Ladies' Column.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 243, 15 July 1876, Page 3

Ladies' Column.

IDEALS. (From the World.) The ideal man, as a being possessing all the qualities proper to control, particularly strength and courage, seems to be going out of fashion. The supposed wish of our grand-mothers to be "mastered" in marriage—their longing for the conviction that in their life-partners they had to deal with creatures of stronger will, if not of clearer intellect than themselves, is a thing unknown to their grand-daughters. It lingers, as a tradition of ■ a state of mind, in popular proverbs —in that one, especially, about the woman and the walnut-tree, in which the beating, which is said to be so conducive to the improvement of these products of nature, is at the same time implied to be not unsuited to the woman's taste. Hence the error of the typical Sikes ; for there can be little doubt that much of the brutality of the men of the lower classes to their wives is due to the notion that the'best way of preserving a woman's affection is to show her that you know how to excite her fears. Sikes cannot do this by the might of his intellect ; he therefore has recourse to the might of his arm. He blunders, because the ideal is changing, and women no longer care to be subdued, but he deserves a certain amount of pity as a victim to his inability to read the signs of the times. With every desire to do right when he takes up the poker, he is doing wrong, because he is wanting in the latest intelligence as to the historic development of the feminine ideal. His mother liked it, and why should not his wife ? The best of men might fail from the same cause, are constantly failing in one department or other of the work of life. If Sikes had but the faintest tincture of philosophy, he might see that neither in the capacity for physical nor for moral domination over themselves are women now disposed to find the best title of the opposite sex to their regard. They dispute with man on every platform the supremacy of might, in the only form in which it is now permitted to exhibit its pretensions. They compete with him in the work of life ; they ask only for fair play and a free course. The awful question arises, What shall we be when they have entirely disabused us and themselves of the notion that we ought to figure as their lords ? Their slaves ? Hardly that, it would not be prudent to carry their victory too far, and, besides, it is not at all certain that, it would delight them to see us in a condition of perfect dependence. Their companions ? That is more likely ; but as to the kind of companionship we, and probably they, are in the dark. The novels of the day give us no hint of this future. They follow a mere tradition. Their authors are as far astray, in their way, as poor Sikes in his literal reading of the proverb. The strong man glorified in "Jane Eyre" hasbecome a theme for the wits in " Guy Livingstone" and the rest of that series. When the first-named book appeared, some poor fellow, who had the ill fortune to be blessed with neither spirit nor strength, complained that all the men were " giving themselves Rochester airs." To become duly sensible of the change that has taken place, it would be enough to imagine the effect of Livingstone airs at the present time. In the expressive phraseology of the theatre it simply "wouldn't draw." But what would ? Ah, who shall reveal it to us ? Mere

prettiness ? That too has had its hour, Nirnbleness of fancy ? the ardor of a passionate soul ? brilliancy ? mere beauty of the body ? The last might have some chance : in Spain the women will hardly look at a man who has not a shapely foot. Who can tell us of the coming man ? No one. We have a notion that he Avill be a person capable of writing instructively on Etruscan remains ; but we are forced to admit that we have little or nothing to show for it. All that we can affirm for certain is, that he must be coming. For men and for women the world of their joint ideal is changing ; they can say no more on either side. For this, too, is not to be forgotten—sweet, confiding, innocent, ignorant Dolly the natural complement to the strong protecting male, is" going out" like him. At one time there seemed to be some likelihood that she was to be succeeded by a young person with a great proficiency in slang, and with a power of outrunning the field in a fox-chase, and of correcting an insolent groom with strokes of the "whip. But this was a mere whim of fashion that established nothing ; and the representative young person is still to be built up in the workshop of fancy by a selection of the best of all feminine attributes that shall be found pleasing in the new time. We think —it is but a guess on a point of detail—that she will wear glasses ; not spectacles, mind, but simply a pince-nez, and that she will be expected not_to scream at the sight of a spider, and to do without false hair. As to the rest, we frankly confess it is all Cimmerian night. SPANIELS. (From the Queen.) Our women are in danger of becoming tyrants rather than slaves, and the demands made by the weaker are growing almost as excessive as have been in foretime the requirements enforced by the stronger. But, with all this, the nature which some call womanly, and others spaniel-like, still exists among us. Heaven be praised ! and we have yet left to us a few low-voiced, gentle, tender-hearted women who find their highest joy in self-sup-pression and affection, in giving up their own desires for the good of others, and devoting themselves to the service of those they love. Neither rancor nor revenge enters into the soul of her whom her deriders call a spaniel, her admirers womanly. Even where she has been ill-treated she can forgive ; and the divine precept of seventy times seven seems to her a law of loveliness by which greater things are to be attained than the childish pleasure of manifesting " a high spirit" and a determination " not to be put upon." She asks for nothing beyond the leave to love, the privilege to bless ; and they who are most sorrowful are those who lie nearest to her heart, and for whom her soul goes out with tenderest yearning. To her the joy of life is found rather in loving and worshipping than in being loved and worshipped ; and were she able to choose she would prefer to lie in the shadow of her husband's greatness rather than that he should be overshadowed by her own. What gifts and graces belong to her she uses as flowers in the chaplet with which she crowns her beloved ; and for his sake rather than her own rejoices in her beauty, her wit, her acquirements, her intellect, as making his life the richer because hers is the lovelier. If troubles come upon them, she is brave that he may not be saddened ; if trouble comes between them, she bears her share in silence ; and even when illusage rouses her to dignity, self-protection, and defence, it never rouses her to resentment. To the offer of repentance she answers back with forgiveness ; and only repeated failures can convince her that her trust has been misplaced—that her tenderness is misunderstood; and that, if she would be true to herself and her ideal, she must abandon all hope of influencing to better things that terrible failure —the real. And this is the hardest lesson which life can set a woman of this kind to learn ; the bitterest chapter of that, whole tear-stained book of experience in which we all have to read our daily service of sorrow and disappointment. But it is learnt after a time even by the "spaniel ;" and when repentance has become a mockery, her forgiveness refuses to be its sport. It is the old story of the pitcher and the well over again. After repeated journeyings, the day of final destruction comes ; and the poor fool who trusted to the indestructibility even of Christian forbearance, womanly allowance, gets for his reward a handful of clay fragments instead of the pure water from which he thought to drink his fill when and however he desired. People make grave mistakes about the morale of the spaniel woman. They do not see her motives, and they therefore project an impossible and non-existing individuality'from the false base lines which they have imagined as the plan, on which she is built. Take a woman of natural affectionateness and of unselfishness acquired by principle—a woman who desires to be just in her judgments, not warped by the purely personal effects of actions, and wishful to see things as they are in themselves, not only as they touch her—-well,-such a woman almost certainly appears as a spaniel to those who know her merely superficially, who do not give her credit for principles, and who see only the broad facts of temperament.- Unselfishness, acquired at cost and practised with daily striving, is read off as servility—a quality which no one need give himself the trouble to " manage," a quality which is the camel whose patient strength no last straw can break. Because she accepts patiently, she is handled roughly ; and then there is blank amazement and outcry when she shows herself capable of being hurt, when she refuses to allow herself to be pained simply for another's pleasure, not for his good, nor yet by misadventure. While she could say to herself "he did not mean it," she looked up to her master with patient, loving eyes, and bore, the pain that had. been inflicted without even a whine of remonstrance. When that pleasant fancy is no longer possible, and she knows herself to be the mere victim of his caprice, the sport of his cruelty, the subject of a worse

torture than bodily vivisection, then she takes her ground and keeps it; and the person most amazed at the repudiation is the one who has i caused it. Then he finds that the caresses, once so powerful, fall dead; that the sweet words, once a compelling charm, are like dry husks rattling futilely in the air; that flatteries and fondnesses, the food of love in the days gone by, are seen to be what they are—mere snares for the fond loving heart, lures by which it is expected that she shall become once more a prey to the conqueror; and then the poor spaniel woman, too often broken-hearted, takes refuge in the barren peace of self-respect, and breaks for ever the spell which had so long both bound and blinded her. But with this loving, self-repressive, and tender-hearted woman—the woman whose nature is affectionate, and whose unselfishness is a matter of principle—there is also the true spaniel ; the woman who has absolutely no self-respect anywhere, but who "lets herself go," as the very sport and creature of stronger man, without the power to repress on the one hand or assert on the other, and whose want of womanly dignity is her shame and not her glory. Passive, unresisting, she seems almost to offer herself as the slave whom the overseer may lash at his pleasure, sure of no complaint to be made to men or angels. As a woman of the lower class she is half-killed by her brutal husband, whom, however, she shields from the observation of intrusive justice, and swears is a good husband to her, barring the drink. As "the drink" is his normal condition, it is rather puzzling to know what time is left for him to be the good husband of her legend ; but that this is her pleasure to believe is manifest from her life. Give her the power of escape, and she refuses it ; preferring her brutal master, even with the chance of being kicked to death some dark night, when the drink is more potent than usual and there is no one by to save her, rather than to leave him for security of life and its attendant loneliness apart from him. Even her children do not rouse this kind of spaniel woman to active measures against her master ; and the story of Griselda is repeated to this day in many a court and alley where the happiness and wellbeing of the family are sacrificed that a masterful brute may have his fling, and not be let or hindered in his course. Women of this kind have been known to follow their husbands and lovers to Australia, in the days when transportation drafted off our home villany and made a clear sweep of felons. Bearing always the marks of former ill-usage, and knowing if their dense wits could know anything, that the future would repeat that past, instead of thanking Heaven for their deliverance and accepting it as the turning point for better things of their lives, they hugged their chains only the more closely, and gave up everything that life held dear and precious for them here at home, to follow their proprietor to exile. BECIPES. Bukns.—A- good remedy for burns is a strong solution of Epsom salts in water. It not only relieves pain, but helps to heal the wounds. To Boil Old Potatoes.—Peel them and let them soak in cold water several hours ; then put them into cold water with a little salt in it; boil slowly—the slower the better. If it stops boiling they will be watery ; rub them through a colander. Biscuit Pudding.—An excellent way of using stale biscuits or cakes is to pound them fine in a mortar, then mix with them two eggs with their weight in butter, beat all to a cream, pour into a mould, and steam. This is excellent cold with fruit, such as stewed prunes or damsons. To Fatten Fowls.—Fowls may be fattened in four or five days by the following process : Set some rice on the fire with skimmed milk, as much only as will serve one day ; let it boil until the rice is swelled out ; add a teaspoonful of sugar. Feed the fowls four or five times a day in pans, and give them as much each time as will fill them. Great care must be taken that they have nothing sour given them, as that prevents their fattening. Give them clean water or milk from rice to drink. By this method the flesh will have a clear whiteness. Bice Pudding.—This pudding is certainly very familiar, but we give a new recipe, which those who have tried it pronounce excellent. It is peculiar from the fact that it contains neither raisins, butter, nor water. Take two quarts of new milk, five ounces of rice, and five ounces of sugar, flavor acccording to taste, and add a little salt. Place the mixture where it will heat slowly, and stir occasionally while the rice is swelling. When the milk is boiling hot place the pudding in a moderate oven and bake for one hour, or until the rice is quite soft. Do not stir the pudding after placing it in the oven, but try to ascertain if the rice is done before removing it. Serve cold. This is certainly a very simple pudding, but it is much preferable to the more elaborate recipes containing 15 or 20 ingredients. Toast.—To make toast properly a great deal of attention is required, much more, indeed, than people generally suppose. Never use new bread for making any kind of toast, as it is heavy, and, besides, is very extravagant. Procure a loaf of bread about two days old ; cut off as many slices as may be required not quite one-quarter inch in thickness ; trim off the crust and ragged edges, put the bread on a toasting fork, and hold it before a very clear fire. Move it backwards and forwards until the bread is nicely colored ; then turn it and toast the other side, and do not place it so near the fire that it blackens. Dry toast should be more gradually made than buttered toast, as its great beauty consists in its crispness, and this cannot be attained unless the process is slow and the bread is allowed gradually to color. It should never be made long before it is wanted, as it soon becomes tough, unless placed on the fender in front of the fire. As soon as each piece is ready it should be put into a rack, or stood upon its edges and sent quickly to the table.