TURF TOPICS

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1523, 28 February 1901, Page 37

TURF TOPICS

(BY ADVANCE.)

THE PUNTER AND THE MUSHROOMS. A certain punter, who lives near a metropolitan club's course, recently resolved on witnessing the early gallops with a view of spotting some prime things. But there was a great obstacle in the way—his better half had a most decided objection to horse racing, and as the punter was by no means a nearly riser he was at a loss to invent a yarn to account for the-sudden habit of leaving a warm bed at four in the morning. At last he struck it. Mushrooms! The same evening he held forth on mushrooms, his good lady would like some so much —but there was no one to get them. Here was hubby’s chance, so he at onoe took advantage of the opening and expressed his intention of going next morning. At 4 a.m. he crept out of bed and quietly got outside—the kit was soon safely planted under some shrubs, and hubby made a bee line for the racecourse. Towards seven the wife thought it near time to look for her husband—and the mushrooms —and taking the house dog “Bookie,”, she walked towards the gate. After looking in vain she strolled back to the house and called “Bookie/’ who promptly came out of the bushes with the mushroom kit in. his mouth. That settled poor hubby’s kindness in going 'mushrooming. Into the bedroom went the wife —straight to hubby’s bed,

from under the pillow (he was a dreamer). came a handful of clippings headed “weights/’ acceptances” and “performances/ 5 etc. In hubby’s anxiety so early in the morning he had forgotten to hide those clippings in his pocket, and the wife by some means spotted them when she aw/oke. Here was evidence, the empty kit was guilt! Now for his return! Just then he came through the gate and made a frantic rush for the place where the kit should have been; a hurried search proved fruitless, so hubby forgot all about 1.20 on the plough and 1.34 by a brown noddy, and walked in to see “'Bookie 55 shaking the mushroom kit to pieces, and his wife standing at the fire with the frying pan. One look was enough, there ho saw stewed acceptances, stewed nominations, stewed performances, etc. The wife laughed. The husband suddenly thought of his bath. No explanation was asked. None was given.