HIGHLY ACCOMPLISHED

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1676, 13 April 1904, Page 41 (Supplement)

HIGHLY ACCOMPLISHED

A merchant advertised for a stenographer with a knowledge of Spanish, who could correspond in that language as well as English. By mistake the newspaper printed the salary to be : das 30s instead of £3. By post the merchant received this communication in reply :—Dear Sir, —I beg to offer my services as applicant _ for the position advertised this morning. 1 am a young man, 32 years of age, and have had a business experience of 17 vears, and I feel confident, if you will

give me a trial, I can prove my worth to yon. I am not only an expert pirojacdent jstenographjer, and writer, excellent telegraph operator. and college professor, but have several other accomplishments which might make me more desirable than ordinary mortals. I am an experienced manager, and have won medals for reciting “Mary ha da little lamb.” I also have some knowledge of removing superfluous hair and clipping pup- - dogs’ ears. I am a practical farmer, can cook, take care of horses and •oigs, crease trousers, repair umbrellas, and also am the champion crick-

eter in my club. Being possessed of great physical beauty, I would not only be useful, but ornamental jas well,, lendin gto the sacred precincts of your office that delightful artistic cham that a stuffed billygoat would. My whiskers being quite luxurious and extensive, my face could be used as a doormat, penwiper, or feather duster. I can furnish recomendations from the Premier, Kaiser Wilhelm, and the leading nobility. As salary I would feel I was robbing the widowed of bread and the orphan of spongecake if I were to take advantage of your offer by accepting the fabulous sum of

30s per week. I would be entirely willing to give my services for less,, and by accepting 10s it would not onlygive me a clear conscience, but would also give you an opportunity of increasing your donation to the church,. your life insurance, and endow a free bed in the dogs' home.

Actor: I can’t play the three parts you have assigned me in this melodrama.. Manager : Why not ? Aiecause in the first act two of them engage in a fight, and the third rushes; in and separates them.

RETURNING FROM THE ANTARCTIC REGIONS—THE SHIPS ARRIVING AT LYTTELTON.

G. W. Bennett, Christchurch, Photos.