“SMILES.”

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1201, 8 March 1895, Page 24

“SMILES.”

Care to our coffin adds a nail no doubt, And every laugh so merry draws one out. The late Lord Westmoreland had quite a novel idea for giving a “ straight tip." . There are a great many people in this vale of tears who are seized with an overwhelming desire to be in the know, but who would be extremely indignant if anybody suggested that they were inquisitive. in dealing with this class of people Lord Westmoeland was very smart indeed. Never insulting, but always affable and courteous, the man who elicited any information from his lordship had to be remarkably spry. Sometimes one of the inevitable band of racecourse interviewers would ask him if his horse had any chance for the next race. Instead of consigning the interested one to the warmest imaginable spot, or requiring to know if he took him for an enquiring agency, his lordship without any hesitation, would reply : “ My dear fellow I’ll tell you all about it in a moment." Then from the trousers pocket came the well-known private handicap book, and the tale begun. “ Look here ; it represents Indian Star at 4st 71b." Then followed* a string of other names and collateral trials of the most intricate nature, poured forth with the utmost volubility and frankness, till-—- “ there it is ; and now you know as much about it as I do, so you can please yourself," was reached. Then the book was returned to its resting place and the tall graceful figure sauntered away, leaving the seeker after knowledge with a vague idea that he ought to feel flattered at the confidence reposed in him, but rather uncertain as to what he had heard.

A gentleman, a little bit “ razzle-daz-zle," got into the train the other day, whep returning from the races, and falling against a lady, began to swear in an undertone. The lady’s husband, quietly got up, and asked the, “ liquid imbiber," what he meant by swearing before his wife.

“ How * the, hie, devil did I know she wanted to swear first ?" was the reply.