PATCHWORK.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1266, 4 June 1896, Page 16

PATCHWORK.

Tho following amusing instance of presence of mind is given by an English paper: — Bachelor : Yes, that kitchen-maid was a remarkably pretty girl. Penheckcr: Well, I must say I prefer the parlour-maid to the kitchen-maid. Mrs Penhecker : (appearing suddenly in the doorway). What's that you said. P.? Penhecker: We were speaking about toast my dear, and I vvai saying iliai 1 prefer that which is parlour made to that which is manufactured in the kitchen.

" Was her marriage a failure ?" " Directly the opposite. Her application for a divorce was refused, and she is stiil married."

Much wed : "In the matter of sleep children are the most iiritating creatures in the world." Bachelor: ''How is that?" "When they are too young to be of any use they never sleep ; and when I hey are old enough to work, it is almo.it impossible to keep them awake."

Edith; "May's husband is positively mean." Nellie; "How's is that?" "Why, he wants her to use her last year's wheel, while everybody has the new Spring styles."

Miss Dashleigh (to her fiance) : " You old darling. You just do appreciate a kiss more than anybody 1 know." Jack (suspiciously) ; "Now, how did you find that out," I wonder?"

It is a contrast too intense To strike his intellect, as funny ; At first he paid her compliments, And now he pays her alimony.

" She is the most original woman I ever knew." "How is that?" "When she husn't anything to say hlic doesn't talk."

Mamma : " Now, child, what are going to give up for Lent?" Little Girl; "I'm

! going to give up potatoes 'cos I hate 'em ! so."

I Mrs 15. :" Do you kuow, dear, I think we j pay altogether too much for our church pew, : considering where it is ?'' Mr B : "Is that |so .' Where is it.'"

Two or three of the Tompkins youths had bxm married recently, and the approaching wedding of another brother was being discussed at the dinner-table of the eldest. The seven-year old daughter listened to the discussion for awhile, and then observer! : "Well, that will be another Toirpkins family started.'

" I'll kiss you for my sister's sake." " Pray don't forgot yourself," she said He straightway took her at her word, And kissed her for himself instead.