SOCIAL ETIQUETTE

New Zealand Times, Volume LXXI, Issue 4366, 25 May 1901, Page 4 (Supplement)

SOCIAL ETIQUETTE

To entertain successfully on moderate means entails on a hostess a great deal of thought not nnmixed with apxiety, and in a limited household it is wiser not to attempt too much, contenting oneself with pleasant teas and informal dinners; b'ut whether entertaining on a large or small scale, there are points of etiquette which must be observed.

To begin with, tbere are the invitations to be considered. Where a small dinner party is contemplated it is better to write an informal note saying: “Dear Mx-s A., —Will you and Mr A. give us the pleasure of seeing you quietly at dinner on Monday, the 18th, at 7.30, to meet one or two friends.” An invitation thus worded enables an intending guest to arrange her toilette accordingly, which to be in good taste, should be quiet, with a restricted amount of jewellery.

On tho other h snd, for a large dinner party, where an invitation of three weeks ahead is sent out, it is usually printed on a square card (.these can be procured already filled in with exception of name and address), and are in correct form worded thus: “Mr and Mrs B. request tho pleasure of Mr and Mrs C.'s company to dinner on , at 8 o’clock.” The address, whether printed or written, should he in the bottom of the left corner, and 'An answer will oblige,” or R.S.V.F., the equivalent in French, in the right. The answer, which should be promptly sent, would run as follows;—“Mr and Mrs C. have much pleasure in accepting Mr and Mrs B.’s kind invitation to dinner for at 8 o’clock.”

To write this on a sheet of notepaper would be quite proper, and in the case where an invitation is refused the phraseology is altered to “Ttegret that a previous engagement prevents them from accepting Mr and Mrs B.'s kind invitation.” Many young wives are diffident at first about little social rules to be observed at table; once learnt they are simple enough. A lady does not remove her gloves till she is seated at the dinner-table, then she does so before commencing her soup. The moment dessert is over she puts them on again, and would not take them off for the remainder of the evening unless she were asked to play. After dessert the hostess inclines her head towards the lady of highest rank, which is tho signal for the others to adjourn to the clrawing-room. The gentlemen rise while the ladies pass out. the host opening the door. It is not now the fashion for men to remain long in the dining-room; the wine is passed round once or twice, coffee and cigarettes are served almost immediately, and an exodus upstairs speedily follows.Conversation at this period becomes mors general in the drawing-room, nor is it necessary to talk exclusively to one's dinner partner. On leaving, a lady, if her dinner partner were a previous friend, would shake hands with him, but if only an acquaintance of the evening, a bow is all that is requisite. If a hostess thinks it would be agreeable for two ladies to know each other, it is quite correct taste to introduce them, but it rests with the parties introduced whether merely to spend a few minutes together, as in courtesy bound, or to continue the acquaintanceship. In the latter case the lady of higher rank or senior years would say, "I am at home on such and such a day, and should be pleased to see you.” In no other way would it be etiquette for either to call on the other. In the same way when a gentleman is introduced or has taken her down to dinner, a married woman may mention in strict social propriety her day at home, or the husband may say, “If you are passing our way we shall he glad if you will call.' 1 A host always escorts his guests to the hall, and should offer his arm to a lady as far as her carriage.