The N. Z. Times SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 1903. MANNER AND MANNERS

New Zealand Times, Volume XXX, Issue 6623, 12 September 1908, Page 8

The N. Z. Times

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 1903. MANNER AND MANNERS

UITH WHICH IS IKCOBPORATKD THE “WKLMSOTOH INDEPENDENT." ESTABLISHED 184 S.

Tho visit of.the American fleet to New Zealand and Australian waters created many topics of conversation, and among them was one that bad tho merit of being cosmopolitan in interest. Everyone could join in it with more or less certainty of expressing views diametrically opposite to those of his neighbour, for each individual has his own private and particular opinion on the subject of—-Manners. The arrival of the United States battleships led to discussions on manners that were wide and all-embracing, the personal characteristics of the strangers and of British officers and seamen being debated in relation to one another and as the reflex of national type. There are naturally great differences between the typical American and Britisher. Bach represents a different caste; each has a standard wide as the Poles from the other. Which was the more acceptable? On that rook opinions were shattered by thousands of qualifications. The reason is simple. It is to be found in the general confusion that exists between Manners and Manner.

No definition of “ Manner ” is possible. It is indefinable, elusive; something that cannot be grasped, yet can be “felt”; that cannot bo seen but never escapes detection. It’s a heritage that cannot bo inherited, an ' endowment that cannot bo exchanged—for no man yet tried to change his manner without becoming a prig, nor to acquire one without becoming a snob. Manner will make an ugly

woman fair; a costumier© never will. Manner will lift dull mediocrity up tho stairway of life threo stops at a time. It may make a coal-heaver look like an eccentric merchant on a holiday—and lack of it make a hanking magnate resemble the same grimy individual suddenly grown affluent. Manner makes more friendships than Action, more enmities than Insult, Manners, or something that passes for them, may be c ‘ learned/’ and an “ acquired manner ” is as conspicuous as a squint. A youth is drilled in the way to salute a lady in order that his presence shall bo non-irritant; to eat with a fork instead of a knife; to speak courteously; to attend to details of behaviour—but ho may do all these things correctly enough, and yet his manner of doing them will bo all tho days of his life that of an illmannered lout. There may bo to a woman a deadly insult in the handshake of a Chesterfield; in the clumsy salutation of a boor there never is. A woman with ton servants may know that she should not call on an acquaintance before 4 p.m., and yot never get more than grudging service from a retainer. Why? Her manners? No—they’re perfect. Her manner? Yes—it’s vile. The lady who graces tho corps do ballet may gain tlio coronet of a Countess by her manner of deportment in brief attire, and still her manners be atrociously bad. Tho politician with manners as rude as those of a barbarian has boon known to roach tho highest pinnacle of great-' ness in all countries. In every case he had a manner.

Tho lino of an old song about Father O’Flynn, “ You’ve got such a way wid ye,” shows what manner means. It is personality, native power, strength of will. Tho moaning of Manner is there in a nutshell, and tho meaning of Manners—well, that is concealed in tho covers of such humorous classics as “ How to Behave at Dinner- Parties,” “ Etiquette for Frumps,” and other delightfully pleasant contributions to literature. Manner makes a man a man among men, a woman a queen among women—manners, without Manner, makes either of thorn objectionable. There are men whose normal manner is one of rudeness, and no momentary correction of demeanour on remembrance of how they grate on the nerves of their fellows ever makes them other than bounders. There are women deluded by the belief that they aro in all respects grand dames whose arrant native snobbishness marks them indelibly for tho blanchisseuse they ought to be. The manner of a costermonger is sometimes allied to the brains of a Caesar; the manners of a courtier to the understanding of a dolt.

The standard of Manners alters with the years; of Manner not with the centuries. It was consistent at one time with the most advanced sense of what constituted good breeding to call a girl “a wench.” An action for libel would probably lio in its use nowadays, oven in the sensitive circles where “ a tart ” is a not infrequent expression of endearment. The manners of a lover who played a musical instrument around the promises where his inamorata sought nocturnal peace were never called into question. There would bo some debate to-day on the subject if anyone took such outrageous liberties with the sanctity of domicile. A troubadour would now bo “impossible.” The man or woman with a “ good manner ” is one who is natural and healthy. A gentle woman was a gentlewoman at all times, and always will be, for she is free from affectation. Affectation is the result of imitativeness—the despairing effort eh conscious inferiority to ape tho stylo of someone else, to copy something that seems impressive. It is seen in its most objectionable guise in the reckless sacrifices that are made at the altar of Fashion, and heard in its most obnoxious form in the accent by which tho mother tongue is so persis-' tently murdered. There aro innumerable people, men and women alike, who appear to imagine that there is some special distinction in speaking with an affected mincing drawl that really places them on the very apex of inanity. Women are tho chief offenders in this frightful habit—or, rather, a certain class of women, who aro neither an ornament to their sex or to the landscape. They represent the apotheosis of “ bad manners,” and on their vapid foolishness climb to the most dizzy heights of vulgarity. As an exponent of atrocious manners, the woman guilty of this sort of thing takes first place, for the occasional man who offends in the same way always looks so uncomfortably mean that ho probably realises what a nincompoop he is.