THE GOOSE'S EPITAPH

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXII, Issue 7301, 3 December 1910, Page 1

THE GOOSE'S EPITAPH

Dear Mr Hine,— Now that you seek . To be a Hampden once a week, (Although, if half one hears is true, An unconvincing Hampden, you), Here is a fable that mayjserve , To fortify your failing neivS, And help you, -when you next sot out To scatter sticky mud about, - To do it (though Twero not for pelf) : So you shall not bedaub yourself: - “ Once ou a time (my memory’s loose For dates),- there lived a certain goose, - Who thought, being pawky and absurd, Ho , was a most: prodigious bird, : And offered,, as a decent thing, A ; To teach , the nightingale to >ing. : The day-was set, the place was fi.s^d, 1 The necessary drinks were mixed. : The rooster from his midden came To act as judge. The cut and dog, (The ass, the earthworm, and the hog, As sympathisers of . this same Fool ‘goose,-, all • strolled Along- to hear The music, nor forbore to cheer. The ill-resounding squeak and squawk i bo rent the sorrywelkin that' . An accident befel the cat, 'Who was the more annoyed that she Had invited all her family. But still the goose's friend, the hawk, : Said, ’ You-possess a charming voice, , :-. At which creation' should .-rejoice. : s : : The more you sing, the, more 1 - On. your, mellifluous soft throat. The hog 'said, For. your minstrelsy, . I feel you rank just next to me.’ , : The ass 'cried,,' Your .delicious note ' Fills me';with pride*. 'The nightingale With envy turns, you'll notice, pale.’ '' (They didn’t: know, they couldn’t tell The brown bud (simply felt unwell.) . - ■The rooster said, ‘ 1 am the judge, ; i The nightingale ?, Pooh, ; pboli! ‘ What fudge! ’ 11 After such song as wo have j'heardW/igp-:, From this most perfect singing-hird. To praise -the' nightingale's absurd.; ■ : I*ll gladly, ere the iisom has set, Join - burdear -, goose in a' duet," ;V(( ‘‘The goose responded modestly, ‘ I fee! the world depends on me, ,' r And X am surely, I’ll engage, • • • The wonder (of the present age. ~ , : 1 (The’, lion ‘trembles when I'm vexed, -;, And I shall whip the tiger next •St. Andrew’s Day. ( Perchance of wit (: Y'ou’ve heard. Admire me. , I am It 1 : , Once.more I’ll sing, .uend me your cars! This is the music of, the spheres.’ "They would have listened, I dare say, And lived ;to lie another day. 1 . ■ , Howe’er, that be,, they all fell glad,; Until a passing rustic lad ( Seized hurriedly the vapouring bird . : And- screwed'his neck without a word."

You say the, fable's, stupid.; True— You .unconvincing’. Jlampden; -youl > 1 ■.But l if you think persistently * For twenty months, J think you’il see Is That after all the moral;'might Improve you ju your own despite. : The moral’s very Trite and plain; When moved to play, theifoolyrcfraih.s If you can’t sing a note, don’t try 1 .When some- neck-screwing rustic’s by. Should this, not 1 please you] Hampden. ■ Iline, ■ ■ ■ The fault is surely yours, not mine. ‘Often, I know, a man may be .The victim of his company. i; V To put it mildly—sure, enough, ho , : Cannot touch fluff and not ho tlulTy. They’ll help you; these ill weeks you've ■■ .■ spent, : ■ .'r-.': ■ If they; but help you (o repent. And yet, perhaps; there’s no physician Can -save that ; sickly: Opposition ; And if you felt, or feigned contrition For any ill that you have done, They’d straisht'dcsert you every one. To make mistakes is good, they say; But own yourself mistaken ? Nay!: ' To be sincere for half a minute? Forbear! The very devil’s in it! Poor chap, ' your destined {path you’ve ■ 1 ,■ trod, And found it thorny 1 . TOMMY HOI),