QUIPS AND CRANKS.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 933, 17 January 1890, Page 6

QUIPS AND CRANKS.

“• Papa, Fido ate both of your slippers up to-day.” “He did, did he?- What did you do ?” “ I didn’t do anything j but I thought that if you wanted to whip Fido I’d lend you my Blipper,” Bobby (at the tabje)—-Ma, cbuok mo a piece of bread. Mother (shocked) —Bobby, is that the way to ask for bread ? Bobby mo a piece of bread,, please. Boy-—Mamma, am I made out of onions, sage, sorrel, and bread crumbs? Mamma— Mercy, no ! What do you mean ? Boy ~ Johnny Jone 3 said ha was going to knock tha stuffing out of ine. Mr. Grumpy (of Hoboken) —Mary Jaue,! Miss Grumpy—Yes, Papa. Mr. G.—Just ask that young man from the west if he isn’t running his watch on the Chicago time. It was eleven o’clock here an ho\\r ago.—The Tribune. When the late Professor Proctor was an English school examiner he one day asked a little girl to tell him the difference between a man and a brute. She said—“■ \ brute is an imperfect beast. Man is a perfect beast.” Passenger (who has been waiting for two hours for the train) —I say, boy, what graveyard is that over there? Boy—Well, that graveyard belongs to the company, an’ every, body what’s buried has died while waiting for a train. Barber—Close shave, sir ? Digsby (thinking of something far different)-T-You bet it was. I had hardly dodged the old man’s foot when the dog made a spring for me, and if I hadn’t—rO, excuse nge. No, just go over it onoe. Willis—l am, sorry that your wife opened that business letter I sent you, Harris. Yon told me that she never opened your letters. Harris—She doesn’t as a rule, Willis ; but you see you made a great mistake to mark it “ Private.” Miss Gushley—l so often see some one spokeQ of as being beautiful as a poet’s dream. Do you poets have more beautiful dreams than we common mortals : Mr A. Tennyson Fizzle—l hardly know. I generally dream of porterhouse steaks, fried chickens, and that sort of thing. Adam (to Eve) —So this is Brighton, one of the noted bathing places of our descendants ? Evß—Yes love, let’s look around see what they wear. Adam and Eve (simultaneously, ofter a short distribute a few. of our fig leaves among the poor people, ' Magistrate (to prisoner), —You say, Uncle. Rastus, that you took the hani because, yon are out of work and your fam,ily are. starving* And yet I updarstand you have fuur dog<j about the house. Uncle sab* but I wouldn’t ask my family fc' eat dogs.yo* hrinah, "