Round the Corners.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 545, 15 July 1882, Page 13

Round the Corners.

So the chief engineers are to have an inniDgs, are they ? Hitherto, the captains have had it all their own way. The testimonial business has always been played into their hands. Those smart steamers, the Hooker and Crooker, find themselves cheek by jowl, and straightway a race ensues the Hooker draws ahead, to the frantic delight of everybody on board her. Result: purse of so vs., or something of the kind, from grateful passengers to the skipper. ' It is needless, for he is so well known, to mention the name of one son of the salt seas who almost exists on testimonials. He fairly bristles with ’em. And other skippers have had a share, but engineers never, or seldom. Now, however, they are to get an innings. Their turn has come at last, as witness the late little affair between the steamers Hawea and Hinemoa. They met, and the cry on board of each was, take it out of the tother, and then the coals were shovelled into the furnaces, and each engineer, begrimed and sweaty, his eye full of the derringeat of doos, sat upon the safety valves. Stop though, no he didn’t, simply because one of the blessed things was under Government lock and key, and the only effect of sitting on the other would have been to have made a lot of steam escape by the former. In that case, then, the engineer had nothing to do with making the boat go faster. I maintain that an engineer in a race is a nonentity, unless he can sit upon a valve to keep the steam in, wave his hat, and cry, “let her rip or bust.’’ Under such circumstances he deserves a testimonial if he wins, in the form of involuntary elevation and a drop scene ; whilst if he loses, the chances

are there is "a bust up’’ and an end of it. But in the case of the Hawea, the engineer is clearly not entitled. He has no locus standi ; it was the stolcer3 who did the business ; they shovelled in the coal and kept the fires up, and to the chief of the stokers the testimonial should hare been given. It is not the captains and engineers, but the stokers who are entitled, and pray let this be borne in mind on future occasions when very careful steering enables one steamer to draw ahead of another. But, dear me, this brings me to the helmsmen, and by pushing conclusions a little further, I shall bs abls to demonstrate that every man Jack on board ought to be testimonialised. Therefore, perhaps it would be better to stop it altogether, and give nobody “ nufiin.”

The Joint Parliamentary Committee have sent in their report upon bankruptcy, and it seems to me that the result may be summed up in the sentence “As you were.” Truth to tell, the bankruptcy question may be likened to a sea of mud, into which no one seems inclined to plunge, but instead, walk gingerly about its margin, and leave the impress of a multitude of uncertain footsteps. And yet this mud depth, foul although it be, must be explored and exposed. It is increasing in expanse and profundity every year, and year by year engulfs in its insatiable recesses much of the common honesty and good faith that should have been left in active operation to salt society with. Anything more pernicious than the effect of the existing bankruptcy system can scarcely be imagined. It may be likened to insidious poison, permeating heuseholds, and slowly destroying every particle of honor and honesty contained therein. Or, like another serpent tempting men, and women too, to pluck the fruit of the tree of chicanery, and fraud, and extravagance, and eat thereof, and so find means to escape the law that should bind men to make both ends meet and pay their way. The bankruptcy laws, as they stand, minister to luxury, pander to extravagance ; they may be compared with a foul ulcer eating away all that is best in human nature, and their tendency is to reduce the sturdy Anglo-Saxon to the level of a mere rogue and vagabond. It threatens to absolutely exterminate all the best traits of the national character by sapping the manhood, the pluck, bravery, and power of endurance of the males, and the chastity of the females. For, where once luxury and extravagance takes firm hold of a people, every other consideration must give way to them. So it was when Rome aad Greece declined. I am sorry to see so many legal quibbles surrounding and choking the question of bankruptcy reform. It is distressing to find the Judges of the Supreme Court so divided on the question, whilst, on the other hand, there is a remarkable concensus of opinion amongst the higher class of legal practitioners in favor of stringent reforms whioh does them infinite credit. All well wishers of the race will admit that something must be done, and that quickly, or. else bankruptcy reform will present all the intricacies of the Gordian Knot, with, as of yore, but one way of untying it.

The hon member for Inangahua, descended to r sophistry the other night in his attempts to stand well with everybody, which, by the way, is an utter impossibility to the man of any independence of character. Never knew a fellow yet worth a dump who wasn’t at variance with some one or other. And the party I am alluding to knows this as well as I do, and yet, in the face of it, he must needs hurl in the teeth of the worshipful Assembly, of which he is a member, that “ one man is as good as another.” Heavens j what a crammer —and a self-evident crammer too, for the hon member has but to look around the benches of the house for comparisons. . I won’t mention any for fear of being invidious, but the question raised is a fruitful theme for thought and contemplation so far as the mem.bars of the House of Representatives are concerned. One man as good as another, indeed ! We look in vain through nature’s realms for literal equality. Instead of this, there is almost infinite gradations, physical, moral, mental. Does the hoD. member for Inangahua mean to imply that that hideous travesty of a man whom Judge Richmond dealt with far too leniently the other day, is as good as himself, or the man—unfortunately too common—who deliberately violates responsibilities and engagements for the sake of pandering to his lower nature? No, no, sir, men are trery far from being equal, and I should recommend you to publicly recant your monstrous heresy op tfre very first opportunity that presents itself. There are men who, by contrast, appear as deml-gods when compared with some of their kind.

.What is fchia that we hear from Oamaru ? The remains of an unfortunate and presumably murdered woman consigned 1 to Mother Earth without the slightest ceremony the only persons present “ being constable, sejpton, and a local publican,” at least, so reads, the telegram—albeit, I have no doubt two articles were omitted, “a ” before constable, and “ the ” before sexton. But even that was bad enough. What 1 no “ parson ” of any kind, by way of simple admission that the poor creature had an immortal part ? Not that it makes the slightest difference whether there is or is not any religious ceremony at a grave about to be closed. Death settled all that before hand, when he released the imperishable from the grasp of corruption. It is but one step from this life, across the dark, but narrow stream, into the life beyond, and there the woman Beattie is bow, with the debtor and creditor account of her earthly life before her. But the common decency of the thing— to bury her like a dog ! Shame !

The too extremes of elocution, the hon. member for Auckland City East, and the hon. member for Avon.

Another phase of Sarvant Galism ! She had been out, bless her, to a Good lemplar meeting, and returned highly elated. Suspicious mistress, following her into her room and sniffing : “Why, Sally, how you smell; hey, what’s in this cup ? O dear me, it’s spirits of some kind ! Why, Sally, you re « Whash, Bay am not ; you a story, go away womansh, tea in cup, not sperish. foperish, indeed, you’re mean, never give nothing, onsh lived good people—gavesh me glash hot brandy water every night, good of liealsh. Kind people, you ! Get out thish.” And then she fell upon her mistress and drove her out of the

house, and literally remained mistress of the situation till master returned. And yet the tyranny of employers is a favorite theme of the “ down-trodden.” Will the Post-Master-General, or some one, have a few decent domestic helps posted for New Zealand by the next mail from Europe ?

Supposing—what, by the way, is not very likely to happen—that the Colonial Treasurer’s proposals to levy compulsory tax upon young men and womenkind as provision for a rainy day, comes into force, what will be the inducive means of gentle coercion or coaxing used with “ Bridget ” —Bridget, in the collective sense, indicating the domestic difficulty ? If Bridget savs she’ll see the Treasurer and his collectors all to “blue blazes and beyant’’ before she’ll pay a penny of her earnings, how will the law be enforced? Will the muchenduring heads of households be called upon to make stoppages of pay, and fight the matter out with Bridget, or will sudden incursions be made, and defaulting cooks and housemaids ba hauled off to durance vile ? National assurance, as at present devised, seems to presage a good deal of national domestic disturbance.

One dare swear that, in these days of easy morality, there may bs more questionable ways of spending a brief holiday, by a bachelor, than seeking the treat of a suburban hostelry in company with a fair Dulcinea, and there sojourning in blissful content. What matters if the host should make entry in his guest book of Mr and Mrs Corflambo, or any other name, and the hostess, in the innocence of her heart, treat her visitors with all the attention to comfort and convenience which married couples are wont to receive? It would but give zest to the pleasures of the holiday to keep up the joke and meet mine host’s bill with a demure countenance. But, ah me ! As the little rift within the lute spoils the sweetest music, so the slightest little mischance spoils the eprightliest adventure. I have heard of two turtledoves who, recently billing and cooing somewhat after the fashion described, found the cup of their content dashed to fragments by the merest accident. The male bird of the kind, troubled with a prosaic cough, had taken with him to their temporary abode of bliss a bottle of learned doctor’s stuff, and that bottle he’d left on the mantelshelf, and on the bottle was a label and on that label his name ! And behold it was thus revealed unto the keeper of the house that he had not entertained angels unawares. And with that bottle in his packet, and virtuous indignation stirring his manly bosom, he is seeking up and down for the gay young bachelor who beguiled him.

""Whenever I see a leading article in a journal commencing with the good old dramatic sentences, “The war-cloud looms darker aud darker on the horizon. The storm may burst upon us at any moment,” or the equally original one concerning the “ small cloud on the political horizon no larger than a man’s hand,” instantly there rises up in. my bosom a feeling of sympathy for the editor, who, in sentences of this kind, reveals to me his inability to find anything of interest. to write about. The stirring periods which usually follow are of equal originality, but are generally varied by a prophecy thrown in here and there. Articles of this kind may be called “ Post "-prandium leaders.

Active preparations are being made at the Theatre Cosmopolitan, Egypt, for the production of an exciting drama, “ Conflicting Interests.” The prologue includes the characters of Mrs Britannia, Johnny Crapeau, the Sick Man the East, and the Nihilists of the Nile; the 4rama proper embraces a powerful cast consisting of tipe Two Sandies, Joe Hapsburg, Handsome Humbert, and a host of talent of minor importance. I do not Cair.-o bojit committing myself to a criticism of the piece until it is fairly before the public, bub wjll doubtless Sey.-mour about it next week.

There are not many statesmen in the colony, and still fewer in Parliament, or else the Treasurer’s propositions ' ft compulsory National Insurance would have been received differently. People didn't understand; c>£ course they didn’t. How few there are capable of forecasting, of staving off the evil to come by anticipating prevision. Great measures can only be entertained by great minds, and it is only such minds which can think in the profounder sense of the process. And the shallower the mind, the more superfipial; the more readily it discloses itself. Just what the Auckland “Herald” did the other when Ijt ran a-muck against the National Insurance propositions, and uttered a Jeremiad about loss to vested interests and so forth. Just so, that is a subject exactly in accordance with the “ Herald’s ” ideas. Vested interests 1 heayy money bags ! raking in the dollars ! Converting human flesh, bones and blood into gold dust! Grinding the faces of the poor, careless of consequences ! Albeit those consequences.are displayed fu large writing on every social pla'ne in the world. There is not a country in Europe that is not more op less convulsed in the throes of slow but sure social reform, a sort of equalising process. Look at Russia, Germany, Ireland, Scotland, England.. In all, the question of poverty and riches is under discussion, and there can be no doubt about the might of the masses prevailing. ’Tis a thick shoulder that of the masses, specially constructed to heave heave through social strata. Anc heave it will, nothing can stay it; apd because of this, to avoid extreme revolution, and provide for the rainy day, the Treasurer Atkinson brought on his National Insurance propositions. That they have been unfavorably received is nothing; they have been introduced ; the leaven is at work and most find effect. Not perhaps exactly in accordance with the manner proposed." Large accumulations of all kinds of property will have to contribute. But the masses must be made to provide for tliejir own needs, and taught how to avoid pauperism, whilst Dives must disgorge some. How much, rests entirely with wise anticipatory legislation. Verb sap.

It has been suggested to Mr Macandrew that lie should prescribe a fish diet for Mr Montgomery, as Barnuin and other celebrities have increased tlieir brain powci, they assert, by an extensive use of fish as food. Some medical men even assert that it is the only cure for mental mediocrity. Asmoeeus,