LAPSUS CALAMI

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXVII, Issue 8367, 1 March 1913, Page 9

LAPSUS CALAMI

(By “Philistine.”) From early savage times, clubs have been an important factor in all forms of government. History is dotted thick -with thorn as the final seat of civic power. Tho mace itself, the emblem of popular sovereignty, is but a club; and all down the centuries clubs have figured conspicuously in political changes. "Who has not heard of tho Bread Street and tho Friday Street Clubs, Le Club Politique, tho Jacobin and the Conservative? In tho Islands of Masseidonia, however, the political functions of a club have recently been brought to the nearest approach to perfection. The Bellevin Club, which graces the capital of these islands, is the rallying centre of the reigning families. It is perhaps the most respectable club the world has ever seen, and its respectability is of genuine solidity. It puts on no stirs of culture. It makes no pretensions to literary distinction. Its members include no such bores as literati. .It is not a disagreeably intellectual club; it is not a uselessly artistic club; it is not what is priggtshly termed a refined club. There is no. nonsensical “goodly fellowship of brilliant minds.” But for respectability it stands unrrvallod. Its respectability is monumental And, after all Rachel was right when he declared that the best test of a man’s respectability was tho property he owned-

Tho BoDevin Club is broad based upon Borne two million acres of freehold. (There ia a respectability which is celestial, and there is likewise a respectability which is terrestrial. The Bellevin has a stupendous terrestrial respectability. But it has also among its bright particular stars the mighty magnates of miscellaneous merchandise, and ao its dignity is of the highest, because it is sustained and suffused by the consciousness of its own territorial and monetary worth. In Masaeidbnia, the party in power—(the other party is of course that of the Jackasseno) — takes its politics from tho Bellevin; and, aa all Ministers are members, it has recently been proposed that the President sbould bo the Prime Minister for the time being—the committee consisting of the rest of the Cabinet. Members are divided into two classes—the territorial and the mercatonaL Only those landowners who have not less than 10,000 acres of first-class land are eligible for territorial membership, while merchants are on a strictly ad valorem basis. Strict provision has been made against qualification by fictitious aggregation; arid mercantile candidates are required to produce a balance-sheet fortified by a banker’s affidavit. <• ❖ ❖

■Recently, when the Premier was nominated for territorial membership, his terrestrial respectability was found to be Bom©wbai deficient, but all objection was waived on bis representing that bo was acquiring an additional area of coal-bearing land under tbe Masseidonia Land Act of last year...., Upon election, tb© Prim© Minister, declared that it was the proudest moment of bis life tb© crowning proof of bis quivering sympathy with tbe • labouring classes, and of bis own substantial territorial respectability. Tbe Bellevin started, and now runs, a newspaper which faithfully expresses and reflects the policy, prido, prejudices and proprieties of its owners. It is caviled ine Duthinion (which is the Masseidonian for the progress of property), and is the latest modern rival of 'Washington for accuracy and of Chesterfield - for taste. It is the fearless and unfettered champion of the interests of the_ Masses from the BeUevins’ point of new. Its shareholders hold more of the dominion of the Islands of Masseidoma than all the other- inhabitants pnt together; and they are so dear to the people as a whole that the latter have gratuitously added over £100,000,000 sterling to the value of their lands during the last twenty years

♦> ❖ Mr F. M. B. fisher, who has touched the of our politics, possesses a countenance which beams a perpetual benediction, and to this Nature has added a fine faculty for felicitous moral maxims. This was recently Tory happdly clisplaycd "when si liirtl© Isd ssked Km “to put something in his scrap book.” The Minister seized the opportunity for the following lines:— Be good, sweet child- and let who will be clever; Xto manly deeds, not boast them all day to your principles, and never , . To gain a post exchange them for the wrong. Before self-interest set your country's weal; _ . , Treat broken vow or faith as pure chs-

Lifefcm^T"convictions keep .as true as steel. Nor barter them for power or pelf or. placei. I'hns wilt then come, dear boy, to man's estate, , . . .With truthfulness to self your golden rule; And spurn with scorn the craven souls who rat© Consistency the refuge of a fool. V V V

The Hon. W. Fraser, careful canny soul, appears to bo much perturbed in spirit because of the emptiness of the Treasury, and is preach ins the doctrine of drastic retrenchment and the stoppage of all public works. This is scarcely likely to please tho people, who are ready enough to take up the cry of economy, but who are not content to forego the wants of their own little Peddlingtons. Aleanwhile, the other Ministers are not admitting poverty by any means. If one is to listen to the Hon. W. F. Massey and the Hon. F. M. B. Fisher, the Exchequer is overflowing with money, and Ministers have so much that they don’t exactly know how to get rid of it. Half-a-dozen new railways have been promised already, salaries of higher officials are being raised, and a largo part of that three millions and a half from the Hon. James Allen is still to come to hand. Perhaps this “hard np” cry of the Hon. W. Fraser’s is only a device, after all. to stave off importunate demands upon the public purse. Anyhow, money cannot be so scarce as he is. representing. because, to say nothing of the recent loan, look at the amount. of money Mr Massey must be receiving from* tho leaseholds that he is converting into freeholds and selling so rapidlv for cash. Why. with tho scores of freeholds that are being paid for at the present moment: Mr Massey is in dancer oil her of finishing the roar with a surplus of millions or of earning for his Cabinet the title of the ■•Spendthrift Ministry” before be goes out or office. M bi<.b w:ll it bo?