The Arizona Kicker.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 934, 24 January 1890, Page 9

The Arizona Kicker.

AN EDITOR’S EXPERIENCES WITH HUMAN NATURE. We extract the following from the last issue of The Arizona Kicker : We; Are Left. For the past four weeks our friends have been eagerly pressing us to take the nomination for Mayor on the people’s ticket. We do not crave office, and are a very busy man, but the pressure became so great we had to give in. Last Tuesday evening the city caucus was held, and instead of being, nominated for Mayor we received only three votes out of upwards of sixty cast. Our friends were mistaken when they insisted that we were wanted. Instead of being the unanimons ohoice of the patriotic people, we had the pleasure of seeing Jerry Baxter, the meanest man in town, given the nomination. Oh, well, that’s human nature right through, and an editor fool enough to goiuto poLitics deserves to be driven head first into the tan-barks a,s we were. We have a word to say, however, The Kicker will not only bolt every candidate on the ticket, but we guarantee to have nine-tentha of the nominees in prison before they are a month older. Veni cum granis ! which is Latin for saying : —Don’t monkey with a newspaper man. A Base Falsehood.—We have ascertained that it was Colonel Kehoe who started the story that we had the proprietor of the Red Star Saloon lyuched by a mob last week in order to avoid paying him a liquor bdl of §lB. We encountered the Colonel in Davis’ livery barn yesterday, grabbed him by the throat and backed him against the heel 3 of a stage mule, and between ua and the mule the colonel received a drubbing which will last him a lifetime. He acknowledged that he was a liar, slanderer, and thief, and that his course towards us was actuated by personal spite. At that very moment he had on our second-best undershirt, our Sunday necktie, and the pantaloons that we never wear except on holidays, and was in debt to ns for many other favours. As to the lynching we suggested it because Tim O’Niel, the victim, had fallen into the habit of killing a man about seven times a week, and there was every reason to believe that the coroner was standing in with him on the fee 3. We should have suggested stretching the coroner’s neck a little at the same time, but as he brought us in a club of thirteen subscribers.we didn’t think it would look exactly right. Have Cot a Few. A correspondent inquiries if The Kieker has any libel suits on hand, as the result of its independent and outspoken course. Well, yes, it has a few —about four dozen, we believe, but we are

not troubling any. They have all been instituted by second-class ducks, who haven’t any character to be damaged, and the whole batch will probably be thrown out of court in a lump some day. In the beginning of our career a libel suit used to give us the colic for three days and three nights, and we d wake up from a troubled sleep to find our cheeks wet with tears, but we soon got Bunburued. Indeed, we rather prefer to see them come, it looks like business. Might Have Been the Professor. Ever since we t-iok possession of our office on Sioux avenue certain people have taken a malicious delight in heaving rocks at the doors and through the windows at midnight. We put up with it the first six months because we were afraid, and the next six because we liked to see people enjoy themselves. Then we warned the people to let up or somebody would get hurt. Last Wednesday night a rock weighiug three pounds came through a window and barely missed our head as we lay sleeping o.n our cot. As we got to the door with a shot-gun some one could b» seen making off over the common towards Elkins’ Saloon. We drew on him and pulled trigger, and something uttered a yell. Yesterday the body of Prof. Jenkins was found in the sagebrush about . two miles from town, and it was plain that he had died of a dose of buckshot in the back. Just as likely as not he was the chap we fired at in the darkness. We didn’t owe him any particular grudge, and we didn’t know that he did us, and we are willing to foot half the burial expenses at a venture.