QUIPS AND CRANKS.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 880, 11 January 1889, Page 7

QUIPS AND CRANKS.

Crushed Again.—Envious Young Man (speaking of favoured rival): 1 Yes, George is clever and handsome, but ire is so confoundedly conceited.’ Sharp Young Lady : ‘But, Mr Smith, it you were handsome and clever, would not you be conceited f (Collapse of Smith.) A Meek Mistress.—' How does the new girl strike you ?’ asked a Chicago citizen at dinner lately. ‘She hasn’t struck me yet,’ answered his wife, meekly. ‘ But she has done almost everything else.’ Diagnosis.—Cabman (insolently, on reoeiving his right fare): ‘ Wha’s this ere for V Fare (promptly): ‘Well, I should say "for drink if you ask me—by the look of you V —Punch. *Will you be mine, darling ?’ he asked, after a year’s courting. ‘No, it can never Jae,’ was her reply ‘ Then why have you let me hope so long ?’ he said as he went towards ithe door. * Because I intend never to be. long to any man. You can be mine if you like.’ He saw the difference, and stopped. Years afterwards he Baw the difference still jnore clearly. Lord Galloway was an enemy to the Bute Administration. At the change of the Ministry he came to London for the first time in George lll.’s reign. He waß dressed in black, In a very uncourtly style. When ixe appeared at the Levee, the eyes of the company were turned on him ; and George Selywn, being asked who he was, replied, A Sootch undertaker, come to b.ury the last Adminlitratlon.’ i -Why don’t yon get insured for the bene, fit of yonr wife ? You love her, I presume ?’

‘Love her ? Yes, sir ; I love her better than my life. And that’s just the reason I don’t insure my life. I don’t value it a straw in comparison with my dear wife. So I’ve taken out a policy on her life.’ ‘Payable to yourself ?’ ‘ Certainly. A man insures what he values most. And if she should die wouldn’t I be the loser ?’—Boston Transcript. A Precaution.—Counsel for the defence (to his wife): *My dear, I want you to lock up everything that is movable in our house. ’ * Why so ?’ Counsel : ‘ The thief who was acquitted this morning without a stain on his character, owing to my brilliant defence, is coming this afternoon to thank me.’