A COLLECTION OF “HOWLERS.”

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1666, 3 February 1904, Page 17

A COLLECTION OF “HOWLERS.”

(From Our. Special Correspondent.) . LONDON, December 19. ; The. greatest of all unconscious hu-mourists/.-is the schoolboy under examination. The “howlers” aommitted in class rooms . hare ever been a fnnir, ful source of amusement to teachers. and to. the world at large. Colonial* readers, will, I am sure, appreciate the following examination gems selected from a collection of mistakes wined has been made by the University Correspondent as the result of a. competition in which a . large number of schooll- - took part:—

Here are some of the specimen translations: Malitia non est iccus.—lt us no joke to be in the Militia.

Cum grano salis.—Although with a corn, thou dances t. Dcs mouches d’uno ta'ille colossale. — Flies with colossal tails. . * .

Prehez garde quo votre cheval ne prenne pas le ; mors entre les dents. — Take care that your horse does not >die of the toothache.

Some of the errors in history and grammar papers deserve a place bej.de the above:

The Act of Uniformity provided that everyone must rake an each of Passive Resistance.

King Alfred the Great was a very good-man, and when he died Lord Rosebery preached his funeral sermon. Iron is grown in large quantities for manufacturing purposes in S. Frenoe.

The sun never sets on Rr fi.sh possessions because the sun sets in the west, and our Colonies '.re in the north, south, and east. The diminutive of man is mankind. Question: Define the first person. Answer: Adam.

By the Statute of Mortmain clergymen were not allowed to receive land from people who died without the King's consent -or paying a tax. Wyoliffe’s great work was the translation of the Bible into Middle English, because he thought the people would be most likely to understand' the English spoken in the Midlands. Question: Why does true English history begin with the reign of Henry .VII? Answer: Beoaqse up to tl£s tune it was all lies. Mathematical and scientific genius is also revealed in a strong Jjgnt: A parallel straight line is one that when produced to meet itself does not meet..

To remove air from a flask: fill the flask with water, tip the water put, and put the cork an quick. The probable cause of earthquakes may be attributed to bad drainage and neglect of sewage. Question: Define a circle. Answer: Take your centre and take your distance, an-4 draw a straight curved line. This -ia a circle, and all lines drawn to it are equal. . Blood consists of two sorts of cork-screws—-red cork-screws and white corkscrews.

Question: Define a point. Answer: 'A point is that which has no magnitude but only lengtL and breadth; and there is a point in a circle where all- straight lines are equal. The ends of the parabola will never meet, though, of course, this could ba dene by making one small enough. Questions on miscellaneous subjects of general knowledge elicited some gems: Asked to explain what a buttress is, one boy replied, “a woman who makes butter,” and another, “a female but> oher.”

Teacher’s dictation: His oholer rose to such a height that passion well nigh choked him. Pupil’s reproduction : His collar rose to such a height that fashion well nigh choked him. One lad defined Primate "as the wife of a Prime Minister.

A Job’s comforter is a thing you give babies'to soothe them.

A sky-scraper is an over-trimmed hat. . Political economy is the science which teaches us to get the greatest benefit with the least possible amount of honest labour.

An emolument is a soothing medicine. In the .United States j>eoplo are put to death; by .elocutio n.

"The/Golden Horn” and "The Golden Fleece”, names of publio-houses. •Gravity was discovered by Isaac Walton. It : jljohiefiy noticeable in the autumn. wlien/the apples are falling from the trees. /A'