QUIPS AND CRANKS.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 914, 6 September 1889, Page 6

QUIPS AND CRANKS.

THE RUSSIAN PEASANT AND THE SPEAKING HORSE. Have you ever heard a vent'iloquist ? You know that he has a knack of disguising his voice and making it appear to come from allsorts of places. A gentleman who possessed this gift was once travelling in Russia, and turned it to. very good acoount. He noticed that the driver of the post cart was cruel fo bis horse. Knowing that Russian peasants are mostly ignorant and superstitions, he resolved to punish this driver in a way'that would impress him. The next time the cart stopped, the driver began to yell at the poor beast most abusively, when, lo and behold ! the animal seemed to open its mouth and accuse the man of cheating it of its corn, and of beating it to make it go at a speed above its strength ! The effect of the ventriloquist’s trick was miraculous. The driver went down on his knees before the horse, begged its pardon and promised to treat it better in future.—Little Folks. HE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN. Two young Africans were one day fishing from a wharf, when one of them fell, into the water and was drowned. The survivor’s grief was so uproarious that a bystander inquired if the drowned boy was a a relation ‘ No,’ said he, through his tears, ‘he warn’t no relation, but he rnout’s well been—he had all de bait.’ TRUSTWORTHY AUTHORITY. Host—Michael, didn’t I tell you to decant the best claret? Michael—You did, sorr. Host—But this isn’t the best. Michael— No, sorr; but it’s the best you’ve got.— Punch. FELINE AMENITIES. Proud Mother (piqued that her child’s advances meet with no response from fair stranger)—Why, baby, that’s not your grandma. —Punch. SCIENTIFIC ACCURACY. ‘ But why do you want to marry her 1’ ‘Because I love her.’ ‘My dear fellow, that’s an excuse —not a reason.’ —Bunch.