QUIPS AND CRANKS.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 915, 13 September 1889, Page 7

QUIPS AND CRANKS.

HOW TO GET ON IN THE HOUSE. That was a capital story which Mr Labouchere told the other ctay in Truth. * How will a member of .Parliament quickest get a reputation for character ?’ someone asked him. *My dear sir,’ he replied, * nothing is easier. Always ‘ hum ’ and 4 haw ’ and *er ; always take a long time in choosing your words, and always choose the wrong ones. You will be put down immediately as the possessor of ‘ sterling moral worth ’ and ‘ rugged honesty,’ ”

THE FORCE OF ASSOCIATION. Teaoher —What do we get from the cow ? Pupils—Milk. Teacher—And what do we get from the ox ? Pupils (in chorus) —Beef. Very Small Pupil (inspired by thoughts of dinner) —An’ pickles !

COURTSHIP BY ADVERTISEMENT. Some of the inconveniences attending communication by agony column are exemplified in the following advertisements collected from the Standard during the past three days Tuesday—'M. W. to A. H.—Cannot rest till assured of my one treasure’s happiness in the true sense. How I regret the cruel repulse. You could never forfeit my love, seeing I love and honour you, my peerless one, beyond expression. Come. —M.W.’ Wednesday— 4 M. VV. to A.H. —Do these initials strictly typify the individuals referred to in the advertisement signed “M. W.’ ? If not, who is “M. W.’ ? Advertiser itot “A.H.” ’ .

To-day— 4 A.H. to M.W. —If you are the R.H.W., I do love you truly and would come. Not knowing your address cannot do so.—A.H.M.' And there for the present the matter rests. Bat things seem to have been a good deal mixed.—Globe.

A PASSIONATE POETESS. Miss Amfflie Rives has again been dropping into poetry. To the Washington Critic she contributes a ‘ pome’ called * An Autumn Dream.’ The following chaste quatrain appears to have been written under moonshine inspiration in the passionate-poetess country where harvests are reaped in: midwinter : The naked hills lie wanton to the breeze, The fields are nude, th»e groves unfrocked, Bare are the shivering lim-hs of shameless trees ; What wonder is it that; the corn is shocked ! Naughty Miss Rives !—St. ,J ames’ Gazette.