POOR JOHN WILLIAM.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1249, 6 February 1896, Page 41

POOR JOHN WILLIAM.

A STORY OF THE OLD BAILEY. I met him at one of those foreign water-ing-places where the English male population seems to consist of abnormally green youths and abnormally acute Avide-awake men, while the ladies —Avell, ladies are charming A\dierever you meet them, and have nothing to do with the present story ; so Avhy inquire further ? I belieA r o I Avon, his respect by the air of dignified contempt with .vbich one cvenina' I declined to play cards with him at a small but AA r ell-served restaurant at Avhich Ave had been dining at adjoining tables. There AA r as an upper room at that cafe, and, as far as my obseiwation Avent, my Avould-be friend Avas picking up quite a respectable living among the brown-shoed, largecollared young gentlemen Avho frequented it. I mean, of course, respectable in point of dimensions, Avithout any referenco to the means of its acquirement. Next evening, at all events, I made his further acquaintance—for one night only—■ through the upsetting and consequent; replenishing of his glass as I sti'olled past the little marble-topped table besida which he Avas smoking and digesting. I guard myself from saying that I upset the glass ; he said 1 did, and I admitted the impeachment to the extent of paying for its replenishing with a compound of his own, mainly vermouth, absinthe and brandy, about a gill of which he thus obtained j* exchange for what was evidently a mere heel-tap. Under the circumstances ho became communicative, and no Avonder; after half a glass of what he was drinking I might have confessed any of my usual sins—after a full glass I should have been capable of adding to them substantially. As it was, I ordered a cup of coffee and a glass of cognac for myself, handed him a cigar, carefully retaining the case in my possession, and lighted one myself. I happened to make some remark about the recent gi eat silver robbery, suggested by an account of it in an old English picper nt my elbow, and I think I made soma suggestion as to the practical method of avoiding detection in the perpetration of such crimes that took his fancy considerably ; for lie winked and said he saw I know all about it —a compliment Avhich I acknowledged by having his glass once more re-iilled.

'Ever been through the Bailey?' he> asked, with a slight flush tinging his nose and cheek bones —he had a very pallid face otherwise. I nodded assent. As a matter of fact, the lengthy investigation of a case of fraudulent bankruptcy bad taken up much of time during the past session, and I had become almost f.tmiliar with its dingy surroundings. ' 1 thought you very likely had. Been before the judge ?' I nodded again. I thought vaguely that he had divined my profession,and was alluding to my somewhat uncertain practice at chambers. When, howover, he remarked that he'd rather go before 'nine epitheted judges out of ten than one adjectived Recorder,' I understood/that he was referring to an acquaintance with the administrators of justice enjoyed in a personal rather than in a professional capacity; but he was too warm with vermouth and brandy for my chilly stare to make him pause.

' Last time I was there I had a rum letoff,' ho said, chuckling. 'Last time but one it was live of the best, but last time—oh, lor'/

I swallowed the affront he had unwittingly put upon me and nodded encouragingly. ' Care to hear it, would you ? Well, it was like this. I was up for a pretty big job—one of the biggest I ever was in, and certainly the worst thing I was ever lagged for —it meant for me seven of the best, 'and not much to grumble at.'

I gathered from this that my new friend bad recently been expecting a sentence of at least seven years' penal servitude at the Central Criminal Court, his singular escape from which admittedly deserved fate he was about to recount to me. He continued :

' I'd got a vjretty good man to say what he coxild for me. Not one of the real topsawyers—it wouldn't run to that —still a handy sort of chap with a precious long tongue. You see, when it's a dead cerfcagainst you it's better to keep your cash. till you come out, if you've anyone safe to leave it with, than to chuck it away to swell lawyers ; so I said " Guilty" in a, tone I thought sounded like " deep contrition," talked to my couusel over the edge of the dock, and then stood down to take my turn at being sentenced when they thought I'd been strung up in suspense long enough. % ' Now my name is, well, what is it. lira "Carteret Whittingham" here to-day; good old family name—l aways like a good name—and we'll say it was " John Reginald " Whittingham that day, and that the other chap was " John William " W hittingham. Not much difference, eh ? Though there was some difference between net Well, I heard my name againv as I theugjatl

just as I was leaving the dock, and he was saying " Not Guilty," in a voice like you'd expect in a- virtuous mouse that had been caught stealing cheese. He was crying, and the warder had to repeat what he said, before the Common Sergeant, who was taking the pleas, as they call it, could hear him. It didn't interest me much —I'd too much of my own business to think of just then; but one notices things in a rum way, and I remembered it afterwards, and what a precious fool John William Whittingham looked. Well, next day, there was a long case on that took hours and hours, and just as I thought I was cocksure to be adjourned till next day I heard 'em call " Whittingham," and I answered "Yes," and a warder said, "Here, you Whittingham ;" and up I went into the dock.

'I heard something about John Something Whittingham, and I think some one asked me if it was all right, and, of course, I said it was. I was not attending much, I was getting used to having the light in my eyes and looking for my counsel. He wasn't there ; and as I thought I'd better say so, I began to listen to what the prosecuting chap was talking about, so as to interrupt him quietly and not set his back up or the judge's. He was telling thefc all something about a trifling offence that would not take them long to investigate, and I said to myself "'Ang it!"'

It is only fair to my friend of that evening that that one occasion on which he safd ' 'Ang it' so emphatically, under the influence of strong emotion, was one of the very few timos on which I heard him drop an h. His accent was suggestive of the metropolis, at times he was slangy, but as a rule he was, without any great apparent effort, scrupulously 'genteel.' When he said "Ang it' he paused, and ordered another brandy and vermouth for himself. 'He was talking to the jury when I pleaded guilty on purpose, and he was telling them something about what he said technically constituted the offence of burglary, and how the prisoner had, no doubt, yielded to a sudden temptation, and the prosecution did not Avant to press hard upon him. Well, I ain't a burglar j I always say the pen is mightier than the jemmy; and the cheque I was most afraid of—the one where I crossed the * too low down—was a matter of three figures; so I don't wonder I said 'Ang it!' were taking the other Whittmgilam's case, I suppose/1 suggested, pushing the full glass that had just arrived towards iiin, and a fresh cigar; he was an appallingly fast smoker. * You've hit it in once, and I only tumbled to it just in time,' he said, winking as he , took a prolonged sip. 'I expect the counsel employed had applied to have his case taken out of its turn —very likely a short case was wanted, as it was late in the afternoon,' I said, hoping to faintly suggest a familiarity with the procedure greater than that which an ordinary criminal would acquire. ' That's it/ said my friend approvingly ; • you know the ropes as well as I do; it was twenty minutes to four, and I fancy the judge had asked to have a short case sent to him just to fill up time. They told me something: of the sort when they was saying good-bye and telling me I was a darnedj/ucky chap, which I about knew by .Jb.au. Lord, how I sweated for five minutes! The counsel for the prosecution was just saying how he'd call his witnesses and settle me off in two-two's, when I grasped the situation. Of course, I'd not noticed at first that they called me John William instead of John Reginald, because I'd not been using those names for some time/

' Yes/ he said, as if pleased with the fitness of the expression, ' I grasped the situation.

'"My lord," I said, just the moment before the prosecutor was going l to be called into the court, " I plead guilty." ' " You wish to withdraw your plea ?" said his lordship, looking as pleased as if he'd just remembered an invitation out to tea, and was going to thank me for helping him to keep it. * "I do, my lord," I says, " and I wish to give your lordship and these gentlemen as little trouble as I can, and throw myself on the mercy of the court." ' " Why did you do it ?" said the judge. 'He was a sorrowful, pious-looking old chap never mind his name, I don't want the case identified, not by anyone. *" I don't know, my lord,' I said, trying to think of why any one should break a pane of glass to get two penny buns and a stick of liquorice, which was John William's high-class notion of burglary. " I've a wife and. four children, and the consumption," I said at last. * It's a rum thing; if I'd said I did it because I was drunk, that old chap would probably have said that made it all the worse, and given me six months. Now I think a man with a wife in our line of business is a blackguard, and a chap " who's consumptive and has three children ought to be hanged right away ; but the old judge he seemed fit to cry—quite sorry for me he was. ' " Is anything known against this man ?"

says he. '"I believe not, my lord," says the counsel, " but there's an inspector among the witnesses, who perhaps can tell us." ' I fairly shivered. I'd forgotten all about that sort of game. But luck's luck

all the world over, and when it once begins to run for you it'll run till you choose to stop it, and the inspector must have thought the other witnesses would take half an hour, and gone outside to tea. It was a dear cup of tea for him, that was. ' " I shall disallow his expenses as a witness," says the judge when they'd waited a minute and shouted for him a bit, " and bind the prisoner over to come up for judgment when called upon. Take his recognizances." ' There's an act they call the First Offenders Act; 'tain'fc grammar, but its expressive/ said my friend,

* I know/ I said. * You'll never get the benefit of it/ said my friend, chuckling hideously. ' I did, though, and I was in the street five minutes later. I passed an inspector running who'd been fetched by a constable, and was cursing no end. He'd have soon told them I wasn't John William; but there's where the luck comes in. It was for me that business, and against J. W. all the time. I caught a cab, picked up a quid or two from a pal, and have been enjoying myself ever since. I'm off to Homburg tomorrow, while he — ' and he shrugged his shoulders expressively. ' But surely/ I said, 'this comparatively innocent man, John William Whittingham, did not get the penal servitude that you ought to have had? The police and warders would find out their mistake.' 'They're not so jolly fond of telling about mistakes, that I know of,' he replied. 'But he would explain from the dock; he surely would not let himself be sentenced for a crime he never commited.?' 'I don't know/ said my friend, 'and what's more, I don't care. They get things put through pretty slippy in that court, and John William, from what I saw of him, looked fool enough for anything.' 'Poor John William/ I said; but my friend had slipped off suddenly. A stranger had seated himself at the next table, and I noticed that he was eyeing me rather closely. —Archie Armstrong in the Pall Mall Gazette.