QUIPS AND CRANKS.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 849, 8 June 1888, Page 7

QUIPS AND CRANKS.

Donald and the Pastor. —Donald meets his pastor, who remonstrates with him upon the subject of his intemperate habits. ‘•You are too fond of whisky, Donald ; you ought to know very well that whisky is your enemy.’ ‘But, minister, have you not often told us that we ought to love our enemies ?’ says Donald, slyly. ‘Yes, Donald; but I never told you that you should swallow them,’ replies the pastor. —Max O’ilell’s 1 Friend MacDonald.’ Serjeant Ballantine and the Butler. Serjeant Ballantine went to dine with an acquaintance of his whose position in society was not too long assured. The butler asked the learned Serjeant whom he should announce. 1 Serjeant Ballantine, please. Whereupon the door was Hung open, and the servant announced * Captain Bannatine, informing the guest in an aside, ‘We never have serjeants here.’ —Vanity Fair. A clergyman, big in brain but Binall' in body, married a fine stalwart widow. His oongregation now alludes to him as * the widow’s mite. ‘ You are weak,’ said a widow to her son when he remonstrated against her marrying again. ‘I know it,’he replied; ‘I am so weak that I can’t go a step-father.’ Private (arm in arm with his sweetheart, meets his Serjeant in. the garden of a restaurant) - Serjeant, my sister. Serjeant—l know ; she was mine once.—Eberswalder Zeitung. Walking down St. James street, Lord Chelmsford was accosted by a stranger, who exclaimed, ‘Mr Birch, I believe?' ‘ If you believe that you’ll believe anything,’ replied the ex-Chancellor as he passed on. Leader (of little German band) —A few pennies, madam, for dot music. Woman (at window) Ain’t got nothing for you. Leader (indignantly)—Vat’s dot? Veu you don’t give a few pennies ve blay some more. A possible tenant inspects a cottage to rent, and inquires about the quality of the air. ‘The air !’ cries the landlord, * the air is wonderful. One becomes a centenarian quiolcer here than anywhere else.—French Fun. Experienced Dry Goods Clerk.—Ladies, have you seen this pattern elsewhere ? Ladies —No ;we came to you first of all. E.d.g.c. —Then you will pardon me if I decline to show it to you ; for if you have just begun shopping you will not buy here. —Fligende Blatter.