A Comedy on the River.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1030, 27 November 1891, Page 11

A Comedy on the River.

A Complete Story. Of all pleasant things on a burning, broiling; scorching summer afternoon, one of..the pleasantest is to mooi’ one s. boat under the shade of a gi - ove of trees in a quiet backwater on the Thames, and, stretching one’s length in easy, if not sti-ictly graceful, abandon, to smoke that modern substitute for the calumet of peace, the deadly cigarette. The distant murmur of a splashing, frothing, watei'fall sounded soothingly on the ear. The chirping of birds in the topmost branches of the lofty elms, the hum of the bees as they floated from flower to flower gathering their winter stoi'e, the contented lowing of the cattle in a far-off meadow, mingling with the gentle notes of warning uttered by the sheep to their more venturesome offspring, showed that all nature revelled in the unusual glow of warmth anu brilliancy with which our somewhat sunless is e was favoured. It lay with one man alone, for whose delight all these joyous things were created, to sound the discordant note and to jar on the universal harmony with a growl of discontent. The growl came from the boat and issued from the lips of Harold Austen. ‘ Beastly world, this !’ he said.

His companion raised himself on one elbow, looked across at the speakei', and, after another -pull at his cigarette, enquired laconically, 4 What’s up now ?’

They were two as fair specimens of the athletic English youth as you would meet in a day’s ioav. For the present they had donned their blazei's, but five minutes ago, when bending to the oars, the scanty attire approved for modern aquatics would have revealed arms that, from the Avrist upwards, were as fail* and Avh te as a woman s, but whose development of muscle was worthy of the mighty Vulcan himself. Receiving no immediate response to his query, Geoffrey Thellusson asked again, ‘What’s the row.’ ‘Oh, the same old row,’ grumbled Austen. ‘ The governox-’s on his usual tack “ Why don’t I marry and settle down 1” Lucky for you, old fellow, you are not a miserable, pei secuted heir to fifi een thousand a year.

Geoff laughed ‘ T have heard many a man sing out about the want of coin, but I never knew one make a grievance of a fortune before.’

‘ What’s the good of a fortune when it’s saddled with a big encumbrance V said Austen irritably. ‘ Mari’iage may be like mest troubles, worse in anticipation than in reality, suggested his friend. ‘ Marriage at the best is a leap in the dark,’ returned Harold, sententiously \ 1 does not the very service begin with “ dearly beloved ” and end with “ amazement ?” ’ He rose, and stretching his long limbs stood in the boat with his hands clasped at the back of his head. ‘ I wouldn’t mind if I could find some true woman,’ he began grandiloquently, ‘ but the girls of the present day— ’ ‘ Oh, stop, that rot, Hal,’ cried his friend. ‘ W"o’ve heard so much of it. The girls of the present day are quite good enough, and often a deuced sight too good, for the fin-de-siecle young man.’

Hal paid no heed to this interruption. .. , . .. ‘lf I could find some unsophisticated innocent girl, who had a soul above chiffons, and scandal, and latter day literature —no offence to you, Geoff. By the Avay, where do you find the originals for the angelic

creations in your novels ? Are they all evolved-solely and simply from the meshes of your brain V Geoff Thellusson hated any allusion to what he called shop. ‘Oh ! drawn from life, mostly,’ he said gruffly. 4 A little bit of one and a little bit of another.’

‘Exactly,’ replied Hal, ‘and that’s just what I should like in a Avife, a little bit of one and a little bit of another. But not being an inhabitant of the Salt Lake City, I don’t sec lioav I am to attain my desire.’ Geoff laughed in spite of his irritation, and said, ‘ Go doAvn into the wilds of the country and seek your modest, retiring violet there.’ ‘And what should I find 7 Pert misses who are indifferent copies of the fashion-plates, aping the bad manners and vulgai’ity of society. No, old boy, the country is a shade worse than the town, because the surface polish lacks a master hand to lay it on. As I said before, Geoff, jrnu’re a lucky chap.’

‘ You are the first to find it out then. In what does my especial luck consist —my poverty ?’ * Yes, your poverty has obliged you to use your brains. Mine are simply rusting.’ ‘ That’s your own fault.’ ‘ I call it my misfortune. You are not the natural prey of hostesses, who seize me almost by the scruff of the neck, and drag me off, willy-nilly, to be presented to that charming Miss Brown, or that delightful Miss Smith. You can choose your partners for yourself.’

‘You forget that Avhere I am concerned partners are, as a rule, Avarned off.’

‘Another piece of luck. Woman always hanker after forbidden fruit. Confound it all, man alive, if you contemplate proposing to a girl, you don’t feel a hideous certainty "that she Avill accept you whether she cares a hang for you or not, because she is thinking of that cursed “ fifteen thou.” I A-erily believe that if I could meet a woman I was morally certain had no knowledge of my father’s rent roll, I ivould pop the question to-morrow. Hullo ! What’s that ?’ ‘ That,’ to an attentive ear, proved to be an altercation carx-ied on in two feminine voices. ‘ Pull you right hand, Rosie ! We shall be into the bank in a moment.’ ‘ But, Nancy, we are almost on to the stones. T* begged you to keep to the liver, but you are always so selfwilled.’ ’ r ‘ Rosie!’ in a prolonged shriek ; ‘ you’ll upset us, if you wobble the boat about like that. Do be careful. There uoav 1 Ave are aground. I told you how it would be.’ ‘Beauty in distress,’ cried Harold. ‘ As good men and true, Ave are bound to see this out. Let us pull round the bend of the l-iver yonder, and see what’s the matter.’

A few vigorous strokes soon brought them to the scene of the disaster-. They found two girls with anxious faces, standing in a boat whi'-h they weL-e vainly endeavouring, Avitli the aid of their oars, to push over the shallows. Harold doffed his cap.

‘I am afraid you will damage your boat if you do that,’ he said. ‘We will pull” alongside, and if you will step in here that would lighten her a bit, and we might tow her over.’ Geoff, sitting in the stern, looked gravely on, but said never a woi’d. ‘I am afx-aid,’ said one of the distressed damsels, ‘ that we have knocked a hole in her already. The water is coming in. Oh, Rosie, however shall we get home ?’ ‘ Pray don’t alarm yourself,’ said Harold, reassuringly. • My friend and I can easily stop that little leak ; and if you will honour us by making use of our boat, Ave will take this one in tow and convey you home in safety.’ * Oh, thank you so much,’ said the girl; ‘ but do you think it would hold us all ? The boat looks—rather— ’

‘ A tight fit for four, you think ? Well, rather than cause you any alarm, Geoff and I will take turns at it to tow.’ Thellusson, who had been gazing with a puzzled expression at the young lady who rejoiced in the name of Nancy, suddenly Avoke up to a sense of duty. They pulled into the bank, and made the necessary alterations for tovviug, and somehow, by tacit agreement, it seemed to be arranged that Harold should sit with the ladies and steer, while Geoff jstumped, silent and solitary, along the towing path. Once lie looked over his shoulder and smiled. 4 Hal has found his un-

sophisticated beauty at last,’ he said to himself, 4 and seems to be going the pace. ShaU I spoil sport at once or let him go on 1 Let him go on, T think. A little of the conceit in his own powers of discernment might be knocked out of him Avith advantage.’ After landing, the two young men escorted the ladies to their home, which proved to be an idyllic cottage ornee, Avhose prosaic walls ivere completely \ r eiled from sight by climbing roses and jasmine. Beyond the gates of this' paradise, hoAvever, they Avere not permitted to intrude. ‘ My mother is a great invalid,’ said Nancy, in answer to the longing, lingering gaze which Hal endeavoured to soften her heart. ‘ She has a nervous dread of strangers, so you must forgive my seeming want of hospitality.’ ‘ You will be on the river again ?’ he said, pleadingly, as he held her taper fingers in his strong clasp.’ ‘ Perhaps some evening. ’ ‘ Not in the morning V ‘Oh, no, not in the morning. We are busy just now, are we not, Rosie V And she looked laughingly at her companion, who Avas too much occupied in making her adieux to Geoff Thellusson to vouchsafe any reply. ‘ Busy !’ Hal echoed. * What can you do to kill time in a quiet place like this !’ ‘Ah ! that is suclr a mistake—killing time. His ghost rises up to confound you at every turn, and makes your life wretched and Avell-merited self-reproach. Never try to kill time. Rather enjoy to the full every hour, every minute, of his existence.’ ‘By Jove !' exclaimed Harold. ‘ls that how a country life makes you feel? I shouldn’t mind trying it, then, myself.’

‘ A country life ?’ tier eyes were dancing with fun. ‘ Oh, yss, of course. Can any life be so pure, so happy, so fraught Avith innocent pleasures that never Avill pall or weary ? But my mother is expecting me, Mr ’ The interrogative arch of the pencilled broAvs was simply entrancing. ‘Austen. Harold Austen,’he said hastily. ‘Good-bye, Mr Austen.’ ‘ Don’t say good-bye, say au revoir.’ 4 Oh, no, I cannot. That must be left to chance—or you.’

The last two Avords Avere uttered in a soft whispei, and without even another glance she was gone. Hal walked by Geoffrey’s side in silence for some moments, then he burst out, ‘ She’s glorious ! She’s divine!’ Geoff was engaged in rolling up a cigarette. *No doubt, she’s all that,’ he said, as he fastened the paper. ‘ What’s her name?’ ‘Nancy,’ returned Hal, ecstatically. ‘ And Avhat a truly rural name. A wild flower. A Avhat’s-a-name born to hide its something head and blush unseen. Isn’t there some poetry like that, somewhere V ‘ I’m not acquainted with it,’ said Geoff. ‘ Perhaps it’s culled from a little thing of your oavii. We all have our moments of mental aberration.’' ‘ So gentle, so refined, so lovely, and ivithal so thoroughly unsophiscated,’ rhapsodised Hal. Geoff struck a match and lit his cigarette. ‘ Oh, yes,’ he assented; ‘so utterly unsophisticated.’ Harold turned sharply and looked at his friend’s profile, but there was nothing in Geoff immovable features to indicate that he Avas speaking ironically.

It followed, after this, that the quartette spent most evenings on the river, and Harold manoeuvred so successfully that it became an understood thing that the two couples Avere to pair off in separate boats, Geoff Thellusson sculling Miss Rosie about, Avliile Harold enjoyed, undisturbed, the society of the lovely Nancy. One moonlight night after the cavaliers had escorted the fair ladies home to their bower of roses, Harold became confidential and unburdened his mind to his fidus Achates.

‘ I couldn’t stand the suspense any longer, old fellow,’ he said. ‘ I popped the qustion to-night. ’ ‘ The deuce you did !’ exclaimed Goff. ‘ To the unsophisticated country maiden do you mean ?’ ‘To Miss Nancy Bellew,’ replied Harold somewhat stiffly. ‘ And she has said no ?’ asked Geofl. ‘She has said “Yes?”’ returned Harold proudly. f By Jove !’ ejaculated Geoff slowly.

PTarold stared open-mouthed at him. ‘ You are complimentary, I must say,’ he remarked at length. * Did you mention the fifteen thou. 1> enquired Geoffrey. ‘ Why should I ? She is not mercenary.’

‘ Isn’t she ? Well I heard that she that all women are mercenary, more or less, don’t you knoiv ? Well, what are you going to do next ?’ ‘ Why, Avrite to the pater and tell him I’m quite ready to fulfil his wishes and present him with a daughter.’

Geoff whistled a few bars from a popular opera, then he said, * Look here, Hal. Don’t rush at the thing blindfold. Give yourself time to think. Wait till Sunday before you Avrite to the old man.’

‘ Why the dickens Sunday ?’ asked Hal, in surprise. ‘Well, what I mean is this, we’ve got to go up to town to-morrow — Avait till Ave come back.’ ‘ Oh, hang town ! I hate the town. Give mo the trees, and the fields, and the birds ’

‘ And the bats, and the beetles, and those confounded stinging fiies,’ put in Geoff, as he brushed one off his nose ‘ Besides, the unsophisticated one—l mean Miss Nancy Bellew—won’t be here on Saturday evening I told her I had to review the new piece at the Cosmopolitan Theatre on Saturday night, and she said she’d be there, too.’ ‘ No, did she V cried Harold, ‘ then you may reckon on me. It’s odd she never mentioned it to me. Never mind, I’il give my lady a surprise.’

It is Saturday night, and Harold Austen and Geoff Thellusson are seated in the stalls at the Cosmopolitan. They have arrived early, having been requested with the rest of the British public, through the medium of the daily papers, to be in their place prior to the rising of the curtain. The house was rapidly filling up. * Going to be a big crush,’ said Harold, avlio had been ceaselessly scanning the tiers of boxes in search of the charming Nancy. ‘ Beastly nuisance. I can’t see her anywhere, Geoff.’

4 Oh, she’ll be here presently,’ said Geoff. ‘Don’t excite yourself.’ ‘ How refreshingly shy and modest she’ll look among this lot,’ said Hal, complacently. * Oh, I don’t know. Evening undress puts women \-ery much on a le\-el. I daresay she’ll look pretty much like all the rest.’

‘ Hang it, there’s the overture commencing, and 1 don’t believe there is a vacant seat in the house,’ said Hal, and he turned disconsolately to his programme. ‘ You know more about this thing than I do, Geoff,’ he continued, ‘ what sort of cast is it ?’ ‘ Oh, tip top. Picked for the occasion.’ ‘ Who plays the heroine ? I hope she’s decent-looking. I can’t stand plain girls on the stage at any price.’ ‘Oh, she’s not so bad. They say she’s had two husbands. Divorced them both, and left the court Avithou t a stain on her character, and is now contemplating accepting a third of mature years, the Jewish faith, and fabulous means. The diamonds he lays at her dainty feet are, 1 believe, worth a king’s ransom. I daresay you’ll see them. So we may safely conclude from all this that she is both attractive and —clever.’

Could he believe his eyes, or was he raving, staring mad ? Could that elegant woman whose decollett6 shoulders were loaded with gems be his innocent Nancy ? Was that arch coquette, who gazed Avith such assured self-possession round the house, in all truth his unsophisticated country maiden ? He turned hastily to the programme. In large type he saw Miss Anabel Bellair. Anabel—Nancy ! The idol of his dreams a divorced Avife and the bride elect of a third husband, an elderly Jew. He drew a breath of relief when the curtain fell at the end of the first act, and rose hastily. ‘ 1 am going to cut this,’ he said to Geoff. ‘ Better see it out.’ ‘ I’ve seen enough, Sha has made a fool of me,’ he muttered, as he pushed his Avay past the crowded seats. The following Sunday Harold Austen pulled his outrigger alongside the miniature lawn that sloped from Nancy’s cottage down to the river. He sprang out and joined her, where she was sitting under a silvery willow tree, looking, in her soft white gown and broad hat, the very personification of sweet simplicity.

‘ Oh, Avhat a long face,’ she said gaily, as she gave him her hand. ‘Any had news?’ ‘ The worst,’ he returned gloomily. ‘ I was at the Cosmopolitan last light. Nancy, Avhy did you deceive me V *ln what Avay V she asked, rising, with a touch of hauteur.

‘ By making me think that you were leading a quiet country life, instead of Avhich .’ And Harold turned aside his head and groaned. ‘ Excuse me, I nei'er deceived you. You deceived yourself. Rosie Meadows and 1 came down here for perfect quietness that we might study muparts in the new piece. The acquaintance was none of our seeking.’ ‘ I thought I had discovered a fair white li’y, unspotted by contact with the rude world.’

‘ I am A T ery sorry that you are disappointed, but really I am not responsible for your rather high floAvn thoughts.’

‘ You said that you ideal was a simple, pure existence, far from the whirl and excitement of society.’ ‘ So it may be ; but, alas, how few of us can ever hope to realise our ideal ?’ ‘ What is to be done ?’ he asked, desperately. ‘ Dene ?’ ‘ Will you release me from my promise ? My father— ’ She interrupted him Avith a peal of silvery laughter. ‘ Oh ! is that what is troubling you ? My poor boy, you have no need to frighten me Avith visions ot an irate parent. I have no intention of holding you to your word, I assure you. I knew you would soon repent your rash impetuosity, and, for my own part, it was such a new sensation for me to be made love to by someone who did not know that I was the celebrated Miss Anabel Bellair, that I could not resist playing the little comedy out to the end. Good-bye. But next time yon. are on matrimonial thoughts intent, look before you leap, or you may not escape so essily.’

As Harold took his departure he felt painfully aware that he had never in all his life looked less like a hero.