QUIPS AND CRANKS.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 753, 6 August 1886, Page 6

QUIPS AND CRANKS.

NASBY ON THE LABOR GUESTIONI hate a capitalist, no matter how he becum one. I hate the meen-spirited, grovelin retch wich will work ten or more hours a day, deprivin hiself uv beer, an terbacker, and keerds, and bilyards, and h.os-racin, and sich, savin peny by peny till he has ground enuf out of the world to hev a shop of his own, and to employ other men to slave fur him, and thus go on akumulatin till he owns things. Such men are monopolists, and the enemies of labor, and grinders. I hold that the possession of a lOdol bill makes a monopolist, and al sich should be crushed. Ez havin a lOdol note makes a man a monopolist, his monopolism increases jist in proportion to the lOdol bils he hez. The owner uv a factory is a enemy to the human race, and ez for the man wich bilds a raleroad he Is a monster of such hidgus meen That to be hated needs but to be seen. My hatred of raleroad managers is intens. It commenst with the fust time I wuz droped off the hind platform uv a trane for not payin fare and hez increast with every repitishun uv the ofense, wich generally hapens every time I want to go anywher. I lothe the raleroad monopolist. A grindin monopolist is any man which hez anything. Whenever a man hez saved anything he becomes a capitalist, and ez capitalists ar dangerous to labor he shood be made to divide it up so ez to be on a ekalty with them wich never saved nothin. The mechanic or workingman wich saves so ez to own a kous or a farm becomes a capitalist, and consekently a grindin monopolist, and ez accumolashens ar dangerous to labor, wat he hez should be confisticated and divided up among U 3 wich hezn’t anything. Property is a crime. I ain’t jist shoor that I hev got the Socialistic doctrine down fine enuff, but I think these definishnns will do, espechly when yu howl em under a red flag to luvers of humanity wich is chuck full uv stale beer.

* Well, I thought Buffalo would be the last city in the country to develop prohibition principles,’ remarked Ebenezer Jones. * So should I,’ assented Zebedee Smith. ‘ What has been done in the temperance line in Buffalo ?’ * Why a man has sued his tailor for making a pair of trousers tight.’—Pittsburg Chronicle. The following story comes from India : A n English officer of a particularly short temper had an interview lately with a petty Indian Prince, who from the first assumed an air of superiority which nettled the Englishman. At last, as the interpreter continued

to report remarks of the rajah’s which, to say the least, were not wholly complimentary to England, the officer could stand it no longer, but raising his hand quickly he gave the interpreter a sound smack in the face. * There,’ he cried, turning on his heel, ‘just translate that to the rajah, will you?' And the interview closed abruptly.