THE BYSTANDER.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1260, 23 April 1896, Page 11

THE BYSTANDER.

‘ When found make a note of.” —Cart. Cuttle

The selection of Mr Candy, Q.C., as the Unionist candidate for SouthA arnpton reminds one of an Candidate’s incident which occurred at a [smart meeting he was addressing retort, some years ago in the Midlands. He had been on his feet about half an hour, when a mau in the audience bawled out, “ Let's have less sugar, Candy, and more fact?” “ And,” replied the irrepressible Candy, “ let’s have less sauce, goose, and more cense ! ’ J hat man inter rupted no more for the rest of the evening.

The Mikado is the religious head of the Japanese as well as their ruler. THE His place is hereditary, and it MIKADO has been filled by members of OP his family for more than 2500 JAPAN, years. His i“ incomparal ly the most ancient lineage known. The Mikado is the 122nd of the line. The founder of it, whose hope of posterity in his wildest dreams could not have equalled the result, was contemporary with Nebuchadnezzar, fiGO li E. Of the seven great religions enumerated by Max Mtiller as possessing Lillies, the Mikado’s family is older than five.

The late Colonel Fred Burnaby had a prodigious appetite. When at BURNABY’S a private tutor’s in Wales he APPETITE, went on a walking tour, and turned in for a midday meal at a midday meal at a village inn. On inquiring what he could have for lunch, the landlord announced a roast goose, hot, and ready to serve, and an apple tart. Burnaby was informed that 2s (id was the price for the repast. Having demolished the goose and tart, leaving only a few bones and an inch of crust to tell their talc, he proffered the 2s (id. The landlord wofully accepted the coin, and, with a sardonic grin, ejaculated: “ Next time you are down this way, give ray friend Jones at the Bed Lion a call. I will give you os tid if you will serve him the same way !’’

One of the clever people has been at pains to invent a variety of proBICYCLK verbs for the benefit of bicyclepkoverbs, riders. Here are a few of them :

Stolen bikes run fast. Well tyred—least tired. A stone goes before a fall. A ring in lime saves crime. Too many bicycles spoil a walk. Spare the pump and spoil the tyre. It is no use sighing over spilt cycles. Where there’s a way there’s a wheel. A novice and her hike are soon parted One man can set, a beginner on a bicycle, but ten can’t keep him there. There belongs to the German Emperor the pleasing halrt of annexing the any witticisms or smart saykaiser’s ings that may be made in his “ original ” presence by those around him. jokes. ft, is said that a certain German oflicer acquired the name of “ Purveyor of jokes to His Majesty.” This fact reached the Imperial cars, and William ft. promptly snubbed the jester back to obscurity. About a year later the Emperor and the oHicer chanced to meet, and the Kaiser with much affability said: "Well, K ——, 1 am ready to swallow more of your good things.” " Your Majesty is to be congratulated upon jour digestion,” said tlm ironical K , “since you never bring any of them up again.” lv is now on furlough.

A singular loiter has been received by the Guardians of the Fulham IN Workhouse, from a penniless search but aspiring bachelor named of A W. J. Chantler, who at present wife. resides at Lord Rowton’s model lodging-house at Vatixhall. It reads “ Gentlemen, —1 take the liberty ot writing to you, but the fact is, I am trying to emigrate to the Chilly Island, where a good opening is offered for one willing to work, but you must be married. Have you in charge any woman 20 to 35 years, or widow, who would marry me and go out there? Small family not objected to, Have good reference ; willing and strong, and thoroughly understand fanning. The passage is free, Liverpool. 1 have no money now ; been out of work these three months, since coining away from the country. Should like to call, if you have anyone that would likely suit me. 1 am 35 years of age, single, educated, and of a good family of farmers in the country. An early answer will oblige, as everything has to be done within three weeks or a month. I remain yours respectfully, W. J. Chantler. A Gruesome story of suicide comes from Scotland. At Bothesay a pier a constable, named Andrew determined Clark, has committed suicide SUICIDE, in the most determined manner by drowning himself in the harbour. lie had handcuffed both hands tightly together, and added weight by a water plug key. A previous attempt on the same day had been prevented by a boatman, who found Clark wearing handcuffs near the water, and took him home. Some years ago (says The Morning) a distinguished American Bishop THE of the Protestant Episcopal bishop's Church was one of a house SLEEVES, party that also included a couple of young girls. It was when “bishop sleeves,” especially for their white gowns, were much worn by women ; though, unlike the big arm covering of the present, they were uustilloncd and unlined. It was consequently next to impossible to wear a pair of such sleeves more than once. The young girls of the house-party, however, appeared day aftor clay in the same I thin white frocks, their big sleeves always I fresh and uucrumpled. The Bishop observed 1 this for some time in silence, but at last he J

said, “ Well, it’s a perfect wonder to me hnw you young women can keep your sleeves so fresh as you do. I think of it every time I look at you, for they're almost exactly like those I wear in the pulpit, and yet mine are all wilted after the first wearing.” “Of course, they are,” cried the girls. “ The only way to do is to keep pressing them out all the time,” and they showed (he Bishop the small Ibt-iron, by aid of which and an accompanying spirit lamp they pressed out their fragile sleeves regularly once a day in the seclusion of their own apartments. Jim Bishop professed to be greatly interested, and praised their ingenuity. And after the house-party had broken up Use gills purchased a little flat-iron and lamp jest like their own, and sent it to the distinguished Bishop.

In Berlin a Cingalese is baffling all investigations of physicians, Science A Siftings tells us, by the irnpencTHICK- Lability of his skin. The skinned bronzed Easterner, a Hercules man. in shapei claims to have found an elixir which will render the human skin impervious to any metal point or sharpened edge of a knife or dagger, and calls himself the “ Man with the Iron Skin.” It is true that it has been impossible to even scratch his skin with sharply pointed nails, or with fine ground knives and daggers.

The life of the largest python at the Zoo has been prolonged by a knowledge A of snake-habits, based on the snake exhibition of their unlimited STORY, powers of swallowing when once the process has begun, which recently led to the absorption of one boa-constrictor by another. 1 lie big python (says the Spectator) had grown too languid to take sufficient food to keep it alive. It would seize a pigeon, but refuse to eat more, its usual meal being four or the pigeons and ducks. It was, therefore, apparently destined to die of slow starvation. Its keeper, however, Lied the experiment of pushing a dead duck into its mouth before the pigeon had quite vanished. As the python went on swallowing this he pushed in another, and continued the process until it had made a sound meal. This has now been done for some months, and the python, whose digestion bus survived, though its power of seizing its prey has partly failed, lias increased greatly in size and weight. Whether a big snake prefers to prolong its existence on these conditions we have no means of judging.

Bill Nye, the American humorist, lias cracked his last joke. He was ABOUT stricken wiili paralysis, and bill died last. Bili Nye’s rcpulaNYE. tion is a thing of fifteen years’ standing. He .was discovered in Wyoming, where he contributed comic sketches to a journal published in Laramie, and stormily entitled the Boomerang. The author of these sketches had made his way from the forests of Maine to Laramie, in search of business as a awyer, but he found something more profitable in his vein of humour. Ejected from Laramie by the demise of the Boomerang , Bill Nye made his way t r New York, where lie proposed to the New York World that he should be free to write on what he liked, over his own name, and be subject to none of the discipline or restrictions of the olliee. ’I lie New York World accepted his terms, and gave him £lOuU a year to start with. New York took to him at once. He added lecturing to his other work, and for years had been credited with earning an income of £SOOO or £OOOO a vour.

Sir John Willoughby, who ranks next to Ur Jameson among the dk. jim's prisoners now under remand, chum. has had a distinguished career. He joined the Inniskilling Dragoons from the militia in 1880, ana before that year was out was transferred to the Royal Ilorse Guards, on whose roll lie has been borne since. He became lieutenant in 18.31, captain in 1887, and major early last year. He fought with his regiment in Egypt, and took part in the cavalry charges at Kassassin and Tel-el-Kebir. Then he took to pioneering in South Africa under Mr Cecil Rhodes, made a fortune—or is supposed to have done so—and became commander of the Chartered Company’s forces. He was a prominent figure in the Matabele war, and is not only a soldier, a sportsman, a dead shot, and ex-owner of a race-horse, which ran a dead heat with St. Gatien, but is one of the keenest men of business living and a director of more companies than we can count, lie is only se/en-and- thirty, and succeeded the last baronet when a boy at Eton, is a graduate of Trinity College, Cambridge, and is the wearer of several medals. He is, like nearly all his companions under remand, still unmarried.

Mu Rider Haggard has gone to South Africa in search, it is said, of MR rider fresh material for fiction. The haggard’s original of Rider Haggard’s “JESS.” “Jess” is said to be a lady of Pretoria. She married a young man, who at the time of the marriage was quite wealthy, but was forced to leave her husband, who is now a roauier, picking up odd newspaper jobs in Johannesburg. He went through the whole of his fortune In a short time,'and, like all others of his class, began to depend on his wife’s earnings. After leaving her husband “ Jess ” became a member of a South African opera company, which failed.

The Man of the World tells a good hunting story about the late Prince A story Henry of Batlenberg. In a OF very fast ruu one day ho came prince a real bad purler. His horse henry, roiled over him, and poor Prince Henry was, for the moment, quite “ out of the world.” It was just then that a well-known hunting nobleman jumped the hedge, and, seeing what had happened, pulled up. Now. this gentleman had, like many others, an idea of his own on the subject of the best filling for a hunting-flask, but, curiously enough, his_ weakness was for a solution of meat extract’

Raising the head of the prostrate Prince, the good Samaritan poured nearly a pint of this stuff down Prince Henry’s neck, and with the very best result. The Prince was oh his legs the next moment—to be violently sick—and almost the first words he said to the other man, after thanking him abundantly for his assistance, were—“ Bot, mai deresairc, \ hat. a fearful stuff to carry in your pocket-peestol i”

The Strand Magazine this month lias secured an article from Lord lord ltnssell, the Lord Chief Justice, RUSSELL on “ The Bar as a Profession.” on the He tells this reminiscence of bar As A the days when he was a profession, struggling junior of four years’ standing on the Northern Circuit. lie diced on one occasion in frugal fashion as the guest of two able young men of his own age, members of his Circuit, in one of their assize towns They were almost in the depths of despair, and one of them was seriously considering the question of migration to the Straits Settlements; the other was thinking of going to the Indian Bar. Wiiere arc they now ! Cine of them is Lord Ilersehelf, now an ex-Lord Chancellor, and the other the Speaker, Mr \V. C. Gully, Q.C.

When Mr Chamberlain was still a young member of the House of the Commons, he modestly asked an adva ft ahe old and much-respected parliadf i; i'G ineiitary hand to favour him a nervous with criticisms or hints on his Man. speeches in the House. The old member reflected for a time and th n said: “it is HI very nice, very nice indeed, Mr Chamberlain, but If you could occasionally manage to break down, the House, i assure you, would take it as a great compliment.” This mays the Westminster Gazette) was a good hint. The House almost invariably regards with a certain degree of suspicion any young member who is too glib, polished, ami correct in his manner of speaking. It positively likes a man to be nervous—which should be a consolation to maiden speakers,

Photography wonders if the following old story is true : —One day while Millais Millais was engaged in paintand ing his famous picture “ Chill PHOTO- October,” which hongs at graph Y. Cragside, among the reeds and rushes on the banks of the Tav. near Perth, a voice came from over the hedge, “ Man. did ye never try photography?” “No, never” replied Millais, painting slowly, A pause. " It’s a haiitlo quicker,” said the voice. “ Ye-cs, J suppose so.” Another pause. Tito final thrust was“ An’ it’s mail - liter the place.”

Mi: Pulitzer, the editor and proprietor of the New York World-an wc A learn from an interesting Famous article in the HYsGin nrlcr JOURNALIST. Gazette— while making a tour round the world visited India, it having for years been one of his greatest ambitions to see that most exquisite of all man’s creations, the Taj Mahal. Hardly, however, had he arrived in Agra before, by a sinister irony of fortune, the hope of ever Seeing anything again was taken from him, for lie was struck suddenly, ami,as it proved, irremediably, blind. In spite of his blindness Mr Pulitzei has right along remained the inspiring mind and soul of his paper, and whether in New' York or at Nice lias dictated, often at fabulous cost, his daily message to the World.

Rear-Admiral Wharton, wilting to The Times, says:—“ It may interest A some of your readers to know record that some spots have recently SOUNDING, been found in the South Pacific Ocean where the water is deeper than anywhere hitherto known. Her Majesty’s surveying ship Penguin, while returning from the Tonga Group to New Zealand, has sounded in three places where the depth exceeds 50ul) fathoms. Up to the present the deepest water found was to the north-eastward of Japan, wherein 137-1 the United States steamer Tuscnrora obtained a cast of 4(1.55 fathoms. The Penguin s soundings are 5022, 5117 and 51 aa fathoms. The increase is, therefore, aOij fathoms or 3000 ft. These soundings are separated from one another by water much less deep and the bottoms may not be connected. The distance from the two extreme soundings is 450 miles, specimens of the bottom were recovered from the two deeper soundings, and prove to be the u uni red (day found in ad the deepest purls of the oceans. These soundings afford additional evidence of the observed fact that the deepest holes are not in the centres of the oceans, hut arc near land, as two of them are within 100 miles of islands of tiie Kcrmandco Group and the other not far from a shoal. Doubtless deeper depressions in the bed of the sea are yet to be found, but the fact that tin's sounding of JO/JljOft shows that the ocean contains depressions below the surface greater than the elevation of the highest known mountains is perhaps worthy of record.

The latest hair-curler is heated by electricity. It is easily al-

the Inched to the light to be found electric in most bedrooms and ships' hair- cabins, and is very quickly CURLER, warmed. When ready for use it is kept at an even and reliable temperature, and therefore does not require the re-attention of the ordinary haircurler. As a saver of time this electric contrivance is a distinct triumph. Two young ladies “raced ” one another over the process, with the moat signal victory to the one with the electric longs. The invention should score a success to its ingenious promoter, for (says the Ball Mall Gazette) curled and waved and undulated locks are, and will likely enough remain, the height of fashion.