GUIDO THE GIMLET OF GHENT

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXIII, Issue 7865, 29 July 1911, Page 12

GUIDO THE GIMLET OF GHENT

Tho following amusing parody on the mcd'aeval romances of Mr Maurice Hewlett is taken from Mr Stephen Leacock's new book, "Nonsense Novels,” published by John Lane, London: The love of Guido and Isolde was of that pare and almost divine type found only in the Middle Ages. They had never seen one another. Guido had never seen Isolde, Isolde had never seen Guido. They had never heard one another speak. They had never been together. They did not know one another. -Yet they loved. Their love had sprung into being suddenly and romantically, with all thei mystic charm which is love’s greatest happiness. Years before, Guido bad seen the name of Isolde tho Slender painted on a fence. He had turned pale, fallen into a swoon and started at once for Jerusalem. On the very same day Isolde in pass-i ing through the streets of Ghent had seen the coat of arms of Guido hanging on a clothes line. ' ■ She had fallen back into tlfo arms of her tire-women more dead than alive. Since that day they had loved. . . . Guido and Isolde, though they hail never met, cherished each the features of the other. Beneath his coat of mail Guido carried a miniature of Isolde, carveu on ivory. He had found it at tlio bottom of the castle crag, between the castle and old town of Ghent at its foot. How did ho know that it was Isolde? There was no need for him to ask. His heart had spoken. The eyes of love cannot be deceived. And Isolde? She, too, cherished beneath her stomacher a miniature of Guido the Gimlet. She had it of n travelling chapman in whose pack sb-' had discovered it, and had paid its price in. pearls. How had she known that he it was, that is. that it was he? Because of the Coat of Anns emblazoned beneath the miniature. Tho same heraldic design that had first shaken her 'to the heart. Sleeping or, waking it was ever before her eyes; A lion, proper. Quartered in a field of gules, and a dog, improper, three-quarters in a field of buckweat. And if the love of Isolde burned thus purely for Guido, the love of Guido burned for Isolde with a flame no less pure. No sooner had love entered Guido’s heart than he had determined to do some great feat, of emprise or adventure, some high achievement or deringdo which should make him worthy to woo her. He placed himself under a vow that he would eat nothing, save only food, and drink nothing, save only liquor, till such season as he should have performed his feat. 'For this cause he had at once set out for Jerusalem to kill a Saracen for her. -Ho killed one, quite a large one. Still under bis vow, he set out again, at once to tire verv confines of Pannonia determined to kill a Turk for her. From Pannonia he passed info the Highlands of Britain, where he killed her a Caledonian. 1 Every year and every month Guido performed for Isolde some now achievement of emprise. And in , the meantime Isolde waited. . It was not that suitors were, lacking. Isolde the Slender had suitors in plenty ready to do her slightest h esfc.. Feats of arms were don© daily for her sake. To win her love suitors were willing to vow themselves to perdition. For Isolde’s sake, Otto the Otter had cast himself into tho sea. Conrad the Cocoa-, nut had hurled himself from tho highest battlement of tho castle head first into the mud. ■ Hugo the Hopeless had hanged himself by tho waistband to a hickory tree and refused all efforts to dislodge him. For her sake Bickfned the Susceptible ~ had swallowed sulphuric Biit Isolde the Slender was heedless of the court thus paid to her. , . In vain her stepmother, Agatha the Angular, urged her to marry. In vain her father, the Margrave of Buggonuberg, commanded her to choose tn© ono or the other of the suitors. ~ ■ Her heart remained unswervingly true to tho Gimlet. . From time to time love tokens passed between, tho lovers. From Jerusalem Ghiido had sent to her a sticky with, a notch in it to signify his undying constancy. From Pannonia he sdnt a piece of board, and from Venetia about two feet of scantling. All these Isold© treasured. At night they lay beneath her pillow. , . _ Tj Then after years of wandering, Guido had determined to crown his love witn a final achievement for Isoldes sake. It was his design to return to Ghent, to scale by night the castle cliff and to prove his love for Isolde by killing her father for her. casting her stepmother from the. battlements, burning the castle, and carrying her away. ... . This design ho was now hastening to put into execution. Attended by fifty trusty followers under the lead of Carlo the Corkscrew and Beowulf the Bradawl, be had made his way to Ghent. Under cover of night they had reached tho foot of the!castle cliff; and now, on their hands and knees in single file, they were crawling round and round the spiral path that led up to the gate of the fortress. At six of the clock they had spiralled once. At seven of the clock thpy had reappeared at the second round, and as the feast in the hall reached its height, they reappeared on the fourth. lap. . , . . . Guido the Gimlet was in the lead. His coot of mail was hidden, beneath a parti-coloured cloak and he bore m his band a horn. . . Bv arrangement he was to penetrate into" tho castle by the postern gate in disguise, steal from the Margrave by artifice the key of the great door, and then by a blast of his horn summon -his followers to the assault. Alas! there was need for haste, for. at this very Ynlctide. on the very night, the Margrave, wearied of Isolde’s resistance, had determined to bestow her hand upon Tancred tho Tenspot. It was wassail all in the great hall. The huge Margrave, seated the head of the board, drained flagon after flagon of wine, and pledged deep tho health of Tanored the Tenspot, who sat plumed and armoured beside him. Great was the merriment of the Mar ; grave, for beside him, crouched upon the floor, was a new jester, whom the seneschal had just admitted by the?postern gate, and the novelty of whose jests made tho huge sides of the Margrave shake and shake again. "Odds Bodikins!” ho roared, "but tbe tale is as rare as it is new!'and so the wagoner said to tbe Pilgrim that sith he had asked him to put him off the wagon at that town, put him off he must, albeit it was hut tho small of- the night—by St. Pancras! whence hath the fellow so novel a tale —nay, tell it but once more, haply. I may remember it”—and tbe baron fell back in a perfect paroxysm of merriment. As he fell back, Guido—for the disguised jester was none other than he, that is, than him—sprang forward and seized from the girdle of the Margrave the key of the great door that dangled at his waist. Then, casting aside the jesters cloak and cap, he rose to his full', .height, standing in his coat hf mail. In ono hand he brandished the doubleheaded mace of the Crusader, and in the other a horn. . The guests sprang to-their feet, their hands upon their daggers. "Guido the Gimlet!’' they cried. "Hold," said Guido, "I hare you in my power!’’ Then placing the horn to his lips and drawing a deep breath, blew with his utmost force. And then agaiu he blew—blew like anything. , Not a sound came. The horn wouldn’t blow!

“Seize him!’’ cried the Baron. "Stop," said Guido, "I claim the lawn of chivalry. I am hero to seek the V-iny Isolde, betrothed by you to Tailored. Let me fight Tancred in single combat, man to man.” A shout of approbation gave consent. The •combat that followed was terrific. First Guido, raising his raaco high in tho air with both hands, brought it down with terrific force on Tancred’s mailed head. Then Guido stood still and Tancred raising his mace in the air brought it down upon Guido’s head. Then Tailored stood still and turned his back, and Guido, swinging his maw, sideways, gave him a terrific blow from behind', midway, right centre. Tancred returned tho blow. Then Tancred knelt down on his hands and knees and Guido brought tho mace down on his back. It was a sheer contest of skill and agility. For a time the’ issue was doubtful. Then Tailored*-; armour began to bend, his blows weakened, ho fell prouo. Guido pressed his advantage and hammered him out as flat as a sardine can. Then placing his foot on Tancrod’s chest, ho lowered his vizor and looked around about him. At this second there was a resounding shriek. Isolde the Slender, alarmed by the sound of the blows, precipitated, herself into tho room. For a moment the lovers looked into each other’s faces. Then with their ditv traught with agony they foil swooning in different directions. There had been a mistake! Guido was not Guido, and Isolde Van not Isolde. They were wrong about tbs miniatures. Bach of them was a pic Cure of somebody else.