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NOTES AT RANDOM.

(By “Haruspex.”) H«ro wo shall toll you a story; Horo we shall make you a song; For the sake of a moment's joetiug When the spare hour stretches long. You shall take tho gift we offer As a jest that is meant as a jest; You shall pay us a dole of laughter And—there we shall let it rest. A fow days ago a little lady said to "Haruspcx’ ; “Ob. Mr ‘Haruspex,’ you <3o write such nice poetry. I wish I was a, poet. Oo you know that I used to istand watching .sunsets so long that people thought X was a poet?” In the honesty of his heart “Haruspcx” said to her:— But a poet doesn’t watch the flaming sunset Throw ng rcarlct arms across a summer sky—flifi trouble.* on tho glories of tho sunset; There am other things more charming to his eye. Of coitrce, jic writes about tho flaming sunset; Of tin* night that puls to rc«>t tho sleepy day; .Gut ho doesn't caro a dash about the sunset— Ifo writes it up to earn some vulgar pay. And then, alas, he seeks prosaic glories, And guzzles deep, and smokes his pipe galore, Nor tells sweet-rhymed, artistic, sunset stories— Ah. ’”o! his soul but rarely leaves the floor. “If the Opposition over gets into power . . —A whoop by a Parliamentary candidate. ff coal should ever get cheap, my dears, And the sun should ever grow cold, tf honesty should manage tho world, Instead of tho greed of gold, We’d stand with our mouths agape, my dears, in surprise at tho god-liko dower; Yet nil of those things may be, my dears, If tho Opposition gets power. If horses were run on the square, my dears; If old age never would come; if each of us minded his own concerns. Things would be altered some. If none of us over compla ned, my dears, WVd jivo in a fairy bower, Yet all of these things may be, my dears, If tho Opposition gets power. If somo of tho Smart Set learned; my dears. At tho Opera House to bchavo, And cover tho breeding they shouldn’t have had With demeanour precis© and grave; If half of tho world would cease, my dears, In its aim to tho .rest devour, Th ng.s would be good; and it all may be When Hi© Opposition gets power.

“We have despotism in tins country to-day," roared a candidate for tho vacant city scat last week. “Let us clip fho wings of the mighty autocrat who wits in Molosworth street." r J-’ho peaceful writer of theso notes has often thought of That Terrible Man in Molesworth Street sitting ruminating some-1 ■ thing in this strain:— T am Czar of all the people,. I’m the top tile on tho steeple, fm tho mau who says the Word—l’m death or life; I’m tho ruler of tho ocean—’Seen .my training vessbl notion? I hold tho gnu; I make or break the strife. I’m a big, blood-thirsty villain. And I'm more than pleased and willin’ To shred tho public’s flesh and gnaw tho bones. There is naught gives me such pleasure Aa (sitting at my leisure A-llsteriing to. the .tortured people’s groan!. I lovo them to remind mo Of .the harm I've left behind me; L lovo to see tho wreckage down my trail; And I haven’t nearly finished— My strength is undiminished f’m going to smash tho Earth—it’s very frail. I'm a scarlet-handed robber, I’m a grand high-rolling jobber, I’m tho man who laid tho sleeper ou tho rail That wrecked tho tra ; n of State. I’m a grim, horrific fate, Pursuing peace along the battle trail. •• » . When “Haruspox” wont along to renew his poet’s license tho other day ho was told that to bring the spirit of poetry inrr lino it had been decided to issue only ten o’clock licenses. Since the beer-shops have been closing at ten o’clock “Haruspox” imagines that ho has been getting more Milestone and froth lhari heretofore, so ho has decided (to bring himself into lincl to shorten, the linos of Irs "pomes." Following is an example • ’Tig passing sweet, When , young, to go A mile to moot A girl. When old you grow, You halve your moat With her. although A girl. You tramp your boat, And never know When you must greet A girl. The conventional brass band—the sort that brays about in fortissimo uniform, insists in a loud tone on excluding reeds and strings, and is eternally soliciting 'subscriptions—is a kind of noisy horror that should bo pushed over tho edge of the earth, in a thunder and lightning storm without tho option. A kindly feeling has sprung up betiveen “Haruspex” and Major Jones, of Glen. Innes, N.S.W., on the subject of brass bands. The Major was recently asked to become rico-presidenfc of tho local brazen Gabriels. and his reply will bo read with fiendish glee by thoso who reside near a practice-room. Ho wrote:—“l consider that the first qualification to the office of vice-president ’would bo stone deafness. Fortunately, ’ I see and hear pretty well. Though not a professor of music, I do know that musical Bounds are defined under three headings —sharps flats and naturals. The component parts of your hand are of a similar character, viz,, tho shams are the playing members, the flats are the subscriMng public, and the naturals thoso who voluntarily listen to your music a second time On this sound basis I predict a successful career for your brass hand.” Finally, ho asked as a special favour that if in future they wished to connect him with the hand, it would b? forty-eight hours after his death. If any sound then reached him he reckons it will serve him right for his laziness in getting into his grave.

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Permanent link to this item

https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/NZTIM19050408.2.33

Bibliographic details

New Zealand Times, Volume LXXVII, Issue 5558, 8 April 1905, Page 9

Word Count
969

NOTES AT RANDOM. New Zealand Times, Volume LXXVII, Issue 5558, 8 April 1905, Page 9

NOTES AT RANDOM. New Zealand Times, Volume LXXVII, Issue 5558, 8 April 1905, Page 9