SOME GOOD STORIES

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1686, 22 June 1904, Page 19

SOME GOOD STORIES

GOT LEFT

A good story is told of Mr D when he was attache at the British Legation at Washington. An Englishman just landed who had some grievance which he wished to lay before the British Minister, bub finding him not in. he was siiown into Mr L — —As room, who, as usual, was smoking. The visitor said — •■jl wish to see the Minister; I am told he is not in the building, but I must see him; when de you think he win return?” “Really, I don’t know.” “Weil. I wiiL wait till he returns.” “Very well, be seated.” Handing the. visitor a chair, he resumed his cigarette and examining papers and letters. Not a word was spoken as hours passed. As Mr L— — was putting on his coat, preparing to close the • office. File visitor saw something must now be done. “Where do you think he is just new?” “Well, I cannot say exactly, but I think lie must be abcut halt-way across the Atlantic, as ho left here last Saturday for England.” in a storm the visitor said —• “You did not tell me." “You did not ask me.” The visitor left storming. WANTED NO TALK. A blustering, self-important gentleman walked into a barber’s snop and wanted his hair cut. He didn't want any talk —just a plain hair cut, and he wanted it right away. The modest and unpretentious old gentleman in the shop attenv - n o plain but was roughly told to go ahead without a word.

After the job was finished the man who knew everything looked in the glass and was horrified at his He fairly stormed around, and indignantly asked the old gentleman if he called that a hair out. The mild old man meekly replied:— “I don’t know. You must*ask-the barber. He’ll be in presently. I am the editor of the village paper, and was waiting for a hair cut myself, but you wottldn’t give me a chance to explain.” DEFECTIVE MEMORY. An anecdote which has lately been going the rounds in British official circles concerns the memorable experience of a certain member of 'Parliament during the last year of Queen Victoria’s reign. The statesman in question is not one of those who are most firmly convinced o«- the benefits of total abstinence, and the evening of a certain public function at which Royalty was to be., present found him in a condition which would not have been edifying to the supporters of that movement. The late Queen was receiving the guests of honour., and it was necessary that the convivial M.P. should be presented with the rest. As he scrutinised her face with grave perplexity, she offered her hand for him to kiss. But he did not kiss it; instead, he grasped it and shook it with vigorous enthusiasm. ff Your face, npadam,” he observed, “is perfectly familiar to me, but I’m blowed if I can remember your name 1” A THRIFTY SOUL. A pompous old gentleman in a railway station was getting his ticket, when he dropped a half penny. “I think you dropped something, sir,” said a porter. “Yes, it was only a copper, but ” He adjusted his glasses and stooped in search of the missing coin. “What was it?” asked a bystander. “Oh, only a copper, still—* —” He bent lower and glanced round. “I think it rolled under thqit seat over there,” remarked a man. “Oh, did it? Thank you.” The old gentleman went on his knees and peered under the seat. His glasses fell off, and he readjusted them, struck a match, fumbled under the seat, and

then rose to his feet, wiped the dust from his trousers, and said to a lady “Excuse me, madam, but I think it may have rolled in this direction. Mould you mind,rising? It was only a copper, The woman did as requested, and the searcher began to hunt again. “Isn’t that it over against the weighing machine?” said one of the crowd. “Ah, perhaps it is! I’ll sea. No, it’s only a button.” He pulled out his watch, glanced at it. and then at the clock on the wall. Then he hurried to the window and asked the booking clerk — “When did you say that train started for ” - “Four-ten, sir—just gone! Next is six-forty.” “Dreadfully annoying! Still a halfpenny’s a halfpenny.” And he began to search for it again. A TEST OF HONESTY. “Paper, sir? Evenin’ paper?” The gentleman looked down curiously on the mite of humanity, the two-foot newsboy, and said, with a slight smile—- “ Can vou change a sixpence?” “I can “get it changed, mighty quick!” was the prompt reply. “What paper do you want?” “ ‘Star,’ ” said the gentleman. “But-,” he added hesitatingly, “how do I know you will bring back the change?” “You don’t know it,” replied the little fellow, sharply. “Then 1 must trust to your honesty? ’ “That’s about the size of it. Or—hold on. Here’s your security. There’s 34 papers in the bundle. Ketch on to ’em!” Before the gentleman could remonstrate the boy had placed the bundle of newspapers in his arms and was off like a flash. The boy was - gone perhaps three minutes, but during that time the gentleman was rendered completely miserable A half-dozen of his acquaintances passed, and each one stopped to innuire if lie.

had gone into the newspaper business, and how it paid, while the newsboys gathered around and jeered him, under the impression that he was an interloper. Sc he gave a great sigh of relief when the boy returned and put the change in his hand.”

“I didn’t run away, did I?” the boy said, with a cheerful grin. “No,” answered the man, with a groan; “but if you hadn’t returned in another minute I would have run away.'* “And cheated me out of a ha’penny ?” domanded the boy, indignantly. But the gentleman did not stop to explain. “TIMES” GHOST STORY. The “Times” of a hundred years ago condescended to much smaller beer than the thunderer of to-day. This is its excerpt from its files of Jan. 22, -1804: “While the Hammersmith and Park Ghosts are still walking, it may not be uninteresting to notice an extraordinary circumstance which lately happened in the dead hour of night, in Harley street. A beauteous female was alarmeu reposed, by the curtain at the foot of her bed rapidly undrawing and again as quickly drawing. This supernatural motion was repeated so often that the affrighted damsel rang the bell: when 10l on the domestics approaching and examining the bed, the spectre appeared to be a little harmless mouse, which had entangled its head in the pillory of a curtain ring. Its struggles were the cause of that perpetual motion which had just made ‘night hideous 111’”