Intelligent Vagrant.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 219, 20 November 1875, Page 13

Intelligent Vagrant.

Quis scit an adjiciant liotlienue cnistina suninuo Tempora Di Super!.—lion ach. The Government are going to cut the ground from under Sir George Grey’s feet as an Opposition leader next Parliament. Sir George wound up his denunciations last session by a wholesale condemnation of the useless and expensive Civil Service, and has since inveighed against the same, asserting that in this direction he could, by proper economy, if in power* save the country .£150,000 a-year. Well, the Government have evidently taken to thought what Sir George Grey said, because they have instituted cpiite enormous reductions in the cost of tlie Civil Service. Hitherto the draughtsmen in the Public Works Office have been allowed scented soap, with which to wash their hands ; but lately a minute has been published restricting them, on the ground of expense, to common yellow-colonial.

And writing of the Civil Service, I am tempted to ask why some of the members of that beautiful body endeavor so much to assume what Mr. Willet, senior, called “ A milingtary air; a swaggering biling water drinking sort of a way.’ ’ It is evident that more than one of them might, with as much justice as the Grand Duchess, sing “ I doat upon the Military,” because the efforts they make to copy the style of such military fashion as a merciful Providence, and “the service, has vouchsafed us are painful. Why, it was only last week that I saw De Robinson] of the Public Scandals department, with braid down the side of his trousers, making an agonising effort to persuade those who knew him not that he was an officer in undress uniform. Gazing on him, I was tempted to quote Shakspere from memory, aiicl to say Ci Seest thou what a deformed ape this present fashion is ? ”

We have had some sermons this week, not upon the text ‘put not your trust in princes,” but upon the text “ put not your money into newspapers.” These have tempted me to recuscitate that old story of Satan and the Gentleman who desired to invest in newspaper property. The gentleman had disposed of his soul to Satan, on condition that he was to be set up in any business he might choose, as often as the last one he had adopted might fail. For a long time, Satan kept to his part of the bargain with a fidelity worthy of praise. The Gentleman started taking railway contracts from Government, failed, and was set up in a glue factory. That failed, and he went in for dressing New Zealand flax. That failed, and he started a co-operative bakery and co-opera-tive butchery. Both of these failed, and he cast about for a new chance. Some one wanted him to take shares in the Titanic Steel Company, but he would not. So he determined to go in for a newspaper, and went and told Satan. Satan replied, “Just tell me how much you will take, money down, and I’ll pay it and cry off the bargain.” There are continual paragraphs in the papers lauding the excellent results to be obtained by liberal advertising. A correspondent from San Francisco has just written to me on this subject. He went over there from Auckland a couple of years ago, and started as a commission agent. He advertised in the New Zealand papers, and waited for the orders that he was certain would follow. He received but one commission, and it was as follows : —Dunedin, Dec. 10, 1874. Sir, I am anxious to procure a situation in San Francisco as a hairdresser and wig maker. Should you procure me one with passage paid, I’ll remunerate you by weekly instalments until your charge is paid.—Yours, &c., . Yet another result of advertising is before me. A gentleman had run a race with the constable in the old country, and had come off second best. Out of the wreck he saved £6OO, and, . with this, emigrated to New Zealand,' arriving m ‘Wellington last month. He at once advertised for a partner of colonial experience willing to. take him and his capital into some business involving an active out-of-door country life. He had one application. It was from a gentleman who proposed to start a hen farm at Evans’ Bay. More of our servant girls. A lady who had been suffering in patience for months a succession of maids, each more useless than her predecessor, got one fresh off the last immigrant ship, content though she knew absolutely nothing of household work, to go through the trouble of teaching her, and receive a reward in the shape of a girl that had not yet been acclimatised into thinking herself rather better than her mistress. Sarah Jane got along capitally until, yesterday, when she asked her mistress how it was intended to divide the approaching holidays. For herself, she said she was not particular so long as it was understood that Christmas and New Year’s Days were to be in tier share.

I am glad to see that Mr. Brissenden has not permitted his talents to remain without employment. By a notice in a Thames paper I learn that he has adopted a far more respectable occupation than that of Native Bands Purchase Commissioner. An advertisement in the Thames Advertiser intimates that Fisher and Brissenden have commenced business as general smiths and horseslioers, and hope by steady attention to business to receive a share of the public patronage so liberally accorded to their predecessor. That is all very well, but I do not think that the gentleman who succeeds Mr. Brissenden in Government employ will be anxious to get quite as much public patronage as was bestowed upon his predecessor, who had rather more of the public than he cared about.

When opposition lines of steamers commenced running up and down the coast I naturally supposed that one line at least would show a deficiency in passenger traffic as compared with that obtained by the line which had all the traffic to itself for a long time. I was pleasantly disappointed then when I found that in fact each line showed an increase on the traffic of the old monopoly. It made me think that the patriotic people of the colony must have determined to go out of their way to support the efforts for their benefit, for the passenger fists of each departing or arriving steamer continued to be as long as my arm. But I found out at last that these passenger lists were more apparent than real. I read in tlie paper one morning that my friend Brownjones had arrived in the llauporaki, from Dunedin, on his way to Auckland. I rushed on board to embrace him, but could not find him, and was directed to apply at the agents. I did so, and was told that it was a mistake of the newspapers, which I easily believed, and would have departed satisfied only for a conversation which I heard going on between the purser and the clerk as I left the office. The clerk said, to the purser, “ I wonder how that name got into the passenger list ?” The purser replied, “Well, you see, the Hoosawiyethenoo that came in with us was full up to sleeping on the tables, and I was not going to be beat, so I just picked twenty names out of an old directory, slapped ’em down on a list, and gave it to the reporter. We’re not going to be beat for passengers, I can tell you.”