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New Zealand Times, Volume LI, Issue 11737, 26 January 1924, Page 10

The world’s record for a grain traiii is held by the Canadian Pacific Railway, on which a train a mile long, comprising 125 cars, with a total weight of 7916 tons, was hauled by a single engine. A “bow-wow, pussy cat, two baby bruviors, baby sister, pea hen, and 9 bunny rabbit,’’ was the request that & three-year-old Epping maiden was overheard making to Santa Claus, "Ten say. madam,” said a smart K.C. to a woman in the witness-box, “that the defendant is a sort of relative of yours. Kindly explain what yon mean by 'sort of relative’ and just bow you are related to the defendant.” "Well, you seo, it’s like this,” explained the witness, "His first wife’s cousin and my second husband’s first wife’s aunt married two brothers named Thompson, and they were cousins to mother’s aunt. Then, again, his jrradfafhers on my mother’s side and my grandfather on my mothers side were second cousins, and his stepfather married my husband’s stepmother after bis father and my mother died. And his ’brother William and my husband’s brother Walter married twin sisters. I’ve never figured it out just how close related we are, but I’ve always looked on him as a sort of cousin!” Doctor: "Sore throat, eh? Have von tried gargling with salt water?” Salient : “Well, I’ve been torpedoed six times!” "What have you in the shape of cucumbers this morning?” asked a customer of a greengrocer. "Nothing but bananas, ma'am!” was the reply. When is a man obliged to keep his word?—When no one will take it. Old Wiseacre: "Wise men write proverDs, and fools quote ’em.” Young Man: “Just so! Who wrote that one?” A girl-student in a cookery class was asked if she washed fish before cooking them. “No; what’s the use?’’ was the reply. “They have lived in water all their lives!” Magistrate, severely: "Aren’t you ashamed to be seen here so often ?” I’risoner: “Why, bless yer worship, thu place is quite respectable ter some place: where I’m seen!”