QUIPS AND CRANKS.
A SPECIAL COMMISSION. ‘ Yon see, it got about that Mick Casey had written to his landlord offerin’ to pay his rint. And, bedad, it’s boycotted he was infcoirely. Shure, the very pigs turrned up their snouts and sneered at him. Aud the bhoys thought it only fair to investigate the matther, so they appointed a special commission at M’Oarty’s shebeen to hould an inquoiry, and elected three dacent bhoys as judges. Shure, they made Pat Doolan the Prisident because he had borrowed the loan of Mrs M’Carty’s wig. They had sorra a book in the house, so they swore the witnesses wid the draughts-board. Little Andy Magee appeared for Casey, and says he, “ Do yez mane to say Mick wrote that ? Shure, ye spalpane, it’s yoursilf knows he can’t wroite at all at all.’ ‘ Faix, thin,’ says Mulligan, for the other side, ‘ if he can’t wroite, no one’s ever seen his haudwroitin’, and ye can’t swear that isn’t it.’ Bedad, it was an lllegaut point of law, and led to an instructive discussion betwixt ’em, till the Prisident disqualified Andy, in the third round for chewing off Mulligan’s ear, and committed him for contempt of court. But some of the bhoys took his part, and swore by this and that he should go free, and when Mulligan rose to spake, begorra, they flung the foire grate at him and laid him out. Then the Commissioners troid to clear the court. Shure, the divils-fought wid the bottles and chair.legs/till they burrst the flnre through,
and the roof fell on ’em. Och, thin !it was beautiful ruction. But, afther all, Mick Casey found himself as well off as he was before the inquoiry.’—Fun.
A SELL. Professor (routed violent ringing in dead tif night)—Well, whdt is it; What’fl the matter ? Student—Dne of your windows ia open; Professor— Which dne ? Student —The one you are lodking out df.
THE AMENITIES OF THE TRAM-OAR. Thin Old Man (cramped and cross) —This car ought to charge by weight. Stout Old Woman (regarding him contemptuously)—lf they did, they’d never stop to pick you up-
Permanent link to this item
https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/NZMAIL18890719.2.16
Bibliographic details
New Zealand Mail, Issue 907, 19 July 1889, Page 6
Word Count
350QUIPS AND CRANKS. New Zealand Mail, Issue 907, 19 July 1889, Page 6
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