WAR'S LIGHTER SIDE

New Zealand Herald, Volume 81, Issue 25084, 23 December 1944, Page 3

WAR'S LIGHTER SIDE

JN his early days a platform on which Hitler was appearing suddenly collapsed. This may happen again. Just once.—Punch, London. Eggsactly "YEOMAN Customer: "Any eggs?" Grocer: "Sorry, only priorities." Customer: "They'll do. I only want them for cooking."—Peterborough, in the Daily Telegraph, London. Old-fashioned. r jpWO women were talking in the street when an aeroplane went over. One looked up apprehensively. "It's all right, dear," said the other; "it's one ol those old-fashioned 'planes with a man in it."—Daily Mail, London. Out of Turn Q.ENERAL EISENHOWER, visiting some troops, noticed at one station a soldier with a black eye, and asked him if he had been in an accident. "No," replied the soldier. "I was talking when I should have been listening." —-News Chronicle, London. Nervous |>AR conversation overheard in a West End hotel between a civilian and a parachutist: "How many times have you jumped?" asked the civilian. "Never," said the parachutist sourly. "But I've been pushed 17 times."— London Star. Hat QINCE the Balkan races, like the Turks, took to bowler hats they interest this department less and less, this department's opinion of the bowler hat being that it would make the mandrill at the zoo look ignoble, in spite ot his striking blue-and-crimson markings. Which goes for Ruritania and the Near East en bloc.—D. B. Wyndham Lewis, in the Bystander. Awful Thoughts A YOUNG man asked his boss for a £1 rise in salary.. "But look," said the'boss, "if I give vou the rise, that's £4 more a month. That's £52 more a year," (His voice grew louder.) "In ten years you will have got £520 out of my pocket. In twenty years £IO4O, and in fifty years—in fifty years— He clutched his head as though in some dreadful nightmare. Then he screamed: "I'm bankrupt!" —Public Opinion, London

"This one's a Honey! I took It ■! from Reid Minor." —Dublin Opinion '* Who Pays? -j r PHIIEE business men were dining at a West End restaurant. When the waiter presented the bill, the first man grabbed it, and said to the others: "Let me pay this. I'll charge it as a business expense, and since I'm paying ( income tax at fifteen shillings in the pound, the Government would be paying for three-quarters of this bill." "No, let me pay it," said the second. ("I've got war contracts and I'm paying tax at nineteen and six in the pound, so the Government would be, paying for almost all of it." "No. Let me pay for it," the third 1 man insisted. "I'm doing Government work on a cost-plus basis, and I can make twenty-five shillings profit out of it ' 3 —Manchester Guardian What, Again? " AM) how was Sunday school today, dear?" mother asked Tommy, aged six. "Not so good," he replied. And then, looking very serious, added: "Daniel s in the lions' den again." —The Schoolmaster Consolation AN Englishman, seeing a cheerful American, asked: "Why do you Americans all look so cheerful?" The American replied: "Well, you see, we go back to the United States after this show. You have to stay oil here." —Critic in the New Statesman