WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXVIII, Issue 23861, 11 January 1941, Page 2 (Supplement)

WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE

IX every theatre of war the Italians appear to he all at sea —all, that is, except their fleet. 1 —Peterborough, in The Daily Telegraph. London. Iti Again "'I3OOKKYFJ/r. M declared one of his political opponents, "has ants in his pants." Third TermitesP Dublin Opinion. Parcels for the Troops r rHEKK are altogether too many things hilled as "the soldiers friend." Really there are only tour or five good presents for a soldier, and three of them are smokes and one is food of the kind you can't get in nieshall or canteen. But whatever you send to men in uniform, please see that it isn't, heavy or bulky. There .are no spacious cupboards in barracks, and packs are small and heavy enough already. —l'eter Inglis Champion Aspidistra , A DOCTOR extinguished an incenj rliarv bomb which tell in the garden of a house in a \orth-"\Yest coastal town with an aspidistra plant. Seeing the blaze, he seized the plant fruiii a window-shelf, went outside, and tipped the aspidistra and its soil over the bomb. "It was. not the biggest aspidistra in the world. he said, "but to me at that moment it was certainly the finest." —Daily Chronicle, London.

A Niche in Time A BERNE tombstone maker has sent out a circular letter saying thatas the price of stone and marble is going to increase, people should take advantage of the present low prices and give him an order now. The circular continues:- — Should you not need a tombstone at present for sonic person of your family, you may order it now, and I will store it for nothing until you need it. —The Times, London. The Pig r PHK Pig he has a merry eye and a pleasant sense of fun. There's satisfaction in his sleep and rapture in his run. But when it comes to dinner-time your Porker, truth to tell, Isot only revels in his food but rolls in it as well. -—Martin Armstrong. Generous \ MAN had a slight difference of opinion with his wife. liut he acknowledged his error generously by saying: "You are right, and I am wrong, as you generally are. Good-bye, dear," and he hurried off to catch his train. "So nice of him to put it like that." his wife said to herself. And then she began to think about it. —Parade, London.

Limerick \ STALWART young farmer of *■ Slough. Alwavs rode to his work on a cow; Hut a cat u it h a fiddle Played Mi Middle Middle— Me carries a parachute now. —.l ohn O'London's Weekly. Brides and Breakfast "VyilKX a very young bride is standing before me at the chancel steps 'I led tempted to ask bet" 'Wilt thou promise to cook the bacon slowly and see that it is not frizzled up to nothing: Canst thou make appetising stew fit for this man to eat?' "Ret'ore a girl is allowed to put up the banns she ought to have a certificate showing she has some elementary knowledge of cooking." - The Rev. P. K. Rebbeck. Vicar of Wolvenrofe, Oxford. 111 his parish magazine. Wrong Number TTERE'S the gag that has been going the rounds of Broadway: One fellow calls up another and asks: "Say. hovv'd you like to have a couple of tickets to the opening of Rurma Road ?" ''Swell!'' says the second fellow. "Just call * this number: Circle 5-8280.'' The number is that of the Japanese Consulate-General. —New York Post. Ladies of the Choir WILLIAM H. SPENT K was a Methodist parson, born in Ontario, educated in Toronto, who thence went south for his ministerial work. He could he both humorous and devastating. as when he called his lady choir singers, no longer young, "a cross between the devil's grandmother and a mountain wildcat." —Vancouver Daily Province. Conservationist r V. F. DIXON, division superintendent of the Great .Northern Railway, learned a mallard duck was nesting within ten feet of the tracks, lie issued ibis order to dispatchers: "Wild duck has nest containing nine eggs about ten feet, east of the west switch at Matador, Mont., on south side of track. Please inform all enginemen to be careful not to blow down boiler, open overflow or cylinder cocks in this location to avoid injuring or disturbing the mother duck. Trainmen should also lie careful not to step jn nest:. Section crew now doing everything possible to protect duck." - Michigan Daily Telegram.

"No Shave!" V SENSATION was caused in a smart London restaurant last week. An unconventional girl appeared with two weeks' growth of eyebrows. 'l'linoito t!!obe. Bombs Turn Butter Green TP, after n raid, you find, your eggs are addled and your butter green, don't be surprised. It may have been done by bomb blast. One Welsh housewife found that blast from a bomb, which fell outside the house, turned the colour of a dark green suite of furniture to a much lighter shade. -■ Sir Thomas Jones. Food Controller in Wales. Pie For Breakfast 'THE more substantial breakfasts which Londoners' arc reported to be takin" as a result of disturbed nights would have been commended -rather unexpectedly perhaps—by Emerson. The great American philosopher was a firm believer in beginning the day with a hearty meal--but in that connection a cautionary note was recorded by his friend M. J. Warner. "It was pie for breakfast." declared Warner, "that broke down Emerson prematurely; no human being can live long and keep his mind unclouded on pie tor . breakfast. Emerson lost his mind —or his memory —at a much earlier |>eriod than he would have been likely to lose 1 it solely owing to the vicious habit of eating pie for breakfast." —Manchester Guardian. Mass-Taste TT is certainly arguable that no hook which thousands of men. women and children have found readable can be dismissed as wholly had. Rut the fnetthat just as many thousands have found it quite unreadable is not conclusive either. Mass-taste is not always sensitive fo the finest values. The epithet "popular" may be a brand or a crown. Lady Violet Bonhatn-C'i rter. Rector and His Pears THE following notice, in the writing of the rector of Finchley. appeared during early autumn on a fruit tree in the kitchen garden of the rectory, adjoining Mendon Lane: — To Ladies and Gentlemen who come to steal the pears very kindly DO NOT tread on the beds S. E, L. Rerun)s. X.R. The pears arc NOT ripe, and I MOPE they will give you a .stomachache. —Tit-Bits, London.