ECHOES OF THE WEEK.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1217, 28 June 1895, Page 21

ECHOES OF THE WEEK.

Satire's my weapon, but I'm too discreet To ran amuck and tilt at all I meet. Pope.

BY SCRUTATOR. T>EALLY I think I shall set up as a SAJ prophet. About two months ago I indulged in a prediction that the Rosebery Government would not last into July, and behold, facts are with me, the expected crash, has come at last, though with greater suddenness than most of us anticipated. On the whole it is, perhaps, the best thing that could have happened. Some reasons for the downfall I gave last week, and there is no need to say more on that subject today.. Let us rather have a chat as to the new cabinet, Lord Salisbury, of course, wa? bound to be Premier, and his nephew, Mr Balfour, the Leader of the House. The Unionist element is represented by the Duke of Devonshire, Lord Hartingfcon that was, and " Judas Joe " of . Birmingham, clever Mr Chamberlain. Another Unionist, Mr Courtney, is talked of as. President of the Board of Trade, and yet another, Sir Henry James, as Home Secretary. Mr Jackson, who is spoken of as the coming Irish Secretary, is a Leeds man, who has sat for the woolly metropolis since 1880, and has long been regarded as a very able man, and Sir John Gorst, who was out in New Zealand years ago, and who latterly has taken a great interest in the labour question, is spoken- of as Postmaster General.

AS 'far as the colonies are concerned, we need not grieve particularly over the departure of the Marquis of Ripon, an old Whig and a bit of a fossil. His successor was at first stated to be Lord Knutsford, who was Under Secretary fort;he Colonies in '7O to '74, and Colonial Secretary again in the last Salisbury Government, but later news is to the effect that Mr Chamberlain, a much stronger man in every way, has taken the post; Mr Goschen, so we are told, goes back to his old post at the Admiralty. He was First Lord under Gladstone as far back as 1871, and many will remember the once popular comic song " If ever I cease to love," one verse of which ditty ran :

May Goschen have a notion Of the motion of the ocean If ever I cease to love.

But Mr Goschen was in; a much more suitable position when he was Chancellor of the. Exchequer in the last Salisbury Ministry, which he joined on that memorable occasion when poor Randy Churchill so suddenly resigned the Chancellorship in 1886. According to the cable forecast, Sir Michael a pompous and ponderous old Tory hack, is now to administer the finances, but I should not be surprised to find Mr Goschen back again at the financial helm after a few months have gone by. Before these lines are in print the positions allotted may be changed, bub thei*e can be no doubt that the new ToryUnionist Ministry will be a very strong one. As to the Uhder-secretaries, the combined party is specially well off for clever yOung men, and not only in the administrative but in debating power, the new Salisbury Cabinet ought to be most notably efficient.

Gj\ENERAL election will soon eventuate -cV.' and although it is the unexpected that often, but not always, happens; and the; Liberals might gain the day, it is, I should say, big odds on their defeat; and, as I have often contended in these columns, an absence from office for a few years will do the Liberals-cum-Radicals no small amount of good. 'ln the natural course of events they will return to power, but in the meantime they will have an opportunity of purging their ranks of the opportunists, of the plutocrat and professional politician element, of hardening up their policy and going before the country a united and hopeful party, Tjvith a strong, comprehensive platform of 'really needed social reform legislation. Meanwhile, there is ho need to fear that the new Ministry will ; dare to .'' introduce any reactionary legislation, and it is quite probable they may do more actual good for the masses than the Rosebery Ministry could or would have done. We shall see.

THE English Army has at last got rid of its " Old Man of the Sea" in the person of the "Shook of Grambritch," and the hero of Tel-el-Kebir and " the Soldier's Pocket-book"—Lord "Wolseley, is to take the place of the venerable old figure for ever associated with a "gamp." Had Tommy Atkins himself been consulted, he would, I fancy, have voted for his favourite " Bobs," the immensely popular Lord Roberts, of Candahar celebrity, whose fame Rudyard Kipling has written and sung so persistently in his Indian Army sketches and in "Barrack-room Ballads." Unfortunately, poor Tommy, the person most concerned, nas no say in the matter. There is no democratic franchise in the election, or selection, of a British Commander-in-Chief, and perhaps, on the whole, it is just as well there is not. ■ :

THE resignation of the poor old "Shook" must hfive been on the tapis for some time, for in connection with his then rumoured Jcoming retirement, a question was asked by Dr Tanner, the irrepressible Irish M.P. in the House of Commons, early in May, and led, I notice, to some very amusing correspondence between the waggish member for Mid Cork and a retired major named J. Jones. Two days after Tanner had asked whether it was true that the Duke had resigned his position as Commander in Chief, he received the following bellicose telegram from Major Jones :

In reply to your despicable question about the Duke of Cambridge, I designate you a

coward. Delighted to give you satisfaction

across the water. Pistols. J. Jones, Major. To this Dr Tanner sent the following reply : Yours received. Will meet you to-morrow (Tuesday) evening at. Constantinople. Torpedoes prefered. Water-tube boilers excluded. Advertising strictly prohibited. Bring another ass at midnight. Tanner.

The Major responded with "Unwittingly you have confirmed my telegram, but not the challenge." The jocular Patlander despatched a second message : " Wire received ; sorry you funked the torpedoes; stick to Constantinople: bring the smoke. —Tanner." The Major, however, replied that "Midnight meetings are for moonlighters," which, so far from riling the jolly Irishman, actually increased his amusement, for he closed the incident with a final wire: "Strongly recommend bromide of potassium this hot , weather for the staggers. Further reply useless ; will not spend another tanner." What the irate Major will now say to the Duke's retirement, real and no longer rumoured, I don't know, but I suppose he thinks that Heaven and Earth are.on the point of passing away now that the venerable old gentleman with the historic umbrella is no longer at the head of matters military.

WHATEVER may be the fate of the Madagascar News if the French succeed in reaching the Malagasy capital, the editor of that curious little paper still continues to send out copies with great regularity. The last issue to reach me was that dated April 14th. It gives a very interesting account of a review of the troops about to join the Coast Army and to take active part in the operations against the French invaders. It is quite pathetic to notice the glowing patriotism of the speeches made by the chief officers to the Queen, in whose august presence the review was held. These Malagasy are evidently animated by a fine spirit of independence and of pride in their native land, and I for one should feel most heartily glad could they achieve the unlikely and give the French a thorough thrashing, for in the history of modern civilisation no more unwarrantable, no more unjust, no more absolutely vile an outrage on the amity of nations has been recorded than that of this French attempt to crush a fine race into subservience to a justly dreaded and hated foreign rule.

BRAVE words—of a brave man I trust —were those of the Chief Andriantary of the 13th regiment:—

Our hearts are very glad because of the honours (rank). given to us, and because of ]t'our presence here, to-day. We have nothing to give but our efforts, our strength, our minds, our bodies and our lives. We shall go_now, and we assure Your Majesty that it is in this land that we have grown up as a tree and if the land is threatened byothers—the land of which our minds, strength and efforts, are the fruits given by God to us, that we may hold fast Your Majesty's kingdom and the Prime Minister's order—we will not sow the seeds from those fruits in other lands, but we will sow all of them in Madagascar, in order to preserve this land, and in order that it may be prospered.—We are not going to deliver a iiowery speech, or to show a thing which has a good appearance, as good appearance is not enough to make a real thing, but what we shall do are real deeds, the result of our efforts, and we here assure Your Majesty th/Bt we will do all that we can to preserve and give prosperity to the kingdom. And again— In our youth, we were trained by the Prime Minister in tho exercise of artillery, rifle and if this land is threatened by anybody—anybody who has flesh and blood as we have ourselves, we assure our Majesty that we will protect it. There is not a land where death is not the lot of man. If we die in our own house, we have no more hdnourthan the little child who dies on the lap of its mother, but if we die in protecting the Fatherland, we die with the highest honour. We ask God's help that we may see their (French) faces in order that we may attack them. And may Your Majesty live long, and enjoy long rule over Your people. We assure Your Majesty that we shall follow implicitly Your Majesty's representative at Mojanga. ELSEWHERE in this; interesting little paper, to whose spirited conductor I wish all good luck and safety rto himself and his presses and type, should the French get to Antanarivo and Sbjze his printing office, -the editor points out, possibly as some . small constitution to his readers that the country has had a more than Usually severe rainy season, and that the mules, some thousands of which are being employed by the French for transport services, will be at great disadvantage, being small hoofed animals in a swampy country. The News sums up as follows : —"Altogether Flood will be to the Malagasy a general of equal value to their traditional Generals, Fever and Forest. General Forest is lacking in the Western routes, but General Flood has taken his place." In conclusion I can assure Mr Harvey, the editor of this interesting little paper, the Madagascar News, that the brave Malagasy have hosts of sympathisers and well wishers in this far off land, the native people and language of which have so much in common with the Malagasy. I hope that the copy of the Mail I send him will reach him safely and find the French still a good many leagues away from the News office.

~j\TOT a little of the Premier's personal -»-^l■ popularity-—as genuine as it is unquestioned, even by his bitterest political opponents—is due to his unfailing bonhomie, his ready accessibility by the humblest members of the community, and last, but by no means least, his cheery willingness to personally investigate any complaint as to luafair treatment. An excellent substantiation of what I have above set forth is afforded by a paragraph in a recent issue of the West Coast Times, to which I am glad to give that extended , publicity that so good a story deserves.

My contemporary says: "The Premier has a variety of duties thrust upon him, but one he was called upon to perform at Kumara recently faiily ' takes the cake.' He was accosted by a man breaking road metal for the Survey Department, who said: 'Mr Seddon, I know you are a fair man ; I want you to measure some stones for me.' The Premier did not deny the tribute of praise, but demurred to the task. The man explained his reason —' Jones has been measuring the stones for the Suivey Department and makes the quantity too little; if he measures th« timber for royalty the same way the Government are losing thousands of pounds in royalties every year. I know you are a fair man and will see justice done to me.' Even a Premier is human and consequently he could not resist the appeal. A party then set out for the scene of operations, consisting of the Premier, the Resident Engineer, the Overseer, and an interested public. Arriving at the heap of broken metal, the tape was used, and sure enoug-h, it was found the man had not been allowed full measure. This put the others on the thorns of doubt, and they insisted theirs should be measured also. The tape was again requisitioned and all found correctly measured except one man, who had been allowed too much. Mr Seddon says it is his most singular experience since he has been Premier, and he dotibls if any other Premier has a similar tale to tell.

IN the latest issue of the New Zealand Schoolmaster there are some amusing examples of curious mistakes made by our children in the answering of examination questions. Out of a big batch I select the following as being worthy of quotation :

Question: To whom, and under what circumstances, were the following words spoken : —" Take away this bauble " ? Answer : By Hem-y VIII. to Cromwell when he brought him Anne of Cleves to marry . Question: What was the sentence pronounced on the barren fig tree ? Answer : " Cut it down, why cumbereth it the ground?" Question: Who were the Pharisees? Answer : 1. The Pharisees were a mean set. On one occasion they brought our Lord a penny, which he rejected with scorn, saying unto them, '' Whose subscription is this ?'' Answer: 2. The Pharisees Were very hypocritical men. They fasted in public, and. in secret devoured widows' houses.

TALKING about schoolboys and their answers under examination reminds me of a clipping I made one wet evening this week from a London paper, the St. James' Gazette, which records a somewhat remarkable occurrence, viz., the viva voce examination of a schoolmaster by a local bench of magistrates. It was at Croydon, where a schoolmaster named Davis was plaintiff in a civil case. Davis had stated in his evidence that " he knew everything," an assumption of infallibility which reminds one of the Post and its claim to omniscience. But the Croydon bench were anxious for more precise.answers, and put the pedagogue through his facings as follows:—

Q. If a scholar asked you which was the greater, three-fourths or six-eighths, what would be your answers ? —A. I could not say what would be the correct answer without working it out on a slate. Q. What is a third and a half of a third of fourpence ?—A. A farthing.

The Head of an Oxford college, adds the Gazette, has been kno»m to be "stumped" for an answer to the question, "If a salmon weighs ten pounds and half its own weight, how much does it weigh ?" but these vulgar fractions do seem a trifle elementary even for a professional schoolmaster.

CURIOUSLY enough, in the same paper I came across another schoolmaster " par," which might have been, but was not—the sub-editor must have been asleep —headed, "What's in a name ?" It appears that a Mr Coward, assistant master at the Ben Jonson Road Board School, London, applied to Mr Dickinson, at the Thames Police Court, for a summons against one of the scholars for assaulting him by kicking him on the leg. "Mr Dickinson—How old is the boy ? Applicant—Thirteen. (Laughter.) Mr Dickinson, evidently amazed —I wonder what things are coming to ? It is perfectly absurd for a schoolmaster to come to a police court on such a matter. Give the boy the thrashing he deserves. Mr Coward —-I am afraid to punish him. (Renewed laughter.)" There are a good New Zealand pedagogues who are cowards in fact, though they be not in name, on this question of corporal punishment ; but as a schoolmaster said to me the other day, " how can I thrash a boy who thoroughly deserves it when his father is on the school committee, and would hound me out of my employment if I dared to do my duty ?" The nainby pamby sentiment (false and in reality terribly cruel to the boys in its future consequences) of many Wellington parents, is a matter for grave regret. " Spare the rod and spoil the child," and in New Zealand this is an adage more honoured in the breach than the observance. Not enough stick and too much larrikinism, that's what it all amounts to.

SOME of the Dunedin church organisations have, I notice, been fulminating against the proposal to realise some of the Estates Company's properties by means of a lottery. Personally I am not particularly enamoured of this lottery scheme, but the action of the churches is Pecksniffery, pure and simple. In ninety-nine out of every hundred church bazaars lotteries are in full swing, and although here and there an outspoken and honest parson does raise the voice of protest, the brethren as a rule haven't the faintest objection to an embroidered footstool being raffled half a dozen times over, under a system which is only too frequently a most transparent swindle. " For the good of the church " is a smug phrase, which like charity, " covereth a multitude of sins." And as to the principle of gambling, which is of course the i

nominal evil at which these good Dunedinites aim their protest, is not that principle actually \ipheld by congregations ■who build handsome churches on the ten to one chance that the posterity of the faithful shall pay for them. If the churches object to lotteries, then let them object to speculation in mining shares, so largely carried on by men who are pillars of the church, and which is just as much gambling as the backing of horses is. Squabbling, in the most rancorous way, for two whole days, over the appointment of a minister to a snug cure of souls recently took place at Dunedin, filling the public press with columns of reasons for inspiring the public mind with utter contempt for anything possessing the name of Synod. Could not the churches look first at home and try and reform their own households, instead of uttering a sanctimonious screech against the presumed evils of a lottery ? I, at least, think so, and I fancy there will be many to agree with me.

QOME very extraordinary yarns about lO the various members of the English Royal Family get into the American papers from time to time. The latest of these, I notice, appears in the'Frisco mail summary. It relates how Prince Henry of Battenburg, the impecunious but goodlooking- Teuton for whom Her Majesty provided a wife and the British taxpayer a snug income, went for a trip across the frontier with the Duke d'Orleans—probably from Aix-les-Bains, where English royalty was recently residing. The aristocratic pair went to a village fair, where the Prince—oh, what would his dear Trixy say when she heard of it? —was foolish enough to kiss a rustic beauty. Whereupon the beauty's own particular peasant " boy " got his hot Spanish blood up, and, with some of his fellows, " went for" the Prince and the Duke with the knives habitually carried by men of his class. Had it not been, so it is alleged, for the police, both Battenburg and Orleans would have been killed. English Royal princes, especially since "the First Gentleman in Europe" set the fashion, have been somewhat given to flirtation—to use no stronger a term—but in Spain at least one sprig- of royalty has been taught a wholesome lesson. If vhe yarn be true, what a wigging " dear Trixy's " husband must have got when his royal mother-in-law heard of the scrape. The Parisian papers, I read, were full of the affair, which is, however, a serious proof of the falsity of the story, for the average Parisian journal can rival the late lamented Ananaias as a liar.

A CURIOUS incident, I hear, occurred at Blenheim the other day, Colonel Fox arrived in that town with a view to inspecting the local volunteers. Unfortunately, however, a malignant fate seemed suddenly to descend upon the officers of the corps, and to prevent them from being present on the projected parade. The captain, worthy man, was seized with an attack of neuralgia which rendered it impossible for him to leave his house j the lieutenant suddenly remembered he had a most urgent engagement up country, and a senior sergeant was called away in an equally peremptory manner to Wellington. Finally the Colonel, who appears to have appreciated the humour of the situation, contributed his little quota to the excuse making, and finding he also" had an engagement in Wellington of the most pressing urgency, departed suddenly by boat across the straits, delivering a parting satirical shot, however, in the form of a statement that he " had inspected the local cadets, whose drill satisfied him so much that he would leave the inspection of the Rifles until another visit." Blenheim folks are now wondering at the curious unanimity with which the officers managed to escape inspection, and giggling a little over the slightly ambiguous statement made by the Colonel.

T T> WRITES as follows: A few months ago when the good folks of Palmerston North were so much agitated to find a fit and proper name for their charming township, I was much tempted to suggest the name of " Palmyra," but fearing to be drawn into a newspaper controversy which I do not feel myself competent to sustain, I refrained from doing so at the time, but now venture to to throw out the hint to you, sir, feeling confident that you will do the subject full justice if there is, in your opinion, anything in it. It is needless for me to point out either the historical events or poetical charms associated with the name of Palmyra. These are familiar to all educated minds, but from a p ractical point of view it has also much to commend it to Palmerstonians, being almost an abreviation of the present name.

MY correspondent's- suggestion comes, I am. afraid, a little late in the day, for, if I remember rightly, " Palmyra " has already been mentioned as a suitable substitute for Palmerston. I am afraid it would hardly do, for Palmyra, though once a city of immense importance, has long been in ruins. It was the Tadmor of the Jews, the Hebrew name, like the Greek word, Palmyra, signifying " city of palms." Solomon is credited with having built it. It became a great commercial entrepdt in the time of the Roman Emperor Trajan, and was afterwards the capital of what was then called " an empire " ruled over by that remarkable woman, Zenobia. Finally the city was almost destroyed by the Roman Emperor Aurelian, the Saracens competing the destruction in the Bth century. To-day only a little Arab village called Tedmor remains of what was once a populous and beautiful city. No one could truthfully liken Palmerston to a " city of palms"— "city of incendiary rats" would-be more appropriate, so the insurance companies would no doubt say —and seeing the present state of the once famous Palmyra —a heap of dismal ruins embedded in the sand—the adoption of the name by the Palmerstomians would not be a particularly

na PPy au gury. No, lam afraid Palmyra won't do.

REFERRING to the ministry the other night, Mr George Hutchison, who appears to be the Opposition's particular "white-headed boy " just now, is reported to have said, " Their cup is not yet full. We should fix them in the pillory of public scorn, so that the public may know them for what they are." I wonderjjwhether Mr Hutchison cherishes the sweet delusion that he has managed to get out of " the pillory of public scorn," in which he has, in the opinion of hundreds of people up the West Coast of this island—who know him for what he is—long been occupying such a prominent place. It ill becomes a political " rat" to talk about " public scorn."

THE following letter has been handed to me by the editor of the New Zeat land Mail as referring to a subject dealt with specially in this column : House of Representatives, Wellington. TO THE EDITOR. Sir, —I regret that my first correction of your statements on the subject of agricultural lime has not proved sufficient, andthat I am now under the necessity of applying a second. In your issue of the 14th you say that the average " squatter" does not use much lime or manure. In the first place the name is in bad taste and not applicable to any class of settlers in this island. In the second place your assertion (which by inference applies to myself) that I do not use much lime or manure is incorrect, because, to the best of my knowledge, I was the first in my district to use both lime and manure. It is also well known that many of the larger landowners in the South, such as Mr John Grigg, have for years been foremost in this direction. Turning to matters political, you ask: "Where would the capital go if it were driven away?—to Victoria, with its bankrupt banks and building societies, with its falling revenue, decreasing volume of trade and general depression?" Yes, even so. It prefers all these drawbacks to the harassing legislation of the present Government, and is being offered at the present moment to settlers there at 4J- per cent, and in New South Wales as low as 4 per cent. This I can prove. May I suggest that you should explain to your readers why so much higher terms are demanded here.—l am, &c,

W. C. Buchanan.

THERE is no need for me to bore my readers with any lengthy reply to Mr Buchanan's letter. Re his use of lime, etc., I cheerfully admit the correction, which, however, does not in the least affect my original contention that Mr 8., as a member for a country constituency, should do his utmost to help his fellow settlers by getting the cheapest terms possible for railway carriage of commodities they use. Mr Buchanan's complaint as to my alleged' l bad taste " in using the term " average squatter," strikes me as being puerile in the extreme. The word squatter, as a synonym for sheepfarmer, is made use of in nearly every leading journal in the colonies and is in such common acceptation that any objection to its use is both tardy and trivial. Perhaps it is the adjective, " average," that Mr Buchanan dislikes. Well, then, shall I call him an " extraordinary squattier "?. •• Extraordinary " is certainly a. very suitable term to apply to some of his recent speeches. I trust he will get rid of his silly, notion that the present Government are making Zealandia a bad country to live in. The question of the relative rates of interest I will not go into save to remark that were I a farmer I would prefer to live and, if necessary, to borrow money at 5 or 6 per cent, in New Zealand, than to reside in either Victoria or New South Wales and get money —from whom Mr B. does not state—at 4or h- . ;•.■