WHY GIRLS DO NOT SNORE.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1263, 14 May 1896, Page 12

WHY GIRLS DO NOT SNORE.

Theories almost without number have been invented to explain why young ladies do not snore. Darwin thinks that no one snores unless he sleeps lying on his personal back, and that inasmuch as girls always sleep coiled up after the custom of cats, they could not snore oven if they were willing to descend to such a depth of baseness.

This explanation is perfectly worthless. Mr Darwin's assertion as to the position in which girls sleep is a mere assumption. Ho has no evidenco to support this assumption, and in the nature of things it is impossible that he should have any, and he ought to be ashamed of himself. Ruskiu pretends that the proximate cause of snoring is a relaxation of the muscles of the face. " The tightness with which the female back hair is twisted prior to sleeping " —remarks this bold but too speculative thinker—"prevents tho relaxation of tho muscles of tho scalp and face, and hence renders snoring impracticable. This is a beautiful provision of Nature, and shows us that the back hair is not merely an ornament, but like every other work of Nature, serves a high and holy purpose." To say that girls do not snore because their back hair is tightly twisted is to ignore the fact that the back hair is always detached, and hung on the back of a chair whenever its o,vner prepares for sleep. How then can it exercise any possible influence upon Biioring ? Like Darwin, Mr Ruskin is a very able man so long as heconlincs himself to still art, but when he undertakes to discuss girls, he falls into abysses of error, Apparently, he is perfectly unaware that back hair is detachable.

While learned men havo thus vainly soughtto find why girls donotsnoro, itdoes not seem to have occurred to them

that, perhaps girls do snore after all. On what is tho universal belief that Huoiing is exclusively a masculine vice based? Obviously upon purely gi.lish ted imony. Kvuiy girl claims that she doei not « oro. It is pi,only her iriii rent !'i m-ike this claim, and she well knows i ha! no one cm produci evidence to contradict her. The truth is, this fancied Uvdorn of tho fair sex from the loathsome and unpard na'o'e practice of sinning has no substanli ;1 founds.:i in, and ,i recent even' h,-3 conclusively sh'-wn that g'll.i loih can and do.-in re The world in-<y, n>ii.,q.", be sh>w to hditvu :-(> uiiwi.lc- me an ar.sei lion, but there is at least > ne young man, late of Plymouth, who knew, In ins sorrowthat, ir. is t' no.

Th in imhipp} young man Has engaged to one of the fairest d-mgln. is of l\ymouth, and was intrusted by her p minis with the precious privilege of conveying her to London, where die iut-nded to via:, her f-, li-P.; lid! ,:•■<;, ll. n J.,!,..-

ion, with slightly reddidi hair, olid a droop in her left eyelid. It was the glad summer time, and thoy thought fli'y would like Lo go by one of the steamers running between the two places.

Tho firs!;, part of the journey was delightful. The young man felt that he could travel on that boat for eighteen months without even once wishing to land. Evening, however, arrived, and i - ■• '-i. -i. i).. i a

low tone, and with a slight blush, remarked that pJio must "retire." Accordingly he bale her good-night and departed, after which she went to bed and drew her midnight curtains round her. An hour later the young man, who also had a berth near by, was appalled to find that some one was snoring with tremendous violence. He cured li tie for Irs own ears, hut he was indignant that the slumber of his beloved should be disturbed by this rude and wicked snerer. He soon found that Ids indignation was shared by nearly all the other passengers. They found it impossible to sleep, and they language in which they expressed their views was forcible and sometimes extremely ingenious. The young man was unwilling to content himself with mere words, and resolving ( that tho object of his affection should know that he was watching over her slumbers, announced in a loud tone that he would wake the snorer up withoutdelay. Accordingly, heapproached the berth where the wretch was lying, drew aside the curtain, and, without trying in the | dim light to perceive the snorer's features, j shook him violently by tho shoulder, and in a loud voice told him he ought.to be ashamed of himself.

Tho miscreant made a sleepy and inarticulate reply, but ceased to snore, and the young man, feeling that he had accomplished a great work, sought his own berth and composed himself to sleep. The calm was deceptive. In a few minutes the snoring recommenced louder than ever. Soon a general call was made by the passengers upon tha young man who had already shown his desire to protect them. They begged him to get up and kill the wretch, to throw a bucket of wator over him, or, at least, to drag him out on the floor. Believing that his beloved was

awake and waiting for his response, he sprang up determined to earn her gratitude and tho admiration of tho passengers. With great boldness he caught hold of the Miorer's arms and abruptly dragged the guilty person out of the berth. This time tho snorer was thoroughly awakened. Over a scene so terrible and heartrending let us draw a veil. It is sufficient to say that the most interesting maniac now in a certain lunatic asylum is a young man who constantly repeats : "She snored ! Great Scott, she snorod ! " weeping meanwhile large and bitter tears.