THE LAUGHTER-BOX.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1197, 8 February 1895, Page 32

THE LAUGHTER-BOX.

A tittle nonnotiHO now and then la relished l*y the wisest men. IU(|)II| HE WANTED IT -HIMSELF. “ Tho way an Afghan loves whisky boats everything," said. tlio soldier. ‘‘ I onco mot a tribesman on his pony. ‘ Give mo a drink of whisky. I’ll give you my Erldlb for it,’ says ho. ‘ No,' says 1. I U give you my pony,’ says ho. ‘ No,’says l. Finally, if you’ll boliovo it, ho ottered his bridle,’ and saddle, and pony u.ll in a bunch for a drink." “ Well, and wouldn t you givo it to hint for all that ’?" asked too soldier’s listener. “Not much," said tho soldier. “I had only ono drink lotb, and I wanted that myself." Amuniny Journal.

MARY’S APPETITE. Mrs McGroodio {to slavey) “ Wool, Mary, yo say yo’re leavin’ an’ yon only oomo at Martinmas term, twa or throe days ago. What faut hao gotton to find V" Mary : —“ Yer moat’s noxthor guid enough nor suffoooiont, mom." Mrs McGroodio : Things hao oomo tao a bonny pass whan eyory half starved wretch o’ a servant that oomos tao mo think I’m in duty bound tao pit flesh on her, as tho cannibals dao folks that thoy’ro eatoliod and are gaun tao oat! It maun bo a sair misfortune tao bo cursod wi’ sicoan appotoot, Mary." TIT FOR TAT. Tho Salvation Army in a certain provincial district wore at ono time in tho habit of displaying this glaring intorrogatory: “ What shall I do to bo savod ?’ The vendors of a well-known, patent medicine saw in this an opportunity for a unique and useful advertisement, and they forthwith had similar si/.od bills posted uudornoath as follows : “ Try Blank’s Noted Pills." This naturally annoyed tho religionists, who at onco ceased to bo the medium of giving publicity in such a manner to. tho proprietary articlo. In time tho original placards woro washed away, but tho odvortisemontß of, “ Try Blank’s Noted Pills " continued to appear. Tho ohaneo for rovonge had now arrived, and in ordor to return a Roland for an Olivor, tho Salvationists beneath every annotmoomont displayed an attractive poster, on vvhioh was printed, “ Proparo to meet thy God 1"

SANDY ON THE LONDON SIGHTS. A couple of Highlanders on a visit to London, while strolling along.tho Thames Embankment, had their attention attracted by Oloopatra’s Neodlo. Tonal remarked, in wondor, “Ta neodlo, inteot! Ta wummin who’ll sow with,it will have peon fory mucklo, whatof'fer, Tougal." TougaJ, after prolonged oogitation, responded, “ Tonal, if that wull po ta loddy’s neodlo, what like wull po her shears'? They would roach ta fory hoovons, and could bo made to clip ta moon in two with moreofer l"

STEEP, VERY STEEP INDEED ! At Deoringullon, near Goulburn (N.S.W.), ft dog dropped upon tho canvas of a Buckeye reaper-and •binder that was being worked in ft harvest field. Before anybody could interfere, tho dog was carried by tho elevators into the bindingtable, tied up in a sheaf of whoat, bound and tossed out! When tho sheaf was unfastened, the dog walkod stupidly out, quite unhurt. — Bulletin. A CONTROLLER OF THE PEOPLE'S

WILL. The one gem of oratory amidst tho vapid drivel of Vie. Log. Council on tlio Land-tax Bill came from llouso-and-Land agent Ham : Tho bill was an “ implicablo phenomena." (Laughter, and a voice, “ A what ’?") Mr D. Ham (with emphasis) : “An implicablo phenomena." (Roars of laughter.) The bill had boon drafted by a genius of an immaculate conception. (Great laughter.) Such aro pooplo who throttle the democracy.—Bulletin. COLOUR BLIND BY CHOICE. *' Yours is a perplexing case," said tho oculist. “You call rod puvplo, and rofor to Nile green as Turkoy red." “ Yes," replied the visitor with a contented smile. “ I guess I was born that way." “ It’s the most aggravated case of oolourblindod* ness I ever encountered in my professional “That’s it. I want you to write mo out a statement to that effect. Never mind what tho foe is. You seo, my wife has a lot of samples she wants matched, and she’ll ask mo to take the job some time next week, suro." And then tho oculist had his suspicions. New York Jwlye. SNIPPETS AND SMILES. This is tho message tho telegraph messenger handed to him Como down as soon as you can. 1 am dying. —Kate." Eight hours later ho arrived _at tho Bummer hotel, to bo mot on tho piazza by Kate herself. “Why, what do you moan by Bonding mo such a message V ho asked “ Oh," oho gurglod, “ I wanted to say I was dying to see you, but my ton words ran out and 1 had to stop.

Mr Melton Prior is representing the Illustrated London JVcuxr in St. Petersburg. On his oflico door in tho Strand there is the laconic intimation, “ Gone to Russia," under which a wag Has written “ Bo back in five minutes I"