Storyettes

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXIII, Issue 7865, 29 July 1911, Page 19

Storyettes

"Woman,” obsorve-d the epigrammatic boarder, "is a puzzle without an answer.” "Ha,” snorted old Grumpy. “L never saw a woman without one yet.” "Of course, doctor, German measles aro seldom serious?” "I never met but ono fatal case.” "Fatal!” "Yes; it was a Frenchman, and when ho discovered it was German measles that ho had mortification set in,”’ “This paper,” remarked an Irishwoman to her husband as they sat at tea, “says that some feller declares there be sermons in stones. Phwhat d’yez think av that?” “Of dunno about the sermons," replied the good man, “but many a good ar-rgu-inent has coom out uv a brick, Oi’m tMnlan.’.” A disconsolate widower engraved, on his deceased wife’s tombstone tho words: "Tho light of my life has dean gone out.” In less than a year tho man had married again, and on taking his now .wife for a walk round tho cemetery was greatly chagrined to find that someone had inscribed, on his lato wife's tombstone, beneath the original epitaph, tho following words*. ’"Bat I have struck another match. ” Tho colonel had his regiment out for a practice march on the road near Dublin. His command was tho ——shire Yeomanry, which had suffered sever a I overwheimi ug rou t:s in tho Boer War. Moot-, ing a drove of pigs on the way to Dublin | market, tho colonel considerately halted his regiment, at the roadside, so a.s to let the pigs pass. "Oh, como on, colonel; come on!” cried the pig-drovor, respectfully saluting. "Comei on. yer honour. Sure, thorp isn’t a boar among ’em!” At one time during a season of heavy fog a London daily paper offered a prize for the best fog story'. The story given here won tho prize. A merchant, received a telephone message one morning irom ono of his clerks. "Hello, Mr Smith!” said tho clerk, over tho wire. "I cannot come down to tho shop this moving on account of tho fog.* I have not yet arrived home yesterday. * Mrs Nowrich (who has advertised for a pianist): "So you are the music teacher that answered' my advertisement?" Pianist: "Yes, ma’am.” Mrs Ncwnch: "Well, sit down hero and play a couple of duets so that I can sco what you can do.” , "Truth lies at the bottom of a deep wdl,” exclaimed a lawyer during a long and bewildering argument. Judging by the amount of pumping wo have to do to get it I think you aro right," remarked the judge. Everybody works poor father,. Think of tho bills to pay. Food and clothes and house rent, , With never a' word to say; Why not in the future Let justico have her sway. We celebrate a Mothers’ Why not a Fathers' day? "lot ns have peace," said tho English invader. “Can you not see that tho white-strangers love tho red men ?’’ “Ah, yes," replied the intelligent Indian, “they lovo the very ground! we walk upon.” “Do you think I could keep tho wolf from the door by my singing?” asked the, musical young man. _ "You could,” replied Miss Cayenne, "if the wolf had any sort of an oar for mnsic.” "Tho pen is mightier than tho sword”— But nowadays tho keenest fighter From which the hottest shots are poured Is a war mmourist’s typewriter. Visitor (at navy yard): "Why such extreme haste in tho building of that Dreadnought? There is no prospect of war, is there?” Naval officer (construction department): “Oh, no; .we’re simply trying to get her done and launched before she becomes obsolete.” "Are you troubled by the Blade Hand?" asked one New Yorker. “Frequenhiy," replied the other; “every time I fill a fountain, pen.” "She said I might kiss her on either cheek.” "What did you do?" “I hesitated a long time between them.” Young Bride: “1 didn't accept Harry the first time ho proposed.” Miss Ilival; “No, deal*, yon weren't there."