QUIPS AND CRANKS.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 956, 27 June 1890, Page 6

QUIPS AND CRANKS.

HOW TO CATCH FISH. ‘ Boy, how much do you want for that string of fish ? ’ asked an amateur fisherman on his way home from a day’s sport. The boy named his price. • All right; there’s your money. Now just throw the fish,’ and he dexterously caught them. , , , « Talk about catching fish ! he said, as he pursued his way. IN THE HUB. Hub mother (shouting down stairs) —Minerva, are you coming to bed ? Hub daughter—Let mo have another halfhour with Robert, ma. H t M. Another half hour with Robert. Goodness gracious 1 Have you a man in the house ? „ . H. D.—The idea 1 I’m reacting Browning. TWO STRINGS TO HIS BOW. ‘No, William,’ she said, coldly, with a sidelong glance to note the effect of her words, ‘ I cannot be your wife. You smoke and sometimes drink. I have registered a vow not to marry a man who had either of these vices.’ , , , , ‘All right, Maria,’ was the humble reply. ‘ And now you will please aslc your younger sister Lulu to come down stairs a moment. She said when she kissed me good-by last night, that she would gladly have me if you refused.’ STUDIES IN REPARTEE. She : * How silent you are 1 What are you thinking of ?’ He : ‘ Nothing !’ She : ‘ Egotist I’—Punch. FRESH TO THE COUNTRY. Young Lady : ‘ Can you tell me where the meet is ?’ ' . ~ , Butcher’s Boy (a recent importation from London) : ‘ Yes, mum. I jist took it hup to the ’all this mornin’ !’—Punch. A PROPER COMPENSATION. Two Harvard youths, making a pedestrian tour in the Scottish Highlands, were in the habit of stopping at small farmhouses and asking for milk, the charge for which was invariably a penny a glass. Calling one Sunday at a romantic-looking cottage in beautiful Glen Nevis, they were sourly received by the cotter s wife ; and though the milk was supplied, the proffered twopence was refused, with a solemn admonition as to the impropriety of such doings on such a day. The collegians were turning away with a courteous word of thankß, when-the woman made her meaning clear. «Na, ha ?’ she cried ; ‘ I’ll no’ tak’ less than saxpence for br’akin’ the Sawbath ! Harper’s Magazine.