QUIPS AND CRANKS.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 867, 12 October 1888, Page 7

QUIPS AND CRANKS.

An ‘lnspectre.’—(Scene: A Suffolk village school. Government inspector examining a class on the subject of the Witch of Endor and Samuel’s ghost.) Government Inspector : ‘ Well, boys, what did the witch of Endor think she saw?’ (Pause.) First Boy: ‘ Plaze, sur, thatwur an appurition.’ Government Inspector : Quite right ; but what is an apparition ?’ (Longer pause.) Second Boy : ‘ Plaze, sur, that be a spactur !’ Government Inspector : ‘ Yes, yes, quite right again, so far, but what’s a spectre (Prolonged pause.) Bright Boy (in a wild falsetto) : ‘-Plaze, sur, that be a gentleman a 3 goo about examinin’ scules.’—Fan.

The worst of being too Fanny.—Cheekstone (who is of a decidedly humorous turn): ‘ I say, old man, that was a stuok-up set of prigs at old Brown’s last night ! By Jove, though. I did manage to score off them a .bit, eh ?’ Host (his fervent admirer) : ‘I .believe you, my boy ! They all said what a beastly little cad you were, when you’d gone. And if you’d have stopped five minutes later, you'd have had a regular triumph—for Old Brown was going to kick you down Btairs !’ —Punch.

Socrates, seeing a scolding wife who had hanged herself upon an olive tree, exclaimed, ‘Oh! that all trees would bear such fruit !’

First Coachman (with importance)— ‘ And your people drives a pair, too ?’ Second ditto (stiffly);—‘No; one hoss only. But we keeps a governess.’ Johnnie at his reading lesson comeß to the word ‘corrode.’ ‘Corrode, to eat .away. I say, mamma, didn’t I corrode at that jam pudding to-day ?’ In a country news-room the following notice was written over the chimney : —‘ Gentlemen learning to spell are requested to use yesterday’s paper!’ . Maurice of Saxony died at 32, conceded to have been one of the profoundest statesmen and one of the ablest generals which Christendom had seen.