SOME GOOD STORIES.

New Zealand Mail, 18 January 1900, Page 13

SOME GOOD STORIES.

OF COURSE !■ I'biß story is told of a North-country servant girl, who was living with a famuy in. bno. neighbourhood of Oxford. Ono vet day she happened to step into a heap of mire, and returned home with her clothes much soiled. "What have you been doing ?” asked her mistress. "Oh," said she, “I stepped into a hump Lock o' giaur.” "And what’s giaur?” "Just c!airis, said the girl. “But what clairts?” "It’s just clabber.” dear me! Wha.fi is clabber?” Blabber is drookit stour.” . 'Bufi what is drookit stour?” insisted the amazed lady, wee!,”, said the girl in a surprised tone, "’Avo nae patience wi’ ye. xo «ud ken as weed as me, it’s just wat dirt, of course!”

did double duty.

j-oe, Episcopal Bishop of Geelong, \ iccona., tnough a very strict observer ot tne Christian rule, is also a man ?, ft U3 °t e ‘ Hooliganism had run riot mins diocese,.and he took occasion to express himself strenuously in denouncing certain outrages that had- recently boea committed. v sl7 , latsr , ke met a lusty fellow, 7 r °, U P to him with, the inquiry— Are you the Bishop of Geelong?” , I was the reply ' on that '” kirn a blow For answer the Bishop literally fcurn- ■ 110l 10 ot-ibr cheek. The ruffian, someWmfi puzzled, struck out again, though J 39 vlol ent y, Hin enlightenment tha “Hitherto,” said tr ° r T i kavo been doing my duty to God. Now lam going to do my du yY to my neighbour.” Kav^aJ l fu gaV i & - him , i'kere and then the a?J hh li|, hraS 11Ag the rascal kad had in

TOLD- OF "OALINO 1 .”

dn fclie kroach “Mrs Partington,” fc much by the coAac’d uni, i W , ord , 3 . as ,3y tlls quaintness Ha er plainness of his remarks. do 8 (-c» if of a well-known. j r ~ uftsr Calmc had been buy,i g , ; y i°r km horses for a while, made upluammd that the hay was worthless A , 13 very poor hay that you’ve Lm . iV I®’ 1 ®’ i k l ° doctor complained. Calino th ® Ilor3es eat ifc > sir .” Baid "No‘matter; it’s bad hay.” ‘Til chanwi'f Saic r P alitlo ’> respectfully, bottpr I.know you. are a, much are,”* °i kay than the horses in.O^ 0 day kell rang, and Oalino came ported Pafclenfc llaS Arrived, sir,” he rot!io^doctor Pal;ieEt 0; ’ an -ei7 one?” asked

i. “New one, of course, sir,’/ replied OaImo. - ihe old ones never come back.” CINDERELLA. UP-TO-DATE. They -had just returned from a wed- • iP S L an( i j 9 two ' s i sters were discussing • biiity 6y ’ - seea witt tkeir usual volu- , alone remained' silent‘Yes said one sister, “we, who have been through a private seminary and a college, have been taught' to- observe and it is natural that, between ns nothing should escape our observation! Is it- not so? Let me ask you, then it you took it ali in?” * ’ “Indeed I did,” replied the other saner. I noticed first the gowns l of every one of the relatives, and by inwardly comparing their styles and inakc I could tell within. £lO of lust how much each relative was worth. Not only this, but their actions towards each other revealed to me but too plainly just what their opinions of each other wore. And them, the bride!” * ■ „cA Yes> tiie kride!” exclaimed the other, felie was dressed——” And in thirty-five minutes by the clock she described what the bride wore “And you,” said the sister, turnffig to GmdereHa, “tell us what you saw.” Gmcierella was silent until 1 she sooke. .7- sav ' r you. saw, and r^lore. ,, shs said. The sisters gazed at her ly. * ‘ I ' “Indeed!” they chorused. “What aid you see that’we didn’t see?” “I noticed-the groom,” said Cinderella.

CONVINCING.

An Englishman who had resided amongst the Boers in South Africa, commenting upon, their ignorance of anything outside their own farms, told how Romo twenty years ago the Boers of the Orange Free State refused to have telegraphic communication established. The chief objector was an - old Boor who, when the others were wavering rallied them "to hia side with the following ingenious argument. Said he—“No doubt the telegraph is a fine tiling, but as to its enabling us to- have news from other countries at all times and seasons, how can this be? , Is there net a time in the year when the waggons have to cease running because of the drought? Surely; then, this telegraph wiil perish for want of water'” This argument was greatly anulauded, ..and the Boers to a, man- voted -agaia3c the innovation.

QUESTION FOR QUESTION.

- During a recent electioneering campaign in an American State, the advocate of a certain candidate, speaking to an assemblage of farmers, made t!v> following appeal to their good sense : ’ v Mends, let us suppose that one of you farmers has a. hired man. You may feel a little doubt _ of him At the outset, hue you give him a fair trial. You like him so well that you vivahim another year. And he serves you in such a way that he secures still 'another re-engagement. Isn’t that a good business principle P” The orator paused and smiled, down at his audience. Before he could resume, the shrill voice of or.e- of the farmers had interrupted, him. “Say,” said, the voice, “how is it -when the hired man gets to thiakiu’ he owns the whole farm?”

JUST MISSED IT.

A New Orleans journalist was dining at a restaurant in 'Marseilles, when lie heard at the next table a. Hungarian relating to some French officers an extraordinary lynching episode that he alleged had occurred at a New. Orleans hotel. The story ran that 0, negro servant spilled a plate of soup over a lady's dress. The guests decided to- lynch the fellow at once, but were persuaded, by. the hotel proprietor to wait until the dinner was over, as he was short of assistants. Subsequently, the culprit was strung up, the lady giving the word. This strange tale was too much for the American, who rose from his seat and, accosting the Hungarian, asked, in what year the incident occurred.. “Just eight months ago,” replied, the story-teller calmly, “while I was in the States.” “I was in New Orleans myself all last year,” responded the journalist. “Perhaps Monsieur witnessed the hanging?” interrupted one of the Frenchmen, “I just missed, it,” said, the journalist. “You see I was busy killing the French chef at the time for putting mustard in the blancmange.”

WEIRDLY FULFILLED.

■ The following remarkable story of the fulfilment of an ancient curse, related in Miss Merrick’s recently published “With a Palette in Eastern P'alaces,” is vouched for by the sister of the survivor of the two men referred to. Not long ago two. adventurous hunters went elephant shooting in Africa-, and on the way up the Nile one bought a mummy and sent it home to his friends in England. They, not liking its company in the house, sent it to a museum, where it was unrolled. _ The two went on with their hunting, and the purchaser of the mummy was trampled to death by a wounded elephant. Thereupon his friend buried him in the sand, protecting the grave by as many heavy stones as he could collect to prevent the desecration of the

body by jackals and other wild creatures. ■ Some weeks later the mother of the dead man wrote asking his friend to bring the body home; but the grave was tound to have been plundered, and. a tew bones lying here and there qbout : the sand tola too plainly- that the mother must be denied the sad satis—taction she wished. When the mummy was unrolled a : tablet was found upon its breast bear- ; .ing in hieroglyphics, the- following inscription : ' . “Cursed be the man. who moves my bones; he shall die young and of a violent death, and his bones shall be scattered broadcast to the four winds. ’ UNDER A NEW NAME. Louis Levy, an American author, tells a story which is amusing to the aiffiitor, but only pathetic to the narrator, eoucerrung a change in his family name. _ ween his grandfather, a Hungarian Jew left Europe, the Hebrews there were so persecuted and so handicapped • in business that- he determined to 'conceal his race beneath a.new name. Landing in New York, the most common name ever the shops in the- streets ho_traversed was that of Levy, and believing that it was similar to that of Smith and Brown, he premotiy adentod it 03 his own. “Ana what was the Jewish name ycur grandfather discarded?” Levy was asked. “Codon,” said Louis with a sigh.