In and About a Newspaper Office. Some Humourous Aspects of Journalism.

New Zealand Mail, 3 December 1896, Page 48

In and About a Newspaper Office. Some Humourous Aspects of Journalism.

orallv in a viio. cramped hand, distinctly siiggi-si ing- Chinese hieroglyphics, in which the said plan is set forth. It i~ his little wav to turn up at tlu- particular hour oi the evening', when the editor is preparing' a weighty effusion, say " I lie Present suite of r 1 ie Hast ern dm- si ion. and. us lie possesses the most elementary ideas a- to the table ot t ime. and insist s upon reading' Ids tetter nt length, and commenting', pa l'e nI I iei ieu 11 v .on each of its real or imaginary points, it is not ditlieuli to understand timr when turd ires (with ; l c< >ve l't threat that it the 1e t I e l did not appear next morning', im will stop his paper), the harrowed feelings ot “the chii-i ’ linds vent in language totally untitled for a Sunday School cla.--. Alas, for the editor (you will please understand Mr. Allan's portrait is purely imaginary). he 1 1 as many t foil ble-. 11 e has writ t en. we may suppose for the .-ake ot example, a stirring' article open some particular phase of a great topic of the day. lb- is reading the proof, will'll hi. there comes a cablegram which tells of some sudden change ot policy, some 11 Ue X pee l< - d deVe 1o p 111 en t . Wll H 11 It! to 1i \ upset s the line of argument he lias taken up. The art idc has to he t orn up and anot her writ re n — a bout 1 1 ie most a u noy ingillin gllla t can happen to a busy mum Tim editor too. luis to tackle and attend to a host ot visitors and correspondents, wlm imagine that the dm v ot a join nabs! is t o valorously espouse i-vi-rv one's particular hobby or quarrel : he Pas to lie careful not to < .ffc nd t Ids or t hat pan ieu la r sect ion of ihe community : lm has 1,, explain away and deb nd the .alleged shortcomings and mistakes of his stall. Add Id these duties that he !.- expieled to be a walking en cyclop: i din "f the 1 <.l it it-al and general history of X. w Z« aland from lM'i up to the present day. that he nmM have ministries, pa] ers and bills nt his hi.cis ends, that lie must he prepared at an hour ur two of notice to write an article on any subject of import a lice, w hid. may crep up in ,he cablegrams which pour in from tlm four (piartei'S of the globe, and t hat linally. when he has done his work lie is always liable to he confronted by a stern foreman printer, the burden of whose cry is. " No room. sir. we're crowding out ads.. I can only give yu half a column." and you easily imagine that, his life is. like t hat of the policeman in the Pirates of Penzance. " not a happy one. Hut the" sub.” as 1 he sub-editor is g-eiier-.,llV culled, falls in for tlm worst troubles. Place tlm most amiably-tempered man in t lie sub-editor's ehai) on a big daily paper, ;in ,l it is ten to one that in six months lm develop,- into very irritable being. 1 lie " sub " lives in a slate of perpei mil warfare. He has to light the reporters, who. having done a good report, are ruthlessly informed , pat it must be cut down ” a process peculiarly repugnant to tlm reportoria 1 mind -- he has to worry out the meaning ot vaguely composed telegrams, to hunt up in gazettes the whereabouts of some (h .cl-forsaken little hole in Ktirope, Asia. Armenia, or Africa, where something of alleged importance has happened; to him falls tlm duty of working up the obituaries of a Luropean statesman, a popular pugilist, an old identity, or some half-forgotten t heat rical celebrity. lie it is who. on a morning paper, has to slave like a nigger i rom eight [in't lm evening' until bur in tlm morning: upon him fa 11.- tlm gruml »i ng and Abuse, if Mr. Smyt he's name is spelt plain Smith : upon him descend, like:, ,-r,.w,t of hungry hawks, the great army ot local hunters ; and with him, from t lie moment Im sits down to his desk TO tlm time be leaves, the demon foreman printer wages incessant warfare as to "bad copy.” ” not enough copy,” "no copy." ‘‘too much copy." and “no room." No wonder that many sub-

Tliore are c<>m|icnsat inns in all occupations, however arduous, and although I lie -work-a-day life of i lie New Zealand journalist includes much hard work and many disagreeables, it has its humorous side, which comes to the scribe wlmhateth not a (]ui]». crank, or quiddity,” as a very pleasant, relict. On the big city papers, tin* editor is generally such an inaccessible potentate, wrapped up in h 1 s t ask olsellill g' evc r v bod v tight in general and local politics, or ot pointing out to such comparative nobodies its the ( zar of Russia. the Sultan, lard Salisbury, and the President oi the 1 nit c d Sta t < s. t h e exa e t course which inch < tight to | ur.-ue. that he secs very much less ot this element of humour than do his stthi >t <btu ll (s. the subedit or and the reporters. On a small count i\ paper, where the editor is :i join iin list icman-of-:ill-vvork. often doing his own leaderwrit inf-, sub-edit tug. reporting. :ind tilling in his spare time, in many cases, in what is grandiloquently called the “Commercial Department.” t lie journalist meets with many a highly comical experience, and. as one who has seen a little of both country and city journalism, and in several ditlerent capacities, I propose to gather tip for the benefit of my readers, a few scattered odds and ends of reminiscences which to me, at least, appear to have a humorous aspect. The editor, “ the chief.” as his subordinates generally call him, falls in for the arduous task of receiving and coping with the great tribe of bores. Io hint tails the lot of listening with patience to the schemes of the would-be reformer, who is perfectly convinced that, he alone has hit upon a plan by which every possible evil shall be abolished, and who comes fortified with a lettet -written on both sides of the paper, and gen-

BY SCRUTATOR. ILLUSTRATED BY MR. STUART ALLAN.

editors are alliieted with short ness ot hair and temper, that limy develop into pessimists, amt. like tlmse whom "the gods love i hey " die y< uiiig. | knew a sub-editor once who. being' mole titan usuallv busy and distracted v\ith the problem of getting lifted) columns of news (all highly important < > i course) into nine columns of space, was waited upon one night bv a gentleman vim "anted his. tlm sub's, opinion ns to the d,-.-i rableness ot getting his .-on u billet ns reporter and making a journalist of him. ” Ho you really lo\e vu ll r sun. a re vm i anxious i o do tlm best you can for him f qimried tlm sub. Id course i ,1,1. of euiirse i nm." replied t he somewhat puzzled visitor. "Then go straight Imiim. Hike tlm lad out into the buck yard and tomahawk him'." growled out the harrassed scribe, without raising' his he,ad I rom u par--1 i, • 11 la rl v i neoi n ) d'el mn si ble ca blegra m. ()h those ea I degra ms. what a source ot worrv t Imv lire at times, and what extraort di na rv and occasional ly very comical bln tide rs ; i pc made in e \ | to u n d i n g them. 't < > i: m 11 s - know that cablegrams arrive in what might be called " skeleton " form, or used to until quire recently, and upon t he " sub lulls tlm task of expanding t hem. Several items were

words wa s "< tbit nary. I)a\'id Henn. a gentleman fornmrlv well known in New Zealand banking' circles. I lie guileless sub expanded tin* item as f, i! 1 i\vs : Heath ot two famous men The deal hs are reported ot Mr. David llean of tlm Lank of . and Lord ( o-orge Sera ] di i no Nunthorpe. it is alums! to .-ay that the readers of t he ca blegra m as it a p] >ea r. -d in tin 1" : 'kei 1 t hrough t heir Iturke or Hebretl in vain tor particulars concerning' the deceased peel'. Another instance which tell under my notice, when 1 was engaged on a eeriain North Island paper, was even more comical. A ca blog-ram arrived one day. "Secret bomb fuel oiw discovered Xeld'ehale! supply bombs 1 ’a ris Pel el-sill I rg'.” \Y I ml her I lie sub had been " <iin t,i see a man about a dog' too ! re(pienllv. or wlmiher his eyesight va- billing 1 don't exactly know, but tlm message as il appeared in his paper read as lollovs : 1 lie Swiss police have made a si a rt 1 i n g'd isro ver v 111 the I I >w 1 1 of Neiil'chat el. sit Hated on t he lake id l he saum name. I hey succeeded in bringing' to light the exist i *m a* ot a sei a i fa,•lory esl a 1.1 ishe, 1 for t Im purpose of siipplving' cheap, i n feri or-m :e Ie I mots lor the Pa ris. and St. Pet erstmrg market s. ( )n ! lm public:)! ion of t Ids ext ra U'dinary piece ot news, t lie sin IT of the rival sheet . whose si lb had correct lv interpreted tlm message til refer to i he discovery of a Nihilistic C.„m factorv si I p| dying' I Im A narehist s at Paris and St. Petersburg, went nearly oil limit heads wit b joyful min h. | i, i his connect ion it is only fair !" say that similar and even worse mistakes are mi record in I he annals of Knglish journalism. | i, ime of M r. .1. M. Harrie's earlier I ks na m cl v. " When a Man's Single." which is understood to be very largely a personal record of t lie a lit lior's journalist ie experiences. I | u * no w |n 'pii la r n o ve I ist t el Is ho w hetinihe character of a junior reporter) was hobnobbing wit h Ids A-*.'* smi t lie fs'/fV Mirror and 1 lie quest ion cropped up of how mm of the si a ff. Tomlinson by na me. had -In be nicknamed " Umbrage." "He was subediting one night." Walsh explained, "during' tlm i ime of an A fricun war. and t lungs were going on so sin Idy t hat he and I’enuy (the foreman printer) were chatting amicably about the advantage ot having' a tew Latin phrases in a leader, such as ,lnlrr jnr rrln rn suds d/m. Well, in ■ lie middle of t he discussion an important war telegram arrived to tlm not mmatiiral disgust of both. As is often the rase. the message was misspelt and barely deeiplmrable. and one part of it puzzled Tomlinson a o-,,0il deal. It read : ‘ Zulus have taken iimbr:ig'<'. Knglish forces had to retreat.' and Tomlinson senrelmd tlmmap in vain for ! 1,,-age. Which the Zulus had " taken. ' and penny, being in a hurry, was sure it was a |- nl ., So t Imv risked it - and next niorning ihe chief line's in , lm Mirror contents bill with : .. , VM -, \i. u s oi 'in i: v, Vi; : - v,-ii m: «i i Mia; \ or: ID ’nil- /• 1 1 ■ 1 ( Icea.-imiallv t Imre desemids upon i he subeditor that terrible bore and nuimime. t lm man wlm wants his " nanm kept mu ot the ~;,pcr." Cell. ■rally ids reipmst im- somethin.- to do With the | il'i 'CI 'Oil i tigs oil the Civil side of the S.M.'s Conn. The argument s set fi ill h in favour ol tlm sepa rat e theories that I he applicant is a muchinjured man. that Im "doesn't owe tlm moimv." ' hut his lawyer has " sold him. i hat his mother, or sisters, would drop dead with woe and shame at tlm disi ■(. ~f their smi mill brother being " brought up." t hat Im will lose his employment. that the wit nesses on the Other side perjured themselves, etc., ell'., ale as lemarkable for t Irnir ingenuity as for t heir varieiv; and occasionally:! sin min ! ly st u pi'l and impudent applicant will, in a covert, shamefaced son of way go so bar as to offer a small bribe. Then, if t he " sub." be large and muscular, he will rise and ineontinensly kick t hat applicant mn of i Im room. A II a 111 11 si n g- ex a m pie oi the cool i til pert inence of some of these gentry who are not anxious for publicity to be given to their appearance in a court, came under my notice :t few years ago. A then well-known Wellington pressman, who has since joined tlm great, majority, was reporting a case in

all "run on "continuously, without puiictuaI i i in. im i lm saum sheet. for instance, take an instance which happened a tew years ago. Tlm Lincolnshire Handicap, a big Knglish race, was run on a certain day. and t Im result ca me t hi'oiigh in tlm usual way. i lm three - jdaced " horses’ names alone being' given I lie " sub" is ex perl ed to ha ve his I! aei ng ( 'ah'iidar bv h i.~ side and to know tlm exact day each event will be i el eg flip lied. I he result cabled in t his ease read as follows : " Vrracii v. I'vrone. Lohstei'. Now a certain subeditor who shall be nameless (tor ho has been ehatfed enough and to spare about il e I read v ) had forgot ten all about t he kincobisin're Handicap being dim that day. and not icing' t hat tlm previous it cm on t Im t.ele-g-ram sheet referred to a speech made by Lord 11 a rt ing't on on tlm Home Hide question ca! m 1 v added the following : " Lord llartington then proceeded to state that Mr. < . Parnell had the rm'mu/p gt u li/r<mr lnh.'lrr. ’ and in t hat extraordinary form tlm cablegram act na 1 ly appeared in print. And note how curiously mistakes repeat themselves. It is actually a fact that the verv next year an almost equally humourous blunder was made over the result <>t tlm same race. In this second instance the names of the three " placed horses were Lord (ieorg'o, Seraphim*. Xunt Imrpe, (there is no punctuation in skeleton cables), and tin* item immediately preceding the above

tin- I »it •: 1 1 llankniptcy ('min. 1 lie .ludye 1 1; i < I v. • 11 tlir 1 1:111 k l • 11 j«t " beans had must srvrndv oiiiurn'in fil n j >' >i i liis carelessness :1111 1 1 1 islll itll ill l':i 1 ili' i • 11 1 11 111 1 • t . I hi’ fepnfter was luisv wcitiny 11 ] > liis l mtcs ut I lie ense wlicii ;m iisliri' eaiue ;niil informed liimilii.t lie was wanted ill I lie lobby. * * 1 1. 1 111 |m 1 ) 11 s \" itm I emiie. siiiil the rejml'liT. " 1»111 \ nil 111 list . ■'-if : I lie well I leliin II St I VS lie wants in see \ 11 u mi a mallei' nf Ll'feal i 111 ] mf I a 11 ee. ()lli inin llie lullin' Weill the sefilie. n'fuwliny | he while al lieiny 1 1 i si 11 f I lei i ill his wnfk. ami t n 11111 1 nwaitiny him the individual in \\ 1 1nm I he .ImlTe had jus! mill l i 11 is! ei'ei 1 siieli a " wiyyiny. " Well, wli.'il is ii : said I he | ifessnia n. “ * Mi. look civ. Mr. ." said I he 1 >a n k f u ] H . in a eontii ie l l l ia I 1111 def 11 uie : " \ nll see. i I s l h is way : I 111- . I 1111 Ll'e was vefv hi I nil me. and ii it yets into the ] >a | let's il 11 < In me a lot i 'I a fin. Nnw, 1 want Vi .11 In nl; 1 i dye me jllsl keen his femafks nllt ni V 111 If fejinfl. "(>h. i! Il s'niif i I ii 1111 ii i ■ 111' e. said I he Jil'essin;in. " is i hai all you have ealleil me mu l‘i,f. ! shall <li> iilll hiiiy nI" 1 1 11■ kind." ”<>!,. 1,111 Innk y ( 'll li'e. |.fneeeded the 1 ia 11 k f II ] i! in w hai. nn i Ii iii I ii. lie fm i d ly imayined m 111- a. ] lefs lia si V(' tune ” lnnk I'fe. (In jllsl oblidye me: I'm nut an uiifeasniialiie man. I'll make ii riylit with yef. "See ere nnw, if \ nii'll kim■ 1 1 i hem ia' c femafks mu. I ilmi't in i n' I s/ 11 n 1 1 i ii <! [i"" ii in nl nj hri’i'. 1 he pfessmaii was a biy. burly man, and tin- liankfii]ii a miscfalile fat nt a cfcal life: and when I tell vi iii that that fat was cauylit hv I lie scruff nf I he neck, euffied alony the I I il 1 1 , v, and shot out into the stive!, as it e\|,idled I'foiii a hiindfed-i on yam. I yive vmi some taint idea id t he scfihe s indiynaI inn and it s | U'aci ica 1 mil come. The i heat final auvni is a familial 1 fiyitiv amnnysi the "sulks” visitnfs. When in luck, aciinyas nninl rmirii'i • tofu yood subst ant ia! ennmanv. la- is ofn'ii much bejewelled and ceS| ilendeiit. yetiefa 1 ly a 11 ifia 1 in yorycoiis raillll'llt wil li l he shiniest of belli uppers, t lw nat - t iest of pat i 'in -lea! her boot s. smokiny a choice II a va iii i a. a ml t w i f I i n y a si I vi t- mi m n t < *d ciini'. At such times lie fepfesent s a " show with

“good people” in it. ;i " show ” where t lie ghost walks with agreeable regularity on 1 rcasury davs,’’ a " show " that can afford good In'e- “ads.,” "ads.’' wliicli please the heart ot the ‘'commercial department.'' and hie posters. the orders tor which cast a lay ray of joy over the "" jobbing department. Rat at other times. 1 have seen the sell-same gentleman come round, .after an interval oi two or three vears. as agent for some small varietv company, with nothing big about it except its name. A\ hat :i change is now perceptible in my old friend. Mr. Montmorency Jones. No diamonds now. no hm watch-charm, the belltopper is replaced by a greasy " crushed ” hat. boots down at Inads. a sixpennv " cherrv instead ot the choice Ilavanna, a small "ad.. and an anxious regard to placate the "commercial depnrtineitt. with talk of " the big business we re bound to do, instead of the more satisfactory cheque here is a very different man a different state of allairs indeed. I here is no business that has more tips and downs

than the theatrical business, and the lot of the agent's seems to be the most risky and doubtful of till. However, for the sake of old times, ami to help on poor -lones. who has had a "bit of bad luck on the other side. " our friend, the "sub. floes the best he can for the "show." and if he cannot honest ly describe it as being like liarnum's. "the greatest show on earth, treats it and its "business" with a leniency in the way ot criticism, and a generosity in the way ot puff prel i mi tut rv. which does credit to his gf hhl na t it ft >. Roth reporters and "sub have regularly to battle with the people who hunger after cheap " ,ds..“ or who bring in an inch advertisement. and want some ten inches to halt a column in the way of comment. When I was emploved on a certain country paper in I ’a t a gen in I land better say. for it would not do to be more explicit I had the job about twice a year, ol lighting the Ltreat battle of "so much local, so much advertisement." with a very .amusing old gentleman who was prominently connected with the local Caledonian Society. The ingenttitv of that man. the persistency of him. t lie ” bat t ling " he did in his efforts to mu cheap advert isements for t he Society's sports or annual concert, were most entertaining. He would drop in to the olliee with a t w clinch advert isemetit (containing matter enough for half-a-dozen inches, if properly " displaced " ). and he would bring' along with him some lift ecu to twenty close Ivwrilteti foolscap sheets. the contents ol which, so lie would stoutly contend, were of I he highest importance to the renders of my pa pel', as I law certainly were a most excellent ad vert isemetit for his Society. In answer to my expostulation' as to the abnormal 1 1 ■ ngt h of t he " h H-a l" a s com pa red w i t h the attenuated character ot the "ad.. he would regulnrlv inform nm with the most doleful coll n t emi lice 1 hat " t lie y e;i r had been a pairfecilv aw i n', almost deesast rolls one for the So-eiet v and that "the ( ’oil l 111 - i t I ee had given him the sireeetest instructions to keep down the expanses ! lie would seat liimself on the only available chair, and dwell Upon that plethoric subject of the "expanses" for a Inilf-hotir at a time. There was "the band to reck'on wi' ", a band whose local patriotism was discreetly governed by a't ern consider:! t ion R >r t heir " w 1 nick < > I the pi'dlits : t here Were the poles and the hurdles, and the prize money " llecli, nnm. it s a I errible oot lay it is. 1 hat we law wi' I he prize in 11 n' • v ; a 11 t 1 1 is w i t h i >cca s ii >ti a I i ll l l ■ rva Is of more tlirect argument in favour of his much-cherished " local." t lie end. being, as a fn I e. that a compromise was effected, much more lav -able to the Sb-ciet y. than in keeping wit It the SI rial I'll I eS of >/ 11 "I /'/'O'/"". which ought to govern the manager of a strugg'ling' newspaper with his weekly wages sheet ever I 0011 l i II g o til i 1 Id II si V belofe his eyes. II ursrv men t oo give us scribes a lot ol t roti ble. Thov are so entirely, so absolutely possessed of the idea that t here is but one imp' >rt ant subject on earth, and that the t lift, that outside this their conversation is but limited. Rut their own pel subject they rarely leave, and unless they are promptly handed over to the gentleman whose special department in sporting'.’’ t.liev are the worst ol all bores. Imagine this sort of thing, for instance, when vou re busv correct ing t he prool < > 1 an

important article, or wrestling with the intricacies of a peculiarly tough cablegram. " I'm sure I don't want to t rouble you. but vou might just six' it the result ot the Mttdville Handicap has been sent through yet." The scribe good-nat urc< Ily leaves his work and hunts for the desired telegram, and meanwhile the sporting ' gent continue.'. Y< )U see I've got a quid mi Tit Hit. you know him. lies out ot < >ld boots by the Pieman, rn 11 second last year in the fixing :11 .lonesville \\ lute ble beat him. old Stiffem's mare, out <>f Prevarication by Annual's, a real daisy she is too. .'tin t her equal on the Coast, wonder wha t old Stinein s done wit h her anyhow /w s m>t much good . I knowed him when he was running t he canary canl pickin' business down in the South, (b.t a bit of st ItIV and starred in rhe bacc'nist

line and took to ownin' "orses. It s is brot her Toni as rides for that swell Orkes Rav bloke, what's is name. Oh you ve got ihr wi:e well what! l it Ril done til t he sheds, never in it ’. Well blime me. that s fair crooil. (Inod night, yer won't come out an' live a taste well please you rsel f." Ac.. Ac. Then there is the irascible man who desires vou t o w fit e a I la m ing and absolutely libellous art icle on a neighbour wit h whom he has had a squabble over some fowls, or a cow . or some sheep, ora fence, or some! hing. and the local poet who is disgusted if you don't immediately read and print his epic in li 11 v ca 111 os on the local breakw.'ltrr. of I hr local bridge, or t he town pit m p. on a ny t h i n g' voti like in fact : and the membi'i' (>l I lie town council who wasn't reported at sitflicient length, or was reported at too great a lengt h. or not report oil a t all. A 11 t 1 1< -se a re verv amusing in their way no doubt, but their visits sadly interfere with one's work. There are some queer cards amongst the travelling - medical quacks. I here are not so many ol these gentry about no wad a vs us there used In be. but still t here are quite enough. Their ignorance and

one of these fellows coming into my otlice and offering to pull out as many teeth as 1 wanted out. all for nothing save an advertisement. the scale price of which was about eighteen shilling's. As a matter of fact 1 was suffering from neuralgia at the time and felt disposed to have a dozen out. which would have been fair value for ! Ss. but t here was too d i't i net an odour of bad w h iskey accotii pa nvill g' the dental expert and too much of a potato patch under each of his linger nails ro induce me to desert the local and qualified practitioners. This particular quark. 1 remember very well, used to pose as a great classical scholar and on the particular occa si on he visited my sanctum he noticed a tiller and a glass standing in a corner. It was a hot summer's day. and he looked thirsty I should imagine his t<. ha ve boon acl iron ic t hirt st but judge of my a m use men t when. taking' up the glass and cent cm plat ing it in a meditative sort of way. he broke out. " Ah. my dear sir. I'm glad to see you appreciate the virtues of water. Water, water, water, neautiful clear, fresh water, nothing more beautiful, in the abstract, my dear sir. than Nature’s own beverage. I’orhnps you've Hot studied the different kinds of water. Now. there's icon/ p///'(///. that's pure water: and i/.p/cy /ain i ; //. that's fountain water: and u./iiin/ scm'ii ,7, t hat's soda water. l’ersona Ily. I prefer the icon.'// sdn;/, with just a dash of vet another kind of water namelv. /con;// "■/> /Wo///. or whiskey water. A j udicioiis combination of //•///./.',' ,/'/i o-7,'it // alld ■'•;'/.//; s. is, I assure yon. a drink for the gods." and lie hospitably invited me to his hotel to sample the particular kind of " Nature's own beverage" that he affected. Rut he had had rather ton much mp/;// ;/•/. u already, and as for me. it was too hot ami too early to be t rill pt ed. Rut the look of disgust with which he put back that glass by the filter was a perfect picture. I wish IMi i I May could have met him. The st raved reveller who visit' the newspaper olliee in the small hours is getierallv harmless enough. As a rule, he enters the otlice with the amiable delusion that it is his hotel, and although some times he persist.' in arguing the point, lie is getierallv easily got rid of am! goes awav qtiietlv leaving a mellow fragrance of beer rising above the on li tut rv olliee od oi i rs of in k-pa st e and paper. Sometimes he i.' distinetlv a m using'. It is not so mnnv months ago, for instance, when one night a gentleman who hm! been "celebrating a birthday ' lurched up the stairs into the composing room of a newspaper otlice till \\ el I i ngt on i: ins know. and taking' up two stray "exchange" pa pers. ca Im ly wrapped them round him. and laid himself peacefully down before the fire, under the i m pression. no doit bt . that he hud on v< doped himself in the most spotless sheets and snuggest of blankets. In this cine t lie foreman. being' a diplomatist, got rid of the inebriated one by pointing' out that he (the reveller) hud not "put his boots out to be cleaned. ' and si > got him to the door and outside before the intruder had quite realised what had been done. .Most of these tipplers express a great anxiety to know "wash the linos ? Mr. Allan has given us a good sample of the class.

"A Totitrh I>ii of Copy" is one of Mr. Allan's host ski'irhrs. and with my eommoiiis upon it these somewhat ramblintf iviitintsciMice‘S must close. “Copy is tlio icchnical name in a printi'iitf otlicc for the written matter sent in by editor, sub., or reporters, to be "set up" in type by the compositors. In a printer's eye " copy ’• e;ui be " Lfood. lair. bail. :tnd d d bad.'’ 1 have rarely heard a printer class any " rnpv " even were it almost copperplate as " verv treed." The tisind designation of "Scrutator's" "copy is. 1 tear, “bad.' sometimes with a strotttfor adjective before it. In A Touch !>it of Copy,’ Mr. Allan depicts a common enoutfit scene in ;t print inir etliee. A compositor has boon "stuck-up" b\' seine word or letters which he finds undeeiplierttble. and calls his comrades and. perhaps, the foreman to his assistance. Let us hope the diflieulty was soon surmounted.