MEN AND WOMEN, AND MATTERS ALL AROUND.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1264, 21 May 1896, Page 31

MEN AND WOMEN, AND MATTERS ALL AROUND.

Horrors, what have I done ! Here is my latest plague .

Tu yu edito Fatee Contribtee, S’lobbie Stout ho belly good mann ho makee much nicee place fo China manns in Colac Bussh, Soutland. Many much China manns liveo m Colac Bush, many much nicee white womans—many too much boys and gals—he makee much nicee Joss Hons, nicee medsens manns hous, many much nicee tings. S’lobbie Stout gitee all one China inann’s votes den bo Plemia, and many much mo China manns cum heah. Ah-wy-Sin. I am, however, pleased to see that Sir Robert has at last got a “party,” for I possess too much fraternal sympathy to wish any man to bo alone. It may bo only a party of one as yet, but that is better than nono, and it may grow when those “ nice, peacoful, industrious, sober ’ Chinamen swarm into the Colony. But I cannot bear the strain of this thought, and must retire for a few hours.

The tug-of-war between Mayor I* ishor and Sir Robert Stout over the District Railways Act may, I suppose, bo called tlio Knight-Mayor of passing politics.

The adipose tote gambler of Willis street was, a reliable correspondent assures me, in Court at Napier some time ago. The Judge was not altogether satisfied as to the standing in the community, and inquired “ What is your business ?”

“I am a shearer,” replied Adiposo Tissue. “No doubt,” commented the Judgo, “and I am convinced that all the ‘lambs’ aro shorn in the district you came from.”

There is one thing the new woman has to know without dolay ; that is to learn to get off and on a tram-car in motion. She will not bo masculinised until she does. I saw a young woman try this yesterday, and while the performance was quite picturesque to tho onlookers, it was not pleasant to tho young lady herself.

The condition of tho sowers and gutters all over tho city aro bad. Wo do not seem to have a proper idea of what they are for. As an illustration, lot mo say that around the Government Building, when men are putting fresh gravel on tho walks, they rako the largo stones into tho gutters, filling them up, so that when rain falls the water overflows tho walks. One gutter around this, “ tho largest wooden building in tho world,” has not boon cleaned out in two years. Ob ! won t the City Council do something? Won’t it wake up once in a generation ?

There is a bad look out for tho Conservative and National Ass. orators. I am most reliably assured that these men havo to pay advertising rates to get their speeches printed in their own party papers. This is journalism, certainly, up-to-date, and statesmen at a discount.

Yes, wo suflor hero for our sins, however it may bo in the other world ; and I fear my sins have found mo out. You know the Chinese have beon compared to rats, in so much as where ono goes tho rest swarm aftor. Well, that Chinaman is again after mo, and the J ronchman with tho “jim jams,” who believed his skin exuded scores of monkeys with which he played, was in a state of profound repose comparod with how { feel witli hordes of Chinese clouding my horizon, and comin<v onward —onward—upon mo. I will gratify him this time as a bribe il only he will call off the Stout rats and give me peace

Tu yu Fatteo lidito, — Plomia Soddums plenti too niutcli likeo wito wukkin maims and womanna—heo no likoo China manna, plenti mutch wukkeo hoah. Heo go all one countoo China manna, China manna flute shopps—den go tel lito Wy fo lie no sai u Onlee two China manna, onleo two flute shopps, no moa. S’lobbie Stout heo sai all wey “ onleo two ones China manna inn Colac I3ussh denn plonti mutch lull soflli. S’lobbio Stout belly nicco mann—bimo buy ho go all ono up tu China manna up stares. Au-wy-Sin.

A correspondent asks mo if I over heard of a German Commission, sitting on the oyster, who reported that the succulent bivalve possessed certain qualities that produced insanity in the consumer. There is scarcely anything wo might not expect a committee of German scientists to do. But I tool suro they have never dared go so far as to condemn the oyster.

On the contrary, it is at least a superstition, if not a fact, that oysters drive away melancholy, aid digestion and stimulate tho intellect, and therefore aro apecifics for insanity. Dr Lenac considered raw oysters tho most nourishing food m existence. Dr Pasquier advocated then extensive uso in asylums for dipsomaniacs suffering from impaired digestion, debility and low°spirits. If out on a “ toot " Into at night, and appotito is squeamish in tho morning, take a dozen raw oysters. I hey will cool, heal and fix you up. But perhaps I should not tell you this, as you may go and try it.

I may, however, add that the strength of wounded persons weakened by loss of blood may be kept up by eating oysters, which increase tho blood without producing fovor. Whon tho nervous organs are affected the oysters possess a most

vivifying influence. But perhaps the best thing I can do is to tell what the eminent French surgeon, Dr Leroy, used to say. It was his habit to eat two dozen oysters before breakfast and, pointing to their shells, would say : “ Behold the fountain of my youthful strength.” The oyster is not at all cultivated or used in Now Zealand as it ought to be.

And now comes a Parsec man of science who declares tho “ X rays ” to bo a manifestation of what for thousands of years has beer known to Oriental investigators as astral light or tiro seventh dimension of matter. In the meantime Mr Edison is perfecting a portable apparatus for tho application of “ X rays ” to surgical and medical purposes.

And, by tho way, you have no doubt noticed how hundreds of laboratories and photographic studios wore ready to take up Professor Koutgeu’s discovery and go on with it as soon as tho bare fact was made known. This fact is in itself as remarkable as tho discovery, and shows what an amount of what may be callod co-operative thinking there is going on in tho world.

It is porhaps tho most signal illustration wo have yet had of tho groat advantage of popular education. At the close of the eighteenth century, when principles which are now having extraordinary results were first clearly defined, the number of investigators was limited to a few very learned men, most of whom devoted tlieii entire lives to study. As a result, progress in the practical application of scientific principles was slovr.

But now tho general diffusion of education and the all-pervading influence of the press make it possible for a multitude of minds to bo focussed simultaneously on the same problem.

Another thing this remarkable discovery shows is that it is a mistake to suppose that great learning is required for useful work in experimental science. Tho essentials of success aro rather ability to grasp a few simple principles, and with this tho rarer ability to experiment with them continuously without being discouraged by failure to roach immediate results. And whon discovered how simple they look!

Tho principle of tho steam engine remained known and unapplied for over two thousand years. This was because of tho exclusiveness of science. But now, when thousands of peoplo with good ordinary intellects can experiment or make suggestions, wo do in ton years what it took ten centuries to do in oarlior ages. Truly, wo live in a wonderful age. Lot tho great stream of popular education flow grandly on.

Sarah Grand has said a very pertinent tiling regarding tho now dress for women. She asks : “ Why is not tho costume of the ballet girl as severely handled as is tho rational costume of the woman who rides a bicycle ? lam afraid many people do not mind their being unsexed, but object to their boing improved.”

Tho author of tho “ Heavenly Twins ” goes on to say that tho French women consider it best taste to bo suitably attired for what you are doing. This is plain common-sense. And if a woman on a bicycle is more comfortably and appropriately dressed in bloomer dross, why should she net wear them ?

Those who have tried it say it takes 10 years off a woman’s ago to wear rational dress. There is nothing to catch the wind or impede progress, and tho difference it makes in tho ease and pleasure of riding is vory great. I have only one thing to add, which is, that it is just as necessary for tho now woman to bo very careful about her appearance as it lias been for the old in all those years since the days of the fig loaf.

Utility and beauty should bo combined as far as possible, but when either lias to give way it must Uo utility, for beauty must bo preserved at all hazards. It is tho only thing on earth that makes life worth living.

There is a matter to which I think attention should bo given by mo, as it comes within my special field of endeavour to make people better, life purer, and this world fairer. This is the temptation which is placed boforo boys in tho matter of sidling them bicycles and other things on the instalment plan.

A ease came up in our Criminal Court on Saturday wherein two boys were charged with stealing a considerable sum of money from the safe in a solicitor’s oiiico, where one of the boys was employed. One of tho boys was in the receipt of a weekly wage of 7s (id, and on this trifling income bo indulged in a bicycle, binding himself to pay es per week. This was two-thirds of his wages, and left him only half a crown to got along on for tho week and provide tho necessaries.

Of course the boy could not do it and remain honest. Now character as well as muscle is callow in youth—very soft and pliant; and it is only a very exceptional boy who could stand the strain of temptation such as itself to him.

And the more ho had paid, the stronger would bo the temptation not to allow tho payments to miss, as that would sacrifice all. In all such casos, of boys obtaining goods on instalment payments, I am very strongly of tho opinion that merchants should, before selling such goods, ascertain whether or not the boys had a fair prospect of carrying their contracts through without running risks.

It is not fair to tho boys, nor is it fair to

the community to do a business that must manufacture young criminals. I do not wish to bo harsh in this matter, but I do most earnestly urge business people to accept my suggestion iu a proper spirit, and act upon it.

Could anything be more humanising than listening to 40 or 50 little girls, with their fresh, soft, sweet, sympathetic voices, singing a pretty, simple air P The other afternoon I listened to Mother Maria Borgia’s little girls in tho St. Joseph’s Orphanage, and do you know it dissipated and utterly drove away all tho savagery that a hard, mean, treacherous and lying world had engendered in my heart for a month previous. I feel I never owed anything so much as I do something to the St. Joseph’s Orphanage bazaar when it comes off in a couple of months.

“Truth Will Out” furnishes me with tho history of one of the individuals who turn our streets into bedlam by their spouting and shouting. It is a rich and rare history, from boing captured by a young baboon in Africa to adventures of a red hot character later on. I shall put it aside for possible future use. Strange how all t lie people I have struck up against have histories of a peculiar kind.

According to a correspondent Sir Robert Chinese Stout is soon to havo another title. Here is what my correspondent says : “ I am informed on good authority that the Chinese throughout the Colony are making representations to the Emperor of China, through Li Hung Chang, to have Sir Robert decorated with tho Order of tho Peacock’s Feather, in gratitude for his many services to the Chinamen of this Colony. This shows that they aro not ungrateful. Although tho outcome of all this may bo tho introduction of a Bill for the abolition of the Chinese poll tax, tho Order of tho Peacock’s Feather along witli the K.C.M.G. badge will look well.”

Of course, I do not vouch for tho above. It may bo only ono of tho rumours that get around at campaign times. If, howover, the Chinese Emperor is going to bestow tho Peacock’s Feather on Sir Robert, His Celestial High Mightiness might as well give tho Yellow Jacket also. But, thou, Sir Robert is bound to fret jacketed anyhow—when ho runs again for M JI.R.

Tin: Fat Contiuhutob