SOME GOOD STORIES

New Zealand Mail, 29 January 1902, Page 24

SOME GOOD STORIES

KHAKI OF ANOTHER KIND. A curious incident, of which I was a witness (writes “Looker On” in the “Birmingham Post”) occurred the other day at New Street Railway Station. Someone saw a big party of men dressed j in a sort of khaki alight from a train j on No. 3 platform. A hearty “Hurrah” j went up from several youths on the ; bridge, who were evidently awaiting ; some companions from the war. Then there was a rush to the platform, the youths, of course, being followed by many others, for “khaki” is always a: sure “draw.” Judge of the astonishment and disgust of the spectators on finding that the “gentlemen in khaki” were not from the war at all. but were convicts, in yellow-tinted suits, marked with the broad arrow, changing from New Street to Snow Hill Station. They were being moved from one Government depot to another. The convicts—who were in charge of a number of stalwart warders, and chained together in batches of five—much enjoyed the joke. The Birmingham police van, popularly known as “Black Maria,” drawn by a sprightly team of horses, was promptly on the scene, and within a very short time the “gaolbirds” had disappeared from public view.

A CAUTION TO SMALL BOYS

I have often wished, says Frank T. Bullen, in “The Men of the Merchant Service,” that it were possible to make lads who at school chatter so glibly about "running away to sea” understand how impossible it is to do any such thing nowadays, except, indeed, in such vessels as are the last resort of the unfortunate.

The vessels of which I speak are those small sailing craft which still drag out a precarious existence in competition with steam. They may be seen at all our smaller ports, lying disconsolately on mud-banks at ebb-tide. Oh, so dirty, so miserable they look!

Worn-out gear, wretched food, and not enough men and boys to do the heavy work, they provide a hard school for young seamen. In them may be found still the bad traditions of lialf-a-century ago.

It is all very painful, a side-path to seafaring that must have lent itself to many abuses, through which many a poor, misguided lad got away to sea, and found no place of repentance until too late. I only mention it here because, in speaking of the bo\ T , lam painfully reminded of the miserable little seadrudges who are still to be found in these vessels, leading the hardest of lives and unc-ared for by anyone. They are worthy of all sympathy, being so helpless, so unable to raise themselves. Their environment is as bad as it can well be, for, whether ashore or afloat, the company they are in is usually of a very bad kind. Now and then, of course, such a vessel will have a good, steady seaman, who has an interest in her, for a skipper. A man like that will often carry liis wife, and will endeavour to keep a respectable crew with him, voyage after voyage. And as likely as not. he will take an interest in the boy. and try to make something of him ; but such exceptions are rare.

A STORY FROM CENTRAL AFRICA

In central Africa the only currency is the native one. consisting of cowry shells. Each piece of this money is worth about the one hundred and twentieth part of a penny. When Dr. was travelling in Africa some time ago, one of the local kings sent him, among other things, a present of a hundred thousand cowries. On receiving them (the doctor says) I was told, what I subsequently ascertained to be correct, that it was customary to give the bearer of the present ten thousand cowries for himself. They are, as a rule, delivered in bags containing twenty thousand each. Noticing that the man who was responsible for their safe carriage had brought one hag that was obviously under weight, some two thousand cowries having been extracted from it, I asked him if ho was certain that this particular bag contained the proper amount. On receiving his assurance that it was, I told him to sit down and count from this bag the ten thousand cowries which, according to native custom, I owed him. He did as he was bidden with great alacrity, thinking, no doubt, that the white man was sadly lacking in sagacity to allow a creditor to count his own money unchecked. I noticed that he took full advantage of his privilege, and, so far as I could judge, the sum which he counted exceeded by at least two thousand cowries the sum to which ho was entitled. His task completed, I asked him again if he were sure that the bag, as delivered by hiip, had originally contained twenty thousand cowries. On his replying in the affirmative, I suggested that, this being so, the amount which remained over must, therefore, Bo ton thousand. On his assuring me that my calculation was correct, I told him to leave with me the ten thousand

which he had just counted, and to take the rest as his due. —“Chums. 51 '

SOME SLANG PHRASES IN EVERYDAY USE.

In what proportion (asks “Dagonet” in “The Referee”) have the various national sports and pastimes contributed metaphors and expressions to our everyday language ? I asked myself the quesj tion during the Yacht Race, when I i read that Barr had taken the wind out !of Sycamore's sails. It struck me that ! this was one of the few metaphors borrowed from yachting for general application. lam inclined to think that the Ring has contributed more generously than either Racing or Cards, that : Cricket comes next, and that Golf is nowhere. Let us see. From the Ring we have taken phrases used alike in Parliamentary debate, the Law Courts, the club smoking-room, and the newspaper article. For instance: “Hitting a man when lie’s down: Coming up to time'; Throwing up the sponge ; Coming up smiling ; Hitting below the belt: Fighting with gloved hands: First blood; A knock-out: Straight from the shoulder; Counter and cross-counter;” and “The judicious bottle-holder.” From Racing we have taken .-“What’s | the odds? Eclipse first and the rest I nowhere: A clear course; Take his num- '■ ber down; Neck and neck ; Done oil the

From the Ring we have taken phrases used alike in Parliamentary debate, the Law Courts, the club smoking-room, and the newspaper article. For instance: “Hitting a man when lie’s down; Coming up to time'; Throwing up the sponge ; Coming up smiling : Hitting below the belt; Fighting with gloved hands: First blood; A knock-out; Straight from the shoulder; Counter and cross-counter;” and “The judicious bottle-holder.”

From Racing we have taken .-“What’s the odds? Eclipse first and the rest nowhere : A clear course ; Take his number down; Neck and neck; Done oil the post; In false colours; A bad start; Handicapped; A dark horse; A dead cert.; Giving him his head; Odds on: An outsider: A walk-over: Winning hands down : Settling dav” and “A deadheat.”

From Cards we have: “Play cards on the table; He holds the ace; A trump card : Honours easy; Pegged out; Turned up trumps: Showing his hand; Follow suit; Trick and tie; Winning the rubber.”

From Cricket we have borrowed “Stumped ; Bowled out; Off his bat.” A popular metaphor for anything unfair is that “It’s not cricket.”

From Fencing we have borrowed “A palpable hit” ; and from Golf. “Bunkered.”

There may be other expressions forming part of our everyday language which have escaped me, but I fancy the above is a fairly complete list of the contributions of Sport to the language of familiar conversation.

SUNSHINE AND HEALTH

A merchant noticed, in the progress of years, that each successive bookeeper gradually lost bis health, and finally died of consumption, however vigorous and robust he was on entering his service. At length it occurred to him that the little rear room where the books were kept opened in a back yard, so surrounded by high walls that" no sunshine came into it from one year's end to another.

An upper room, well lighted, was immediately prepared, and his clerks had uniform good health ever after. A familiar case to general readers is derived from medical works, where an entire English family became ill, and all remedies seemed to fail of their usual results, when accidentally a win-dow-glass of the family-room was broken, in cold weather. ” It was not repaired, and forthwith there was a marked improvement 4.11 the health of the inmates. The physician at once traced the connection, discontinued *liis tnedicines, and ordered that the windowpane should not be replaced. A French lady became ill. The most eminent physicians of tier time were c-alled in, but failed to restore her. At length Dupeytren, the Napoleon cf physic, was consulted. He noticed that she lived in a dim room, into which the sun never shone, the house being situated in one of the narrow streets, or, rather lanes, of Paris. He at once ordered more airy and cheerful apartments, and “all her complaints vanished.”

The lungs of a dog become tuberculated (consumptive) in a few weeks if confined in a dark cellar. The most common plant grows spindley, pale, and straggling if no sunlight- fails upon it. The greatest medical names in France, of the last century, regarded sunshine and pure air as equal agents in restoring and maintaining health. From these facts, which cannot be disputed, the most common mind should conclude that cellars and rooms on the northern side of buildings, or apartments into which the sun does not immediately shine, should never be occupied as family rooms or chambers, or as libraries or studies. Such apartments are only fit for purposes which never require persons to remain in them over a few minutes at a time. And every intelligent and "humane parent will arrange that the living room and the bedrooms shall be the most commodious, lightest, and brightest apartments in his dwelling—“ Health.”.

SMALLEST MONKEY IN THE WORLD.

The latest fad in New York in the way of pets is the pocket monkey. is only about two years since the little fellow made his first appearance in the

United States in his present capacity, but now his popularity has become so great that the men who make a business of catering to the whims of the people who like pets say that the demand for the pocket monkey is five times as great as the supply. | The pocket monkey is a native of Brazil, and perhaps the smallest member of the Simian species known, being about five inches long, but with a tail that is sometimes three times as long as his body. j

“We can’t- get enough of them,” said a man who makes a business of selling pets. “I have one here that I have been offered 100 dollars (£2O) for, but the average price is twenty-five dollars. They are the finest little acrobats Tve ever seen. For instance, here’s a cage made on purpose for a pocket monkey. You will notice that it resembles a miniature gymnasium. There are trapezes, horizontal bars, and all sorts of things of that kind. “Now, if a pocket monkey didn't find them in his home he would be heartbroken. Of course, they don’t perforin just whenever one wants them to, but in the morning, just after they have waked up, you will find them actively engaged in doing all sorts of gymnastic feats.”—“Cassell’s Saturday Journal.”

STORY OF THE DUCHESS OF ALBANY.

Self-possession is almost indispensable to Royal personages, and the Duchess of Albany has a good deal, but I saw her utterly at a loss as to her next move on one occasion (a correspondent of “The Week-End” writes). I forget whether it was at Esher or at seme neighbouring village, but the function at which she was presiding was the inauguration of a new fire engine. The ceremony of turning on taps and making a speech had been successfully performed, and the Duchess, all smiles and pretty compliments, began to walk towards a tent in which tea was served. Suddenly she stooped and took tip the end of a hose, and at that identical moment someone turned on the water! There was a spurt, a gurgle, and the Duchess received a stream of cold water full in her face. The consternation of the local dignitaries can perhaps be better imagined than described! It was a moment for heroic action, and I wondered if the Duchess would take it, but ter femininity was stronger than her Royal dignity at that moment. With a despairing shriek she put her hand to her ruined bonnet, glanced down at her dripping laces, and fled!

LOVERS’ QUARREL AND BROKEN ENGAGEMENT.

One night a newly-engaged couple were going to the theatre. In the cab the young man asked his fkyieee to lethim see her ring for a moment, some peculiarity of its sparkle having caught his eye, although why she should have had her glove off no one can tell. She gave him the’ ring, and he examined it for a time in the light of the cab window. When the cab stopped, she asked him for the ring. “But I gave it back to you. and you took it.” “No, you did not. I have not- had it since I gave it to you.” Lights were brought, search was made, clothes were shaken—every place a diamond ring could possibly lie concealed was uncovered. The ring could not be found. Each persisted—he gave the ring back, she that* she did not receive it. Assertion became argument: argument changed from heat to ice; communication was interrupted, and finally ceased: the engagement was broken. They 7 went their ways, and each married another.

One day, several years later, the woman. ripping up an old ball dress, found in the heading of one of the ruffles a diamond ring. It was the lost engagement ring.

She wrote to her former lover a lette” of apology and explanation; but- the incidenthad turned the current of both their lives. This is a true story.

A BUSINESS MAN’S QUARREL

A curious instance of the stubbornness of a firm of wholesale traders came (writes Looker-On” in the “Birmingham I ost ) to my notice the other day. One vho had contracted a debt amounting to, say, £_l 12s 4d sent a cheque in payment for £2l 12s, it being still the somewhat common practice 111 certain trades not- to pay, when settling accounts, “odd coppers. The other firm, however, resented the deduction, and sent a strong-ly-worded letter calling- for payment, this greatly incensed the debtor, who md been a customer of long standing, and he decided to ignore the correspondence, with the result that the cheque for £2l 12s was returned, and proceedings to secure payment were taken against him in the County Court. liie man then sent- a cheque for the full amount, but this, too, was returned, with the curt reply that the matter was now out of their hands,” and that CaurT on ’Z must bO . paid thr ™gh the Court, Things remained like this until dnv C ” UP f o fi° f days bcfore tho “hearing day of the summons, when the whole amount, was paid into Court, together

with certain, law costs. Tho £ v of it all is, therefore, that their 4d and that to’do twTuS",* to expend lawyer’s fees, etc U hav * ing to about 305., whilst the driS® 0 ? 14 *-' to pay something like 12s ext«° the funny part of the whole bm’ v 4 is that each side now claims to ! “satisfaction." I suppose they N’ they .

FRANCO-GERMAN HOSTILITY

It is curious to note the extern- a which the anti-German feeling in to is dying out; at the present one would imagine that it was non-ert istent, and in twenty more year* I convinced that it will be "conml e f«£ dead. A proof of this has jusf bS given by the triumphant success of th production of Herr Hermann Sauder maun’s great play, “Die Ehre.” by M Antoine, under the title of “Honneur’* It is true Madame Sarah Bernhardt has led the way by playing “Migda ” th French version of “Heimath.” by the same author; but then the great Sarah can do things that no one else dare attempt. And not only has the piece been played, but it has been received with a unanimous chorus of praise. When we think that the scene is laid in the once-liated Berlin, and that the characters are all German, we realise the immense change in public feeling since the days whenscavalry had to charge on the Boulevard because-a German opera was to be given at the Grand Opera,—Pads correspondent, in the “Graphic.” f

A NEW USE FOR ACETYLENE LAMPS.

An insect pest, known in France as the pyrale, lias for the last two or three years been working havoc among the vineyards of the region of Beaujolais. Against this pest the vine-growers have adopted a curious and apparently effective remedy. Like most other insects, the moth or butterfly of the pyrale is attracted by a bright light, and taking advantage of this weakness, the owners of the vineyards have fixed acetylene lamps around their areas, the flames being exposed and the lamps placed over a bowl containing petroleum. At dusk the lamps are lit. and as the night darkens thousands of the insects rush to the light, and either perisli in the flame or in the petroleum. In ,the course of eighteen nights, and employing experimentally two lamps 50 yards apart, 170,000 of the winged destroyers were killed. As mosquitoes are similarly attracted by light, the suggestion occurs whether in malarial districts ill’s simple and inexpensive process niigM not- be added to the other means m being so successfully employed in West Africa for the extirpation of the anopheles.

A PARSON’S JOKE

In the days of Bishop Samuel Wilberforce, the Church Congress gatherings were brightened by a trail of facetiae. largely contributed to by the witty prelate himself. 011 one occasion (says “The Free Lance”) lie wrote the testimonial for an Irish clergyman, who had applied for the post of local secretary : “If the possession of red hair, some amount of pecuniary embarrassment, and a moral character not- wholly devoid of reproach, are the qualifications requisite for the secretaryship of your admirable institution, the RevBarney O’Brien may be safely,, recommended, as endowed with all these gift* and graces.”

AMUSING SCENE IN A LONDON THEATRE.

"It was at the Queen’s which was in Long Acre, London. The play was ‘Macbeth,’ and good old John Ryder was representing the guilty , Thane. London had just recovered from the sensation caused by the Whitechapel tragedy—the bloody deed of Henry ; Wainwright, who carried the body »t“ 9 poor gii-1 who was his mistress and hi* victim to the warehouse known as < Th® Hen and Chickens,’ in the Borough- T® Macbeth entered the first- and second murderers to bo employed by the ambitious one who had waded through slaughter to a throne, and who, for hi* better security, was thirsting for m° r ® gore. The awful appearance of the nrs murderer sent a thrill through th® house ; the more awful appearance of cf _ second moved one of the gods to irreverence and to the exercise of his vulgaf wit.

“‘Where’s Wainwright?’ he roared. “Ryder, whose countenance was inflamed with pardonable anger, advanced the footlights, aud with arm u P' lt j-d thus addressed the audience: . and gentlemen, I rvill give a sovereig anybody who will turn that blackgu . into the street-!' It is said —with truth lam unable to tell —that ‘blackguard’ turned himself int° street, went round to the stage . saw the still indignant John, to ‘ .= ho had done the trick, pockete . sovereign, aiid went on his way ing.” ' UU j