe-trotter: "Of course you went up the Amazon,?'' Roinapcftr; "My word! : what a wonderful xqpunt^in!" Angry Dinor: "Waiter, you ought never to have brought this coffee from the kitchen. It's too waak to stir." Husband: "Doos this new novel turn out happily?" Wife: "It doesn't say; it only says they were married." Robbins: *T didn't think you had any idea, of marrying the widow." Newlywedi: ,".T hadn't; it was an idea of hers." Visitor: "I suppose you know all the ins and outs of this place?" "Native: "Well, zur, I,knows all the inns!" "How would you classify a telephone girl? : Is; hers business or & profession * "Neither. It’s a calling!" City Boarder; "I suppose you hatch all yourself?" "Farmer: iSo. . We. keen hens for that purpose!" Boss (engaging office boy) : "Is there any tin n,g_y °u can do better than anyone else?' ' Boy: "Yes, sir; read my own writing. Guest: "What a number of crows there are around. Don't the caws, annoy you?" Farmer: "The caws don't annoy me half as much as the effect/' "Why do you star© at me?" "Father says you're a self-made man!" "Well* why'stare?"; "I'm wondering why you made yourself like that!" She: "I think'long hair makes a man look inteihgont" lie : "Not always. If my wife finds a long hair on my coat it makes me look an idiot." Mother : "‘■"Joan, darling, run and call Fzdo, will ■ you ?" Joan : "I don't see how I can, mummy, 'cos I aren't speakin' to Fido since he broke ! my 1 dolT!"^ Miss • Riche: "I 'lost my heart last night, pa. I Mr Poore." Mr Riche; * 11'm; You didn't -lose your heart—yon must have-lost'your head!" Counsel: "Was tho defendant's, air, when he pw«nu3©d to marry yoiu serious, or one of levity and jocularity?"; Plaintiff. "All viif/lod, sir. with.'im 'avin' inn 's 'ands through it." i She listened as he talked./ "I am nch," he said. "If you marry foe, my my motor-cars, my yacht, my houses, everything will be yours." "Fine!" slie exclaimed delightedlv. Then her, brow clouded. "But wlmt will you. do?" asked. ,