DOES MARRIAGE DESTROY OLD FRIENDSHIPS?

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1617, 25 February 1903, Page 27

DOES MARRIAGE DESTROY OLD FRIENDSHIPS?

IN THE MAJORITY OF CASES IT HAS THAT EFFECT. There is little doubt that in the maiority of instances marriage is the lumijug point in the road of life, nmoi separates a man almost entirely Horn me friends of his youth. Exceptional instances to the contrary only help to pro\e the truth of tins general rule. . A David and Jonathan kmu. of iriemlshin mav possibly survive the marriage of either friend, but. usually, ivhcm a man goes in for love, friendship l as m take a back seat. Sond fne„u> n s founded on mutual esteem and regaid of Course do not often end suddenlj ; th. cooling process is naturally felon ant often reluctant. It generally begins v/hen a man becomes engaged. No man can serve two masters, and when love rises sun-like on a man s horizon the stars of friendship fad-e gradually and imperceptibly away. . True, a good healthy, robust friendship is not always extinguished immediately at Hie sound of wedding bells, but the nien\ peal is often in reality an ominous knell for all but the most deeply-rooted -i".endships. The well known saying, ''There are no friends like old friends,” is very true but how few people there are who. alter marriage, make the most of tlieir old friends, and take the trouble to uo nil which they really might cTo to retain them. At any rate, it will hardly be denied that few Benedicts, wlio do not neglect their wives, manage to keep up 'be intimate companionships of their bachelor days. For this, of course, there are various reasons. For instance, marriage is often the occasion for removal to a. distant neighbourhood. Nothing, perhaps, tends to cut short old friendships quicker than this. The young couple probably depart for their new home with the good wisnes, presents and even love of a great number of friends, most of whom, in a few weeks, will have 'almost forgotten the existence of the happy jiany so completely will they have dropped out of the old ciixle. In cases where the bride or bridegroom, or both, happen to settle in their native place, the moulting process is more gradual, but though slow it is none the less sure. The causes which lead to this, in some respects, rather unfortunate result, are not so unnatural or remote as might appear at first sight. Take the bridegroom, for example. * If he is a professional or business man of average capacity, energy and diligence, his leisure will be considerably curtailed by marriage, and unless he neglects his wife or his business, or both, lie wjli find that he has little time left to devote to his okl and tried companions. Then there.is the financial aspect to the question.. Unless a man is well off he cannot afford to do much visiting on account of the expenses of travelling and so forth. Well, if the average man cannot afford to visit much, it is fairly certain that lie can still less afford to entertain very freely. Then, again, old friends who visit one's house are sometimes apt to be rather over-critical; though, of course, whilst the visit lasts this is mere or less effectually concealed. The element of jealousy. too, sometimes creeps in and is terribly effective as a pre-marriage-friend destroyer. It is only in exceptional cases that fellows who were friends of the wife in her girlish days are exactly the pink of perfection, or the most desirable friends possible in the eyes of the husband. Still less welcome are the visits of hubby’s old girl friends (possible sweethearts, perhaps), to the wife. Few women care to entertain old rivals. But apart from any feeling of jealousy, it is seldom a man’s friends are exactly to his wife’s taste, whilst hers do not often please him. The Benedict and bachelor stand on a different footing. When a man is single, if he wants society and friends lie must go out and find them. After marriage if he wants friends -(unless lie neglects his home), he must entertain them, and in the latter case he must, of necessity, be far more critical in liis choice than in the days of single blessedness. All this may be obvious enough to tile "old married man” or woman, but it does not enter much, as a rule, into the calculations . of young people who contemplate committing matrimony. To such hopeful and rash young people it is certainly a consideration not to be ignored or despised, especially if they are of a gav and lively turn of mind, fond of society, yet possessed of but limited means. Those married people who complain of a lack of fr.iends —and they are legion—must remember that friendship ia not love. '‘Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds,” but friendship generally does. Friendship is a flower wmeh requires careful cultivation. Neglect and inattention is fatal to its very existence. So that people who. after marriage, are too lazv or too indifferent to take the necessary means to encourage and foster the old intimacy with those friends who are really worth keeping, must not be surprised at ultimately finding themselves in a state of "splendid isolation/’ Miss Carnell, daughter of Mr S. Carnell, of Napier, was married on Thursday at Napier to Mr R. D. Spraggon, of D. Benjamin and Co., Wellington and Uunedin.