THE LACK OF GRACIOUSNESS

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1523, 28 February 1901, Page 10

THE LACK OF GRACIOUSNESS

It is this lack of graciousness, rather than actual ungraciousness, that is, so often to he noticed in the deeds and words of many women. They do not mean to be either rude or unkind, and vet very often, to all outward seeming, they are both, simply because they la-s, c-itlicr in their being or tlieir training, the gracicusness that gives such a charm to those who possess and use it, and whicli wins for them both admiration and affection. There are many people who do ihe light thing, but who do if in the wrong way; who will perform a kind action, yet m such a manner as to give pain insfc aid of y '.ensure ; will grant a request or confer a favour in a manner so ungracious that the recipient almost wishes that the request had been refused or the favour witJihe d hi: eh tt one is often quite unaware of her own ungraciousness; she knows she lias dtne a kindness, and blames the recipient of it for not shewing more pYasuie and expressing more gratitude. If she were told that the fault laj' with herself, or, rather, with her manner, she would no doubt be very much astonished, and probably reply that it was her natural manner, as if that were any excuse; and yet it is so to the speaker, for we are all apt to forget that everybody has natural faults that ought to he, and can be, overcome, and natural defects that require to be softened and improved. Of course, training has a great deal to do with good manners, but even training cannot always supply the lack of graciousness, for this springs from kindliness of heart and a. desire to give pleasure to others. It is a greater drawback to a woman to lack graciousness than it is for a uian, as far as society is concerned, for it is in the daily little matters of social life that it is most felt and the most missed. Has not everyone noticed the difference there is in a house that is presided over by a gracious hostess and one Avhere the mistress of it lacks the pleasant quality r It is not, however, only in her own house and in her place as hostess that the lack of graciousness in speech and manner is a drawback to a woman. Wherever her lot may be cast, and among whatsoever people, whether she is placed in a subordinate position, or is at the head of affairs, whether she is rich or poor, an idler or a worker, at the beginning of life's journey, or well on the upward road, it is the same. If she lacks this gift she has missed a useful friend and powerful benefactor. Without it she certainty may get on. but with it she is almost sure to do so, and at the same time -will gain friends and win affection, which latter is so rich a gift to every woman, for without it none is ever realty content or quite happy*. It is not only when a favour is bestowed, but also when one is accepted, that the lack of graciousness is shown; for many—indeed, we may say most—people find it easier to show than to accept kindness graciously, and if the giver lacks the pleasant quality, it makes it tenfold more difficult for the recipient to show it. It is easy to lay the blame of our faults and failings upon Nature, but if we lack by nature, there is no reason why we should not, if we will, cultivate this rr sweet,' ? attractive kind of grace/even though it may be with some a. plant of slow growth.