SNAP SHOTS.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXX, Issue 6492, 11 April 1908, Page 12

SNAP SHOTS.

ANOTHER GUESS. Wioked Englishman tell’ a story about a Caledonian, stern and wild, who went up to London to meet an American friend, and who, after being entertained bv him all day. asked aim in a fit of parting generosity what no would havo U> drink. “1 guess/* said the'Yankee, "I*ll have champagne/* “Weel, guess again/* replied, tho Scot, “an* guess Bometmn* nearer tuppence/* SELF-EVIDENT. An old country gentleman returning home rather late discovered a yokel with a lantern .under his kitchen' window, who, whoa asked his business thoro, sLited that he had only come n-courting. “Como a what?** said tho irrato gentle* man.

“A-courting, sir. i*s a courting Mary/*

“it’s a lie I What do you wont a lantern for? I never used one when 1 was a young man/' ‘ “No, sir/* was the yokel’s reply. “1 didn’t think ycr *ad, judging by tho missis/' . WHAT’S IN A NAME? Owing to tho alteration in tho voluns teor system at Homo a short .while ago there was started a movement ,to have tho kilts of a certain Scots Volunteer regiment discarded '.in favour of ordinary trousers. It was,objected that the men would bo discontented at- this change, and the colonel gave orders that a oesnr bug or the regiment bo taken in order to ascertain the wishes of the men themselves. The colonel is a descendant* of a long lino of ilioTont lairds, and strives earnestly .to uphold tho. old traditions. The sergeant . took tho census of tho regiment' linally ajipcared with his roport, . . “All tho men, with tho exception or three, are in favour of tho change, sir/* he said. .

"Indeed!" the - colonel said, "tell jpo the names of these three true clansmen. They shall bo promoted.' “They are, sir," *• he said. "Patrick Doolan, lions Stcinbrcnner, and Mooes Isaacs," * • * GIVE HIM HIS MONEY'S WORTH: • It Is impossible to ndo in a London cab and pay only the legal faro of a shilling for two miles. Try cab-driving without liberal .tipping, and the cabman will assail you with the most -brilliant and witty sarcasm. • A lawyer rode from the British Museum to the Ritz Hotel in Piccadilly, and through ignorance, only gave his driver tnc< shilling required by law. / ‘ - The driver looked at this shilling and bit his lip. Then in * the most courteous manner, motioned .to tho lawyer to get in again. "Go on." he said, "Do step in. again, sir. I could have drew ye a yard or two. further for this."- - THE BISHOP AND’THE MAN. ’ A good story is told of a recenjb visift of the Bishop of Sodor and : Man •to Mel? ton Mowbray, in Leicestershire. A„ cab awaited the bishop at cho station, and ho stepped into it, expecting to be taken at once to his destination. To his surprise, however, the coachman sat motionless on tho box,; .without tho'least intention, apparently, of, leaving the stAtion. \ At last tho bishop inquired why lie ways waiting..' ." / v . V" ■ : “Well, sir," said the coachman. “1 wa/» told to wait for the Bisnop of Sodor and Man. You've arrived, sir, and now I'm waiting lor the man." ) / ' GUT BOTH. WAYS. The sailorman was telling tao gentle*, .man of the many relations ho had lost at sea. , '. "Well," said the gentleman, "aren't •'you afraid to go to eoa r’"'' ' ' A"No, sir," answered the salt. "IAU you ever, lose any relation at soa?" "No,/ my man," answered the gentleman. ‘.'All my relations diM ill bed." ’ . "Then," said the salt, “aren't you afraid to :go to lied?" . j