QUIPS AND CRANKS.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 780, 11 February 1887, Page 6

QUIPS AND CRANKS.

We presume Cain’s father-in-law was an Nod fellow, as he got his wife from the land of Nod. , , . , ‘I aim to tell the truth.’ ‘Yes,’ interrupted an acquaintance, ‘ but you are a very bad shot.’ , , ‘ What is a-foot now ?’ asked an acquaintance of a reporter who was rushing for the office. * Twelve inches still,’ said the scribe, as he shot out of sight. . A home missionary was asked the cause of his poverty. ' Principally,’ said he, with a twinkle in his eye, * because I have so often preached without notes.’ An elder congratulated a pastor on^ the salubrious air he was living in. ‘.^ es » ® naively replied, ‘ if I could live on it as well as in it, my lot would be a happy one. * Why is it,’ asked Mme. Z. one day, that you don’t get married?’ 'lmpossible, my dear madam.’ responded X. ‘I have such a horror of divorce.’ —French wit. The conductor exclaimed angrily : Here ! don’t do that. You’re ringing the bell at both ends of the car.’ ‘ That s all right., Bedad, an’ I want both ends of the car to Sh ‘ C Whafc did the Puritans come to this country for ?’ asked a Massachusetts teacher of his class. *To worship in their own way, and make other people do the same, was the rep ru j e £ n m y church,’ said one clergyman to another, ‘ for the sexton to wake up any man that he may see le ®P‘l think,’ returned the other, that it would be much better for the sexton whenever any man goes to sleep under your nreaching, to wake you up. P It is related that once when Henry Russell whose singing of his own descriptive songs, • The Lifeboat,’ ‘ The Newfoundland Dog,’ and others, is remembered by many New Yorkers, was singing the latter song in an English town, a man called out > the child saved, man ?’ He was assured that the child was saved, and at that asked more earnestly, ‘ Canst thou get me a pup ? A piece of land was sold in the city ot London the other day at the rate of 10 000,OOOdols per acre ; and yet there are people who, if they got even a of that real estate in their soup, would kick like a college football team.-Yonkers Statesman A voung gentleman recently solved the conundrum, ‘ What’s in a name ? He presented a cheque with another fellow s name attached at the bank, and judge answered the question with Five years m said to be a man in France who can render himself insensible to feeling at will. There are a great many such men in this country, as anybody who has ® ve £ bad the misfortune to engineer a suflseniption paper knows right well.— Burlington Free said an Arkansas judge one day, to the officer in charge of the jury, will you please inform the jury that there will be a horse race in Merrick’s pasture at 3 o clock. The jury had been out for forty-eight hours, but in less than thirty minutes they came * into court with a verdict.