FROM PUNCH’S ALMANACK.

New Zealand Spectator and Cook's Strait Guardian, Volume XII, Issue 1229, 13 May 1857, Page 3

FROM PUNCH’S ALMANACK.

Caution for the Ball Room.—ln engaging a young lady for the polka or the “uextset,” make mamma clearly understand that the partnership is one of Limited Liability. Opportunity Neglected.-—The 14th of February is pairing day, and what a fine thingit would be if all the talkative simpletons in the House of Commons would take a hint from the occasion, and pair off for the Session. Example for Tradesmen.—Pastry-cooks seldom advertise, because a large proportion of their goods are puffs in themselves. Consolation for Russia.—lt is a popular delusion that hot countries are the most fruitful. On the contrary, when you are travelling towards the pole, a mere glance at the head-dresses of the people will convince you that you are more and more getting into fur-tile countries. The Brewery of the Sky.—A country cousin remarking to a metropolitan friend that a storm was brewing, the cockney said that be supposed the storm would be a ‘ail storm. Con by the Buoy at the Nore,—Q. What is the Lest thing to do with a collier that’s heavily laden and about to sink ? —A. Coal-scuttle her as fast as you can. Hint to Authors.—lt is one thing to live by your works : another thing to live in them. Consequences of Progress.—When railways and electric telegraphs shall have abolished time and space, what will become of watches and aidermen ? Thunder and Lightning.—One of the safest places during a thunder-storm is an omnibus in motion, because it is furnished with a conductor. Propriety in Dress.—Short dresses have been objected to by the prudish ; hut though the clothes of ladies are now more than long enough, they admit of the very greatest latitude —N.B. The discovery of the latitude has succeeded that of the longitude. War and Civilisation.—A file of British soldiers is generally found to polish a barbarous enemy. Obliged to cut his stick.—When a man draws upon the bank of nature, he first sends in the woodmen with their bills. Domestic Moral.—Those mammas must regard their daughters as mere dirt who are desirous of getting them off their hands. Advice to Artists.-—Draw anything but a bill, Pic-nics made Easy.—lf the gentlemen will bring the knives and forks, the ladies, attired in their fashionable breadth of crinoline, will supply the spread. Cheinistty of the Complexion.—Theproduceof pale brandy is often a red nose. Poetry of Nature.—Wiien mist falls upon the earth, ami freezes, it furms time. Advice to Deans. —Let the nave of your Cathedral never be a Jisgtece to the Church.